It’s the small things…and the big ones too

My birthday just passed and I heard a similar thing from a few people - about what a milestone year it was - I became a grandmother and ran my first marathon. It’s true, both huge things that were life altering. It got me thinking about what truly defines a year or a time period…or our lives. Is it the big things or the small ones? Everyone says it’s the small things in life that count most. I think I might buck conventional wisdom on this one and say I think it truly is both. And maybe the small and the big aren’t as different as we think. And at some point in this post you’ll see how I find this connects to being a parent…

The little things in life make up the everyday. They are crucial. They set the tone and the overall feeling for how our life is. How our house feels. Do we have a relaxing environment to nurture our kids ? Is our life generally a stress free zone where people can enjoy and accomplish. That note you wrote someone just because you wanted to make them smile. The pictures you draw on your kids lunches so they’ll know you’re thinking about them when they’re in school all day. The small things stack up to make a big difference. 

But the big things matter.  And sometimes I think they matter more than we realize. If your life is one that includes many big trips this might not apply to you - but if you’re like us and going on a trip is a big adventure then you might find a family trip is one of those big things. We went to Iceland two years ago as a family. It was the first time we all flew together. My kids can pretty much recall every nuance of that trip. How it felt to experience each piece of it. I can still close my eyes and hear the wind on the coast and smell the sulfur. And it wasn’t just experiencing frozen waterfalls and amazing ice caves that they remember. I think they’re equally fond of telling you how they walked barefoot on ice to get to the backyard hot tub and just hang out. Those memories were made from something big. Stepping out of the ordinary brings out a different side of us. We can walk away from the everyday practicalities of our lives and just be.  Those moments are important.

Becoming a grandmother was another big thing. When it happens it seems to have come on so fast - they were literally your baby just a second ago.  It’s really a lifetime of your child rearing coming to a crescendo.  Every up and down you had with that child, every struggle and triumph. Every sleepless night, diaper you changed, the hours you sat and did homework, the big and the small - all helped shape your child into the person they have become and the life they’ve chosen to live.  Their introduction into parenthood and their approach is all part of that.  The amazing human being they are and the new life that joined your family - all pieces of that.  

And then there is working towards a big goal. For me this past year, it was my marathon. It took a lot of small goals and worked into bigger and bigger ones until I finally was able to tackle the biggest of all. But for me, that wasn’t where that journey ends. It wasn’t about checking a box off and moving on.  It was also about getting there and then saying what’s next here that I can do? And deciding to keep running and loving the everyday part of it. About combining the big and the small together.

Not all big things are one off grand adventures. Just think about when you were dating and decided to get married. Everyone prepares and prepares for that big day - and that day is important and exciting and can be amazing. But the real amazing is what comes next - the life you live together. The everyday you will then spend for years and years. 

So back to being parents in this world of big and small - I feel like sometimes we focus on the big things a lot (currently bar mitzva planning and it definitely gets the lions share of attention) and we forget the small things but other times, we get caught up in the small everyday and forget to make time for those big things. Now, when everyone is either on break or about to have break, is a good time to reassess that balance. Enjoy the big things when you get the chance, keep chugging away at both the big and small - and hopefully you’ll reap the rewards of both types to be able to look back on every year and really feel it was a milestone for you and your family. 

If this was 43, I’m really curious what 44 has in store!

Bullying - Old story, new tactics

 They used to say "Punch a bully in the nose" when advising kids how to deal with bullies.  I'm thinking that should probably be revised for the current day and age.  We have talked in a previous post about realizing your child is bullying other kids, but we haven't yet discussed what to do if you own child is being bullied.  This topic is complicated and certainly doesn't have a one-button answer but I will attempt a beginning in this post.

Before we even begin the how to section - we must acknowledge that bullying has taken on many new faces with the metamorphosis of the internet.  It is easier than ever to bully someone when you’re not face to face, at times with the guise of anonymity, making it an ever more difficult issue to tackle. Our conversation is going to begin with an “in person” bully and hoping we can do a part II of online bullying.

Know Thy Enemy…It’s important to understand what creates a bully. Bullies are usually kids who have self confidence issues.  Bullying others let’s them focus on the perceived shortcomings of their victim instead of focusing and understanding their own feelings.  It is the classic make someone smaller in order to feel bigger scenario.

When a child is being bullied, it is so easy for them to feel like the victim.  The more we empower our kids, the more likely it will be that they can overcome a bullying situation.  

One key element we can give our children when it comes to any situation is the language to address it.  If they can define it, it becomes something more manageable.  Identifying that they are being bullied, letting them share their feelings about the situation and expressing how the behavior makes them feel can empower them.  Make sure not to disregard what they are saying or disparage them when they are sharing. Children need to feel heard and understood. 

Once they have shared, I think it helps to teach them the underlying issues that cause a child to bully them.  If they see the situation for what it is, the other child being weak instead of strong, it helps reframe their understanding of the other child.  I’m not asking you to have your kid pity their bully, but it is truly empowering to let them know that the other child is likely jealous of their strengths and so seeks to diminish them in the eyes of others.

Psychology Today wrote a very practical article with 7 skills  to help a child deal with a bully.  (7 Skills for Teaching Your Child to Stand Up to Bullies | Psychology Today) These include keeping eye contact, reacting quickly so the bully doesn’t have extended power over you, using assertive language and voice and other practical steps. 

There are several important tools to give your child when dealing with a bully:

- Deescalation: it is always easy to stoop to the level of an aggressor  and be mean or physical back but it doesn’t stop a bully. If anything, it encourages them. The best tactic is to walk away. If that isn’t possible, deescalate. Don’t respond to their taunts. Leave situations where they are being aggressive. The less opportunity they have, the less power they have. If your child is very self confident (going into the situation), encourage them to smile back and be polite.  Nothing makes an angry person more irritated than kindness. 

- Be assertive not aggressive: it is good and reasonable to stand up for yourself in a bullying situation.  It is not ok to yell back - it actually makes you look and seem weak to the bully. The best tactic is to learn to respond respectfully but assertively. Examples of this could be  “I don’t like being spoken to in that tone.” “Don’t come into my personal space and intimidate me, I’m not scared of you no matter how close you come.”

- Stay away: If the bully is physical, avoid close contact. Involve an adult as soon as possible. The longer a bully is allowed to behave poorly, the stronger and bolder they tend to get.

- Stick together: having friends around you when near a bully makes it much harder for them to try and taunt or bother you.  Hopefully your friends can stick up for you as well and tell the bully their behavior isn’t cool or acceptable. 

