Can We Move On?

This past week was the holiday of Pesach/Passover.  We were lucky to have all our children home and together.  The difference between holidays with tons of guests and ones with mostly family-only meals is the level of focus on your own children.  The discussions revolve around them.  It is amazing, in my opinion.  And one of my daughters made a comment that really struck me - "What will people discuss when Corona ends?"  Of course there are always THOSE topics.  The public and private conversations ebb and flow with the news cycles.  But what it really made me think about is - are we giving our kids the right message with all this dwelling? Maybe now we have a real opportunity to help them learn how to move on.  Stop dwelling.  

Harvey Mackay said "Every morning brings new potential, but if you dwell on the misfortunes of the day before, you tend to overlook tremendous opportunities."

How many times have you sat around with friends and the discussion turned to the tuition crisis? We all know it exists. To date, no one has a solution. We keep sending our children back into the same school system and then complaining about the cost. Maybe it’s important to move on and accept we’re not changing it so let’s stop whining about it. 

Before we talk about the how of moving on, I want to stress that moving on and processing a painful or tragic experience is completely different from what I’m discussing.  Someone who experiences a tragedy and needs to move forward has to go through a totally different process of therapeutic healing.  If, for example, someone lost a family member or friend to Corona, the discussion would be completely different.  My focus here is on dwelling on the same issue over and over as a general idea.

So back to the how: Modeling this behavior is the key.  And it doesn't only apply to the pandemic and the endless Covid discussions.  Every argument should be dealt with and put to bed.  Bringing up the same mistakes, experiences, negative interactions over and over will not change them.  

Teach them this skill in 4 easy steps:

• Acknowledge the experience
• Dissect it when appropriate
• Take the best lessons we can from it
• AND THEN MOVE ON!

Failure to take the time to do any of the steps will result in being unable to move on from the experience.  If you've truly dealt with an experience/interaction - you can move forward.  I know how difficult this is because I suffer from the spiral - going back to old issues and digging them up over and over.  Believe me, it never helps.  It is a healthy mindset in every relationship to live in the present.  

So move on from all your discussions revolving around Corona, your kids will be grateful.  It isn't past, we are still going to have to deal with this as part of our reality - and it is a shifting ever-changing reality - but we all know the story and we don't benefit from dwelling on it.