- Involve the School - no matter if the bullying is done on school grounds or off, make sure the school administration is aware of the issue. School is a place that should feel safe for all children and having a bully in your midst does not make kids feel safe.  If needed, ask for more adult coverage during break times. These are prime times for bullies to strike. 

The bottom line is that bullying is a crime of opportunity much of the time. If kids learn to stick together, stand up for each other and know their own strengths, we can help them stand up to bullies and overcome the long term effects of having been bullied. They can’t and shouldn’t have to face it alone. 

Everyone deserves a second chance to make a first impression

 

Today I reran my marathon - yup, you read that right. I had a really tough race this fall and wanted to get another stab at the distance and walk away feeling good and having enjoyed every step. Today, I did that. My good friend who has run more than several dozen marathons was my dedicated pacer (self-proclaimed Sherpa) and we set out long before the light to see if we could re-enact my marathon but better. The experience was incredible. We had company from some of our track friends along the way. I felt uplifted and supported. I literally felt great til mile 25 and then it was far too close to give up - just pushed through some momentary discomfort and crossed our finish line feeling amazing. 

Why am I writing about this on my parenting blog? Well, for starters I write about whatever I want on here 😂. But like most things, this got me thinking. How often do we make a judgement based on a first impression of something and never revisit it? How often does one of our children do the same with a child or a teacher and we just let them sit in that place of judgement? It is so easy to fall into this trap. So easy, especially in today’s hyper media world where everything is done at lighting speed, a text or a post sent out without thought, a brief but off encounter with someone, any number of scenarios I can name which leave us with an impression, often a wrong one, of someone or something. 

We need to take the time to reset our first impressions. We need to allow ourselves to revisit ideas or concepts we have - about people, situations, the world around us. We need to constantly grow and change and evolve and revisit and rethink. The more we do this, the better we will be as humans overall. The less we sit in judgement and the more we open our eyes and our minds to the current realities of things the better we will interact with all parts of our world. 

So yes, I wanted a chance to make a different first impression of what I was capable of in a marathon - but more than that I wanted to reteach myself that everyone deserves a second chance to make a first impression. 

Hybrid Parenting

 Some of my best ideas start from conversations we have during running. The people I run with are amazing and help me see the world through clearer glasses. This morning we had a fantastic conversation that centered on parenting, specifically kids who tend to corner themselves and just dig their heels deeper. 

Many of us have been in some form of the same scenario - we, the parent, want our child to do something that seems extremely reasonable. For no reason we can discern, our child can’t or won’t comply in a reasonable manner.  We get into a power struggle and usually things devolve from there. These scenes play out over and over - often with the same characters and different backdrops and circumstances. 

There are so many approaches people use to deal with these situations and most people take a hard stance about whatever approach they choose. I think the key in this and so many parenting dilemmas is to realize two key factors:

1. There is rarely one size fits all when it comes to parenting.  What works for one child may not work for another. Often, we need a blend of different methodologies in order to find the exact right concoction that will work for our child.  And it won’t work every time despite how perfect it might be.  Staying consistent with your approach despite each instances success or failure is vital to long term success.

2. Often what appears to be obstinance or disobedience or (fill in the blank behavior) is just our children’s way of trying to communicate distress over something in their lives. It’s rarely about the homework sheet, the shoes, the (fill in the blank). As parents/detectives - we need to figure out what is really going on beneath the surface that is causing our kids to act this way. 

Once we realize these two keys - we move on to the third step: deescalation. No matter how correct or crazy what’s happening is - no one wins when you escalate the matter. Usually it turns into a snowball effect. Someone ends up in tears (let’s not pretend that isn’t us) and there is very little gain. The best thing to do is deescalate the situation. Add some humor if you can. Make a funny joke. Walk away if there’s no alternative. But don’t get into a tug of war with your child. It just frays the rope. 

Hybrid parenting - as we termed it on this mornings run - is truly realizing that there are great elements from many parenting approaches and finding the one that works best for your child and integrating the best of whatever methods is key to success. 

As always, good luck creating your model - I love to hear about your thoughts and process!

My First Marathon

Musings of a Marathon training mama 

Pre Race

I’m heading towards my first marathon and decided it was about time I wrote some of my thoughts down. So here goes- 

Recently I’ve thought a lot about the training and planning that I’ve put into this. Probably more than almost anything I’ve done in my life. Funny how I likely planned more for this than my wedding, having kids or any life changing event. I think I’ve learned so many lessons from this entire experience - 

“You have to run your own race” - when we would do our speed work on the track it was easy to fall into the feeling of I have to keep up or why can’t I go as fast as someone else here. But my friend wisely counseled me one week saying - you have to run your own race. What a life lesson - we need to stop all the comparison, being someone or doing something because others expect it. Because others are doing it. In this life, it’s only our own race that matters. 

“Make a plan”- true marathon training requires discipline. Building up the stamina to keep running despite whatever is thrown at you takes months of training. Getting out there, running one long run after another - week after week - takes a level of discipline and commitment to the plan. If only we could think through our life goals with the same sort of plan. How amazing would it be if we decided to tackle a character trait or bad habit with the same type of planned approach and we stuck to it. 

“Be flexible or you’ll get injured” - even with the plan and keeping to it, you need to be flexible. If you wake up on your day for speed-work and your legs are cramping or you’re supposed to do a long run but something doesn’t feel right - you need to be able to tweak and adjust. Still getting those elements in but not necessarily as you had planned them. Life needs flexibility- there’s almost nothing I can elaborate on for that because it is self explanatory!

“No excuses” - if we waited for all the pieces to fall into place for the “perfect run” - it’s likely we would never get out the door. There will always be reasons why you can’t do something, the trick is to find the reasons you can and always focus on them. Some of my longest and hardest training runs were in terrible conditions. I’ve run in extremely hot temperatures with 90% humidity, I’ve run after sleepless nights and with bad stomach aches. Every one of them reinforced this lesson. 

“You can accomplish as much as you tell yourself you can” - the power of your mind is incredible. You are only as limited as you tell yourself. When you believe you can do something, when you tell yourself you’re capable and it’s possible, your body follows. On so many of my long runs I saw this - the minute I started to think about being tired, my body slowed down. If I told myself the end was near and I could push through my body just listened to those instructions. So much of our life can be changed if we just realized that our attitude and approach controls the actual outcomes. 

“Trust in the process” - there are so many times you just want to go for it - run the full distance and just be finished. But the process is almost like building a house. You have to dig deep, set the foundation, and lay brick by brick. You don’t usually see the full picture until the house is built. If you skip steps ultimately the house won’t stand or last. 

 

“It takes a village” - this pretty much goes without saying. You can do this yourself but it is so much better with everyone’s support. I benefited from having an amazing running group who helped me get out the door for the last few years, rain or shine. I am lucky to have more than one group to run with who teach me everything from how to build lung capacity to how to marathon plan and train. Without the support of my family, letting me get out there whether it is or isn’t convenient - I couldn’t have done this at my age and stage. 

“Invest in yourself” - all too often life keeps moving and we’re so busy with the business of it we forget to LIVE. As a mom and wife, I’m often busy with the needs of others. Investing in myself gave me a chance to remember who I am, what I’m capable of and how much learning I still have to do no matter what age I am. 

“Be able to conquer the out and back” - when you’re running, there isn’t always a perfect loop to run. I had a hard time conquering the idea of going out and back over and over. On short distances it never bothered me, but the longer runs really started to make it hard. I would turn around and be like - shoot I have to run the same thing again?! Life is about routines and it’s easy to get stuck in the routine rut. The ability to repeat tasks and find nuance, energy and excitement is something that needs constant work. By the end of my training, I was able to run these routes without trepidation and focus on different elements of my run while I covered the same ground. 

“Every step is forward” - I love the idea of moving and growing in life. One particular long run all I wanted was to go forward - it made me think about how we can spend our lives looking back, dwelling, regretting or we can choose to always look forward, move on and take what lessons we can to do it better next time. 

“The journey is the destination” - not everything is about the big race day. Every ounce of effort that we put in along the way is a priceless gift to ourselves. Yes, the race is exciting (and somewhat terrifying) but what we’ve gained along the way is the ultimate reward. 

“Keep your eye on the prize” - there will be good days and bad ones. Easy runs. Hard runs. In the end, every one stacks up to help you reach your goal. You won’t feel great every time you start. Most days the first couple miles will feel like a massive effort and you’ll wonder how you ran 16 the other day but 3 are so hard today. In the end, the big picture is what you gotta focus on. 

“You put in the effort but ultimately G-d is in control of the outcome” - it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you did this, you put in the work and effort and it’s because of you that you succeeded. In the end of the day, the health abs strength is a gift from a higher power. Always keep it in mind and be thankful every day.  

People who haven’t run a marathon often say “this or that is like running a marathon” or “life is a marathon”. In truth, it would be great if all of us lived our lives as if we were running a marathon! 

Post race endnote:

I finished my first marathon today. I still can’t believe I made it through. It was not the race I planned for and I didn’t make my time goal - but I am humbled by the accomplishment and by the gift of being able to push through even when I felt pretty awful. Had I kept to plan I might have made it in my planned time but I trusted others to set the pace and they didn’t quite keep to the plan. I didn’t trust my gut and by the time I realized it was a bit too late to recover my speed. But I learned a lot from this experience. 

Luckily my wise running friend told me beforehand that the journey is the destination. That gives me comfort post race since this was a totally different experience than I had imagined.

My first thought when things got rough was you have to run your own race. And sometimes the race you plan isn’t the one G-d had in mind for you. And I thought how maybe I needed some humbling - that what I thought would be a totally doable goal was out of my reach. When I realized I had to let go of my time goal and walk a little to reset I was disappointed but then I realized that I was blessed to have no cramps, no places that were extremely painful. Hashem had blessed me with a race where my body was working. I was fighting nausea and dizziness mostly. Likely a combo of going out too hard on the first half (rookie mistake) and not drinking enough and the cold.  I kept pushing, stopping another two times to try to reset my body before I could push more. I learned that it’s ok to feel bad and acknowledge that voice but that I had a louder voice pushing me, telling me quitting was not an option and I was going to finish. 

I literally said “hey Siri text husband” at mile 21 and told my husband I felt like crap - and he was so encouraging and told me I could do it and they were all at mile 22 so just push a little more. Coming past my entire family cheering and holding out their hands for me in a long line pushed me through. It reminded me that the village is real and they are my biggest cheerleaders. I knew I had to get through for myself and for them. 

By the time I got close to mile 24, I knew I was so close. I kept telling myself I’ve done way longer distances than 2 miles. Seeing my family at the finish line was the fuel I needed to surge. 

After I had finished my sister asked me how it was and I told her it was really tough. She told me that every time I passed them I had a smile and they had no idea what I was dealing with. We both realized it was a reminder of the age old lesson - just because everything looks ok to someone on the outside doesn’t mean things are ok.  It also reminded me that no matter how tough something is, you can always put on a smile. 

Overall, I’m so honored and privileged to have been able to have this experience. I keep reminding myself that the goal was the finish line and I made it. Technicalities aside, I am so grateful to G-d for giving me the good health to do this. I am so grateful for my supportive husband and kids who enabled me to train. And for the incredible running community I’m part of who make me feel like I always belong. 

Settling In

It’s that point in the year again - finally settling into some sort of routine. The holiday season is over and regular school is here. This is a time that always reminds me of the pros and cons of routine. 

I’m a person who thrives on routine in many ways. I like the predictable. I function best in an organized environment where I know what to do and when to do it. I think it helps kids to have a solid routine, they know what’s coming and what’s expected of them.

But routine has its pitfalls - it can make us complacent and stilted. There has to be some counterbalance not to become boring. 

This year I’ve upended my regular routine and taken on what feels to me like a huge challenge. I’m not even sure when the idea started to germinate but at some point it was just there and grew. I decided to take on a full marathon - something many people have done the world over and yet to me wasn’t even on my radar a few years ago. 

I put in the work, ran the long training distances - met the “wall” and pushed against it. I’m one week away from the big day and all there is left to do is run the thing. 

But like most things in life - there’s always a but. Silly mundane things can change your approach. Silly mis-steps like stubbing your toe. And so, 8 days out, instead of following the plan - here I am resting in my bed with my foot elevated and iced and skipping my run. 

But these things, like most hiccups, shouldn’t deter you. They’re just our small reminders that with the best laid plans, we’re truly not in control. That routines are made to be broken sometimes.  That it’s ok to go off script.

Why am I rambling about this on a parenting blog? Honestly probably two reasons. First, when you’re training for something big, your life kind of begins to revolve around it. Second, because I really think this lesson applies to most things in life and especially with our kids. 

You can do everything right or everything wrong with planning for your kids. You can have the best routines and structures and supports in place for their success. But ultimately you can’t control their outcomes. 

They are small humans who become big humans. They have their own ways of doing things, seeing things, approaching things. They will have their challenges despite whatever effort you make to pave a smooth path for them. 

These challenges will build them if you give them the right tools and attitudes towards them. The ability to know the routine exists will allow them to bend and mold it to the style that works best for them. 

The key element is to set them up for success but not to bind them to your version of routine or structure; Respecting their world view. 

As someone who hasn’t yet run an actual marathon, I won’t make the reference of something difficult being like running one - too cliche and overused - but hopefully in 8 days …

Don't Look Back

I don't get much time to write lately.  Between work, kids, and marathon training (what was I thinking??) time is kind of at a premium currently.  But those long Sunday runs for my training do give me a lot of time to think.  This week, I didn't want to do an "out and back" where I retrace my steps for the second half of the run and my husband so generously offered to pick me up at the end so I could just go forward.  It got me thinking about how much running and training teaches you so much about life in general.  Two really quick examples - 

• When I run and I'm getting stuck in a rut, I think about putting one foot in front of the other.  Not always thinking about how long I have to go, just one step at a time.
• When I run and I pick a destination - I don't look back.  Reflecting is good, don't get me wrong, but moving forward and not dwelling is key.  It doesn't matter what happened before, it only matters what happens next.

So...how does this relate to parenting? Funny you should ask.

I was thinking about how often we dwell or fixate on what type of kid we have.  I was recently discussing with someone how all too often, kids get labeled as ...

• weak student/strong student
• wild/calm
•  cooperative/disobedient
• you name it...

Sometimes we get so stuck on seeing a child in the light of certain events or experiences and we forget about giving them the space and the ability to be more than just their label.  Behaviors don't define our children.  Behaviors have many sources.  They can be the result of a stage they are going through.  They almost always are expressions of something going on inside them that needs to be broached or figured out.  But they are not the be all and end all of what your child IS.  They should not define how we approach them or how educators view them.

Yom Kippur is approaching, a time of reflection, forgiveness, introspection.  I'd like to encourage everyone to take this time to look forward, move forward, and see forward.  If we all try to see our kids as people, individuals expressing themselves in a variety of ways, to not type or label them but to just see their behaviors for what they are, I hope we can move forward into this new year with a fresh attitude and giving our kids a fresh start.

My destination for this week's run

Life really is like going round and round this track - just watch for the sunrises, they do make it worthwhile

Do You See What I See

All too often, our world view shapes the way we perceive situations and the people in them. Being a casual observer of ones own life is not a skill most people possess. A while ago we discussed taking advice and talked about how to accept advice from others (and model that for our kids to do in their own lives). Today I want to take a bit of a different angle - seeing this topic in a different light. 

Try to answer these two questions honestly - 

1. Are you the type of parent who can hear criticism of your parenting and accept it?

2. Are you the type of parent who can hear criticism about your child and be honest and open about it?

Yes, I said HONESTLY! Of course we would all like to say YES to both - but it’s not so easy to hear your own faults.  We often own our children’s faults to such a degree that we feel responsible for their shortcomings.  Embarrassed by their weaknesses…embarrassed by our own fallibility … possibly feel that people judge us and our parenting based on our children’s behaviors.   

The most important thing to remember is that we are all human.  If we were perfect, our job would be done here.  There is always room for growth and improvement. 

Another  important thing to bear in mind: your kids are individuals - you are no more responsible for their successes than their failures. You can steer, tweak and assist their development but you cannot control their choices.    

I was recently talking with my niece who is training for her first marathon. She’s reading a book about how to train and the mental game. She told me about this concept where if you are getting fatigued, you visualize getting to swap legs with someone. I loved the idea, even have been using it on some pretty tough runs when I’m about ready to give up. But it made me think - could we utilize this technique when hearing criticism about ourselves or our kids? Could we pretend we are someone else, listening (or better yet giving) this critique and how would we feel about the situation if that were the case?

Assume the advice is coming from a good place. Most people aren’t trying to personally attack your character - they’re trying to help you see what you can’t easily perceive. It’s always easier to see things from an outside POV.  

Be honest with them about your ability to hear It. It isn’t always a good time to be given advice. 

Don’t feel the need to respond. Sometimes just listening is enough. Think it through on your own terms and time.   

 The key here is to do our best to be casual observers of our lives and try to be able to step outside of the situation and hear what’s behind whatever message you’re getting.  We all want to improve, grow and becoming better people - and to do so sometimes we need to step out of our comfort zone and experience a bit of our own growing pains.      

Personalities

 I need to start today's post with some personal news - I became a Grandmother last week.  Its still settling in and quite weird to actually put that in print.  Life moves so fast sometimes and its amazing to see how quickly we go from changing our own kids diapers to changing a grandbaby in diapers.  I have all kinds of amazing feelings about this that are impossible to put in writing.  Bottom line, no matter how intense and insane whatever stage you're at right now is, remember the good stuff comes!

On to today's topic - personalities.

It is kind of inevitable that at some point, you and your child will have a personality clash.  Yes, some kids have the type of personality that just flows with yours, but more often than not you'll have a child who just doesn't.  Or doesn't for a time.  This can happen at any point from toddler to teen but most parents experience something of this phenomenon as their kids hit their teen years. Personality clashes can happen in small and big ways.  I recently read an article about the types of "Verts" - it described the different types of people:

The “verts” are categories we put ourselves and others in, based on our personalities. There are generally three types:

• Introvert – a person who likes their own company, ponders their own thoughts and can tire quickly in social situations. They are stereotypically quiet and even lack confidence.
• Extrovert – a person who thrives in the company of others, enjoys sharing and caring for others. They are typically loud and confident.
• Ambivert – a little mix of both.

(5 Types of a Personality Clash between People and How to Handle It - Learning Mind (learning-mind.com)

I think this is a good starting point to understand personality clashes.  (I'm not sure I completely agree with their assessment of confidence, but that is a side point).  Sometimes, understanding your child's personality is as simple as realizing your child isn't necessarily the same type of person as you are.  You like to share and discuss, your child prefers to keep it to themselves.  You are quiet and thoughtful, your child feels a need to fill every room with words and noise.  However you see this, it is difficult not to put your own personality type onto your child.  It might be enough for them to say the day was good and move on, you don't necessarily need all the details, no matter how much you want them.  

Most of this part seems fairly elementary.  Once you take a step back and assess the type of personality your child has, it is easier to meet the needs of their personality.  It is important not to put your needs onto them.  For example, your need to know the minutia of their day shouldn't be imposed on them.  If that feels like an interrogation to their personality type, take a step back and realize they will share when and what they want.

The biggest challenge of understanding different personalities or personality phases is when the going gets really rough.  Your child is at a point where you can't relate to some of their needs (or lack of needs).  

For example, you are a clean and neat person.  You want your child to have a clean and neat room.  In their current phase (or personality, depending which it is) they want to have freedom of expression.  To them that means not being told how to live in their own space.  This is a huge challenge for most people.  On the one hand, you want them to live in a hygenic clean environment.  On the other, you don't want to have constant battles.  This requires more than a little patience (and frankly saintliness) on the part of you as the parent.  Yes, you can explain your thought process and ask them to be considerate of the houses standards but no, it may not work.  You can probably talk until you're blue but that likely won't change the reality.  In this situation, you can either decide to clash constantly or you can take a step back.  Yes, it is against your personality type to allow this type of thing but the battle might not be worthwhile.  More than likely, at some point they will outgrow this phase.  Hopefully fast.  

I am by no means saying not to try and teach them some flexibility in their own personalities.  After all, they need the skills to learn to live and thrive with other types of people.  But I do think that sometimes we get lost in the details here and constantly try to push our children to do what we need and less what they feel.  Respect their feelings and their personality type and find the boundaries that feel appropriate in the situation.  

Sharing

 Well more time has passed than I expected since my last post - between post op recovery and everyone finishing school and the summer routine beginning, trips before we can’t travel for the rest of the summer…let’s just say it’s been busy. 

In my head I’ve written many topics but never got pen to paper. One thing that’s come up in a lot of discussions lately has been sharing information. I posed a question to my kids to see what they thought. Should parents share information with other parents about their children’s issues (mental or physical health or behavioral issues) if those children could be affected ? The responses varied - there were definitely points on both sides of the issue. 

To me the problem is not clear cut. On the one hand, a child with a behavioral or mental health issue which can pose a risk to other kids can be dangerous. Parents have the right to protect their children and to choose if they should be with that child and how. On the other hand, people certainly have a right to their privacy. Not everyone wants their personal struggles shared. 

I think there is a basic rule that should be followed about sharing information. If there is any type of danger that is possible, I think it is crucial to share the information with those people who it is applicable to. If, for example, your child tends to get physical when he/she is angry, I think a heads up to the parents of the closest playmates makes sense. Let them equip their children with the best information or strategy of how to deescalate.  If your child is going away for the summer and has any type of health issues, especially eating related which people tend to prefer to keep confidential, share the information with the camp nurse and counselor. Your child is entitled to privacy, of course, but not when it puts them or someone else at risk. 

Deciding to share information can make you feel vulnerable or can cause the child anxiety - don’t feel you must share with everyone.  It can also be freeing - secrets are an additional burden to carry on top of what you are already managing.  Choose wisely who you share with and when.  Most people will be surprisingly supportive. You will need a thicker skin because you will definitely meet some who are not or who just don’t get it or act pitying.  Remember they probably have their own issues they’re grappling with which you don’t know about.

I think an older child is entitled to be informed when information is going to be shared but I don’t think it should be their decision until they are old enough to be responsible for their own health decisions. 

In general, try to bear in mind that most of the issues your children struggle with are more common than you think and most people you deal with will be kind and responsive.  When choosing whether or not to share information, think how you’d feel if something happened which was preventable with the right information. In the end, I think I come out on the side of sharing conscientiously and carefully. 

Worry

 I am sure I had a better title when I was originally thinking this up but no such luck now. I decided to put something out hoping it both speaks to people who have had to go through their own health issues and to encourage discussion and testing as a public health message. Mostly when I write, I think about my kids reading this as adults and I hope the message speaks to them.

Let’s start at the beginning. I’m having surgery today to remove what the doctor believes is a benign growth. There’s a very long backstory which is too detailed to get into here but the reason I’m sharing this is mostly to encourage women to do their annual testing. All too often we put things off because they’re uncomfortable or we’re too busy caring for everyone else. So I’m here to encourage and remind you to take care of yourself and your health. Do regular breast exams and start mammograms at whatever age your Dr recommends. Since the 1990s, mammograms have reduced the mortality rate from breast cancer by 40%. Yes there are false positives, but the overwhelming benefit outweighs those!

Why on a parenting blog? First - hoping this reaches many moms. Second, I thought about how to approach this with my kids and hope it might help to share that. 

When the kids are little they think we’re invincible. We can solve any problem and have every answer. We don’t have weaknesses in their minds. That all changes when they become teens and we’re all weak and lacking answers. But whatever stage they’re in - it’s scary when something happens to us. If we don’t share anything, I think they worry more. 

My experience is that sharing to each at their level helps them process it. Make sure that your worry doesn’t become theirs. They’re not your confidant. They need bite size information that helps them process the experience. I think it’s important to answer their questions honestly. 

I told my older kids the full story because they’re basically adults, my teenage son (“mom this is gross don’t tell me”) so I didn’t go into details, just the basics. For the younger kids, I told them I needed a surgery and that it wasn’t dangerous and the doctors just need to double check what they believe they’re seeing on other tests. My 12 year old had some questions and asked me if he needed to worry. I told him that Hashem does the worrying so we can skip that part because He’s got our back. But I told him the truth - the surgery itself was a little scary to me and I’m trying to control my own reactions. That’s my part in the process. 

Everyone’s got their own approach and their own attitude. It’s ok to be scared, I just think when it comes to the kids we have to show them both the human side and the braver side. They’ll likely model it when it’s their turn to be adults and put on a brave face. 

Hoping to share many good news posts. Please spread the message to all the moms and women in your lives - prevention is the best medicine!

Reflecting

להגיד בבקר חסדך, ואמונתך בלילות

I had written a whole piece on how to start exercising that I was going to send out to the group (and still plan to) but there are times when we just need to pause and reflect. 

My main goal with this blog has always been a type of journal that I use to think out life (and possibly help others sort thru their parenting dilemmas and challenges) and also for my kids older selves - so they could look back to see how and what I was thinking and feeling as we went through our daily lives. 

The tragedy in Meron, Israel last week is one of those times. When something so huge happens to our own people, we need to pause. Everyone processes tragedy differently. Some people need to sit with the pain and feel and let it sink in and pass. Others can’t think about it because it’s plain too much to take in. Some people felt this one far too close to home as they had kids there, family or friends there, knew someone who didn’t survive or had some close or even tangential connection. Some people need to understand how it happened while others search for the why. 

I can’t answer any of these questions for anyone. Nor can I actually tell you the best way to present this to your children or to process it yourself.  I do think that wherever you go from here, go changed. If this or any tragedy passes as just happenstance and we resume life as it was before, than there is wasted opportunity. Hold your children tighter, appreciate what is without worrying about what isn’t or cannot be. 

I can’t help but feel that sometimes, G-d is whispering to us and other times He is on a loudspeaker - what message He is delivering is likely different for every person and I’m sure there are many messages we will never understand.  Open your heart and try to hear whatever the message is for you. 

May each person touched by this tragedy find healing and comfort in the days to come. 

Carving it Out

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me how important I feel it is to exercise.  Some might go so far as to say I’m a little crazy when it comes to the topic.  Aside from the practical piece of it - feeling that it is a key element of being on top of our physical well being - the mental health benefits are extremely rewarding.  We’ve discussed in a previous post about the Body aspects - modeling for our children the need to integrate healthy behaviors in our lives in order to make it part of their norm.  We’ve also discussed the ME TIME  aspect of it in a Previous post. Today I want to discuss a different key element. 

Before turning to the main point of my post, I want to put one disclaimer out here. The why not to do this. Don’t get me wrong, I think everyone should integrate some form of exercise into their lives. But I tire of people saying things to me about how they should really exercise for weight reasons. Exercising DOES help maintain a stable, healthy weight but it is not an Avenue to weight loss (if you ask me, a non professional, I may add).  It IS a good part of a healthy lifestyle but PART is the key word.  Exercise for the multiple benefits - but don’t see it as a magical diet fix.  The best way to lose weight, if weight loss is one of your health goals, is to make a full plan that includes healthy choices and exercise.  And if you’re struggling with weight related issues, there are many professionals (doctors, dieticians, etc) who can help you make a plan. 

Ok so back to the previous idea - to me, those benefits we discussed are some of the whys. What I want to talk about today is the HOW.

I think to figure out a way to make something work, we first need to understand what’s holding us back. I see three main barriers to making exercise part of life: TIME, SUPPORT & MONEY.

TIME - even before you became a parent, you were probably busy and overcommitted, it’s the norm in today’s culture.  Everyone is pursuing something at all times.  When my kids were little someone once told me that everyone can make the time for something (I can’t recall what it was they wanted my time for) and I disagreed - even things we care deeply about get shunted to the side when practical life takes a front seat. But I stand corrected because I have seen time and again that people find the time for essentials.  You make the time when you see it as essential.  If you see your physical and mental health as a priority and you see exercise as a key piece in that equation, you will find the time.

SUPPORT- this element takes on so many meanings in my mind. You can do things on your own but it’s always harder. Having a supportive partner makes a huge difference in your chance for success.  This could mean a partner in your exercise - a spouse or friend is ideal - but it could just as easily mean a supportive partner who makes sure you can get out the door.  I always find that having supportive community in my exercise enables me to not only have someone to exercise with but also someone to be accountable to and to push me farther or vice versa.  I’ve developed some of the best friends in my various running groups and they’ve truly become an incredible part of my life.  

MONEY- no matter if you’re in a crowd that discusses this or not - many people struggle with finding funds for extras.  And many people think they need to put out money in order to get going on a new exercise regime.  Be it for a gym membership, trainer, equipment or classes.  The truth is - you need nothing more than a pair of sneakers to start (and starter tip -  Ross sells cheap ones of older models).  It doesn’t matter what type of exercise you want to do eventually - just start with something and go from there.  You can walk or run - the important part is taking that first step.

Now that you’ve thought about what’s holding you back, you’re more likely to find solutions to make it possible. 

 If time is the issue, figure out what can be trimmed from your schedule here or there - don’t feel like you need an hour a day - start with something attainable like 3 times a week for half hour. Like anything new, introducing it in small doses is your surest way to stick with it.

Support - If your partner or kids don’t realize the need you have for some flexibility to fit this in - discuss it. Explain the benefits.  Have small kids and can’t leave? Take them along for the ride.  Talk to friends or other parents - see if you can find someone to partner up with. It is both someone to commiserate with while you’re overcoming the beginning challenges and someone to talk to and pass the time.  Sometimes, it’s actually the best support group you can ask for while raising children.  

Money - there are no shortage of streets, paths and beautiful places to explore while you fit this in - and they’re all free - double benefit! If outdoors doesn’t appeal - YouTube! There are tons of free videos with workouts from yoga & pilates, cardio, abs and everything in between.

So get out there and move - 

— carve out the time

— set up a support system before you begin 

—take the first step 

You’ll likely be a better parent and a more energetic person once those endorphins kick in.

Good luck, hope to see you on the trails!

Inch by Inch

Two interviews I heard this week made me want to write.  I've felt a lot lately that there's too much repetition in what I'm discussing - like parenting basically boils down to two main things:

1. Actions speak louder than words

2. Every kid is unique so there are no one size fits all solutions

And while its true that it kind of does boil down to those two basic ideas - its also true that there's a lot of nuance.  So I'm hoping the ability to discuss the different situations we face and the predicaments we find ourselves in helps us to channel those two things in the best way possible.

In one interview, a man was discussing his personal religious transformation and he said "it was less step by step and more inch by inch."  I loved this quote.  It crystalized a lot of how I see parenting.  So often we are mired in the details of everyday life, in the small battles and struggles, we fail to notice the micro changes going on around us.  Then one day, we wake up and we're dealing with an entirely different person.  All those tiny changes somehow add up and shape our kids into the people they are becoming.  When you're in the midst of a hard stage, it is really helpful to remember this.

It also reminded me that even when we don't noticeably see the effects of all the work we are putting into something, even something as small as an inch is a gain.  Human nature causes people to be their harshest judges, sometimes I think it is worth remembering that every inch we gain is an inch achieved. 

I heard Michelle Obama interviewing her mother about how she brought them up and  she said parenting was just natural - you did what seemed right.  Nowadays, she said, there's just too much talking and discussion and everyone telling you what to do but people aren't coming out any better.  I think some of what she said is true, we do talk too much.  Our kids aren't scared of us (which I think is a good thing) but sometimes they also lack a basic respect for their parents and adults.  It is generational.  But I still think the more we talk, the more we get things out in the open, the more we treat them like the cognitive, aware beings that they are, the better the chances of them being emotionally open and available and thoughtful as they get older.

So while I agree, there's no parenting technique which just works for every kid across the board, there are some basic ideas and concepts that, when applied, really do help us make the best, strategic decisions to help guide our children.

I feel somewhat like I'm rambling without a concrete to-do here, but its more of a thought provoking ramble than a call to action...

Can We Move On?

This past week was the holiday of Pesach/Passover.  We were lucky to have all our children home and together.  The difference between holidays with tons of guests and ones with mostly family-only meals is the level of focus on your own children.  The discussions revolve around them.  It is amazing, in my opinion.  And one of my daughters made a comment that really struck me - "What will people discuss when Corona ends?"  Of course there are always THOSE topics.  The public and private conversations ebb and flow with the news cycles.  But what it really made me think about is - are we giving our kids the right message with all this dwelling? Maybe now we have a real opportunity to help them learn how to move on.  Stop dwelling.  

Harvey Mackay said "Every morning brings new potential, but if you dwell on the misfortunes of the day before, you tend to overlook tremendous opportunities."

How many times have you sat around with friends and the discussion turned to the tuition crisis? We all know it exists. To date, no one has a solution. We keep sending our children back into the same school system and then complaining about the cost. Maybe it’s important to move on and accept we’re not changing it so let’s stop whining about it. 

Before we talk about the how of moving on, I want to stress that moving on and processing a painful or tragic experience is completely different from what I’m discussing.  Someone who experiences a tragedy and needs to move forward has to go through a totally different process of therapeutic healing.  If, for example, someone lost a family member or friend to Corona, the discussion would be completely different.  My focus here is on dwelling on the same issue over and over as a general idea.

So back to the how: Modeling this behavior is the key.  And it doesn't only apply to the pandemic and the endless Covid discussions.  Every argument should be dealt with and put to bed.  Bringing up the same mistakes, experiences, negative interactions over and over will not change them.  

Teach them this skill in 4 easy steps:

• Acknowledge the experience
• Dissect it when appropriate
• Take the best lessons we can from it
• AND THEN MOVE ON!

Failure to take the time to do any of the steps will result in being unable to move on from the experience.  If you've truly dealt with an experience/interaction - you can move forward.  I know how difficult this is because I suffer from the spiral - going back to old issues and digging them up over and over.  Believe me, it never helps.  It is a healthy mindset in every relationship to live in the present.  

So move on from all your discussions revolving around Corona, your kids will be grateful.  It isn't past, we are still going to have to deal with this as part of our reality - and it is a shifting ever-changing reality - but we all know the story and we don't benefit from dwelling on it.

Strength

This week is international women’s day. Many people have been discussing strong women. Lauding them. Strong women create strong families.  “A woman of valor.”  And it begged the question - do you think being strong is something inherent or something we can teach?

That’s a question I ask myself often. I’ve worked hard the past several years on my personal strength - internal and external. I believe they go hand in hand. If I feel strong and powerful in my physical self, it helps build my mental strength. Using mental strength I can endure more physically. They are intricately linked. It’s amazing the way our minds work. I can convince myself to keep going on a hard run by using these kinds of mind games. I can be at the end of my physical endurance and somehow convince myself to do just a bit more - and somehow I find myself finishing a half marathon spontaneously. 

I hope that strength can be taught. Likely more modeled than taught. 

In order to know what strong means - I thought I’d define some aspects of what I see as strength  I would love comments on what you see as strength as well.

Strength is...

-understanding what you’re good at 

-emotional honesty - without embarrassment and not seeing it as weakness 

-willingness to take reasonable risks 

-speaking your mind and opinions unapologetically-  not rude or brash but honest 

-pushing limits - both physically and emotionally 

-being able to feel pain without being consumed by it 

-being able to recover - from whatever comes your way 

When it came to naming my youngest daughter, it was my turn to choose. I wanted to imbue in her a sense of becoming a strong woman. I named her after a woman in the Bible who was a warrior, Yael, who killed the general Sisra in one of Israel’s wars. And I made her a mantra I remind her of often when she’s scared - that she is brave and strong like the woman she was named for. I believe, in time, she will internalize that lesson. 

Kids see how we live. They absorb everything from our mannerisms to our reactions. They see our confidence. They feel our power. Give your kids the gift of your strength. 

Take Five

We’ve discussed taking a few minutes or even just a few breaths before responding to any given situation with our kids  (see the Recent post about knee jerk reactions). I was recently having a discussion with a friend about this and how it would serve our kids so well  if we impart that skill to them. I figured it was worth a post of its own. 

These days I feel like parents are much more involved in their children’s day to day struggles. The entire approach of our generation tends to a much more hands on, into the nitty gritty type of parenting. There are so many benefits to this - we are more approachable and relatable, our kids benefit from the day to day involvement in numerous ways. But there are drawbacks as well. Some parents tend to become over involved - solving all of the kids problems for them in our attempt to give them a more perfect view of the world. 

Sometimes we forget that they’re going to be out there on their own and need the skills to solve their own problems. I’ve seen more than my share of overwhelmed kids who don’t know where to start when faced with their own adversity - whether in school, with friends or elsewhere. 

Obviously we can’t solve this issue in one post - but teaching them an essential first step can get us on the road to helping. 

Take five. 

Any problem - big or small - can be solved. But the more overwhelmed we feel, the less likely we are to find the optimal solution. The importance of taking a few minutes to compose ourself, calm down and think of a good approach cannot be overstated. Waiting and taking a breath shouldn’t only apply to anger. It helps in most problem solving. 

As with so many things, we can model this for our kids when we are overwhelmed. Coming into the house with kids from school and groceries and dinner to get on the table after a long day - show them you take a few minutes, settle yourself and figure out the best way to approach the evening. Once they see us doing it, they’ll likely do it for themselves when needed. It’s the type of thing which is easy to give a nudge in the right direction. 

My youngest sometimes gets overwhelmed by situations and starts to cry and honestly can’t identify what is upsetting her. We’ve started to just ask her if she’d like a few minutes to sit and compose herself. The endless talking and discussion with an overwrought child will not likely resolve their issue. A few quiet minutes will. 

I hope giving them this essential first step to problem solving will jumpstart kids to become self reliant. 

Vulnerability

 I was running in this slushy winter mix this morning and trying to distract myself from how soggy my feet were getting. I was listening to a podcast by Brene Brown as she interviewed Melinda Gates. It was fascinating. I try to get one or two takeaways from the things I listen to - and today I was not disappointed. She talked about how we “learn and unlearn and relearn” which I thought so adequately captured the way ones approach in life should be. What else can a growing, evolving person want other than to keep changing and processing and tweaking our approach in life. 

She also touched on something that put into words something I’ve felt for a while. Melinda Gates explained how when she first worked at Microsoft there was a guys culture and she didn’t like the person she saw herself becoming. She knew how to keep up with the guys but didn’t want to. She was going to quit two years in when she decided, in a last ditch attempt, to just be herself. She found that when she did that, people respected her. Her teams listened and worked better together. And she liked herself better. She explained that real success comes when we put ourselves on the line and become vulnerable to failure. 

When kids are young I don’t know how this applies. But as teenagers and young adults, it spoke deeply to me. Showing your teenager your vulnerability with their struggle takes a lot of courage. We are nervous about being perceived as weak. We want our children to think we always know what to do and how to do it. Showing them we are scared can be downright terrifying. But it also shows them strength. It can touch the depths of their heart and open them up. If we can never be scared or wrong, how can they show fear or admit mistakes?

There is a huge difference between sharing a fear you have and making it their fear.  A fine line between sharing and guilting.  If you take this approach, it must come from deep inside and with no strings attached. 

I honestly have the perfect example for this one but out of respect for my kids privacy I can’t share it. I challenge you to think of times in your children’s lives and struggles where showing them your own vulnerability could reach them. When all else fails, when you’ve tried every approach to an issue and have gotten nowhere - try being vulnerable and honest and see how it goes.

Just Believe

Recently I’ve been helping a new mom through sleep training - I instantly loved this woman when she called me a guru (when my kids were little and I was so rigid about their sleeping because I couldn’t function without my sleep, guru was not the first word that came to mind when people talked about my approach 😂).  We’ve been going through the ups and downs of how to get a baby into a new habit. It’s fun and refreshing and brings back so many memories. I completely remember that feeling of sleepless nights and wondering if it would ever end. And somehow, it did. And I survived. And I did it again (and again and again). I gained confidence with each one. By the last two kids I enjoyed that time - the quiet of night when it was just me and the baby and no one else to pay attention to. But without the experience of the last few to remind me that tunnel had a shining light at the end I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy it. 

You’re probably wondering if my walk down memory lane has a point - and it does. So much of our learned and shared human experience is based on living through things. We gain confidence each time we successfully navigate a situation. What struck me when thinking about this was that if we’d somehow just believe in ourselves and our abilities to begin with - how incredible that would be for how we approach situations. 

As a parent you are dealing with new things on a daily basis. Some are small and seem inconsequential, some are huge mountains to climb. No one knows the magic formula to succeed. None of us know if our approach to any particular thing will work. We’re all new to so much on a regular basis. Just when you think you’ve got it, life throws you another curveball and you have to react. Just as you’ve mastered diapers and toddlers, you’re toilet training. You think you’ve scored a home run as your child walks down the aisle at their graduation and then you’re figuring out the next stage. You’re an ever evolving parent - bending and relearning. 

Beneath it all - if you can believe in yourself, trust yourself - then you can navigate all the new situations as they arise. You don’t have to have all the answers, it’s ok to self doubt, to stop and rethink and reroute. But if you can believe you have got this then I believe your children will believe it too. Even without the answers, the approach, the details - you do have this. They feel that confidence and they breed off it. When they feel you self-doubting then they doubt you as well. Sometimes, we put it on as a show until the real plan and confidence formulates. But it all starts with believing in yourself. Babies feel it, they inherently know when you trust yourself and then they react to that confidence. Teenagers, ever ready to pounce on weakness, sense it. It’s amazing what this small but crucial feeling will do to you as a person and as a parent. 

Just believe!

What We Don’t Know

 What we don’t know could fill a book, right?

A while ago I posed a question about trying to see other people’s parenting motives from a different perspective. I asked my readers how they see this issue - where you see a parent acting a certain way and you just jump to judge if they’re handling a situation properly. 

I never did get to publish those answers - I might have mentioned some in a different post. At this point there are too many posts for me to scroll through and see so if this is a repeat, forgive me. Some things are kind of worth repeating anyways. 

The best answer I got on this question was from my sister. She said everyone loves their children. If you can remind yourself of that, you’ll never jump too fast to judge them. Clearly whatever choices they’re making they feel they are best for their children. They might be making the wrong choices but usually it’s at least for the right reasons.

I had a thought to add to that amazing answer. We have no clue what battles are being waged in anyone’s lives. Everything can seem so calm and “instaperfect” from the outside but that tells us nothing of what is actually happening in those lives. Everyone has their struggles and every parent at any given moment is dealing with myriad issues in their own and their children’s lives we most likely know nothing about. We have discussed normalization of mental health issues in the past but as a society we are so far from being there. People aren’t necessarily going to explain to you the why of what they’re doing with their kids. And frankly they shouldn’t have to - it’s their own business. 

I feel like it’s a good thing to remember this in our everyday lives. Instead of seeking to judge or criticize others parenting - let’s seek to empathize with them. Whether or not we understand what they’re dealing with - we all know raising kids is never simple. Let’s be partners, teammates, a support system of parents instead of the peanut gallery. 

New Year - Moving Forward

 If you’d ask most people, I think they’d say 2020 was a bust. I don’t agree but I can see their point. When 2020 began, I wrote a post about my hope for the year - of it being one of Vision.  I believe in many ways it was - perhaps it taught us more about clarity and priorities than we ever imagined possible. 

This weekend, 2021 began. I heard a fantastic clip from a speech given by Stacey Abrams this morning which very much resonated with me. She said she moves forward because moving backwards isn’t an option and standing still isn’t enough. 2020 has taught us lessons. It has tested us. It has forced us to adjust. Prioritize. Rethink. But the time has come to move forward. We are ready for the new normal. We are ready for 2021.  Two things struck me that I wanted to share.

First, as we’ve discussed in the past, creating the new normal - the post corona world - is a unique opportunity.  I don’t believe we need to go back to what was. We can choose what things we’d like to bring back into our lives and what things we’ve been better off without. What a unique opportunity.

Second, often in life we dwell. Things happen and pull us down. Life happens. Unexpected circumstances arise. Our job as parents (and people) is to keep moving forward. Take the next step. Show our children that we don’t live in that past or hold onto that reality. We can move forward with hope and energy. Yes, this past year was tiring and trying. No, the pandemic is not yet history. But we are able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The vaccine is slowly making its way to us. The next steps will take patience but change is always a slow process. 

I wish everyone a safe year, filled with happiness and good health. A year full of hope and new and better normals.