Every so often I just feel like writing something that is coherent and meaningful- most of the time I get these great ideas while I run and by the time I’m back and post core and stretch and shower the idea is a bit more fuzzy.
Today as I wandered and backtracked and switched back (since I had no idea I kept take dead end routes) I listened to several podcasts (thank you three weeks no music) and they got me thinking.
The host was talking about how we say we want something but then the reality of that things doesn’t necessarily match the idea we had. His topic was relationships - how some people say they want someone ambitious but then complain when the person isn’t available and around when they want. Others say they want someone nurturing but when they end up with someone who is not spontaneous and has to take care of everything and they are bored they’re confused.
All of this got me thinking about expectations and reality. We’ve talked about setting expectations before but this type of discussion is more about the reality of expectations. I find so often we live life with a vision of what should be, what our kids should do, what type of parents we should be, what type of spouse we should have. I’ve realized how much of life is lived in the realm of should’ve could’ve and not what actually is.
Few people envisioned the life they live when they started out. It’s cliche to describe the trip and how you ended up in a different location but all too true. Maybe your kids are exactly as you imagined them, taking the route you planned. Maybe they are entirely different personalities than you expected with struggles you never imagined possible. Maybe your job is what you always dreamed of and maybe you’re just working for the paycheck. Maybe your relationship looks like you pictured it when you married, maybe it’s a totally different dynamic than you expected. So many people live their lives with the original ideas of things deeply entrenched into their perspective. Whether we realize it or not, we frame so many things by how we thought they would be versus how they turned out. What we think it should look like versus how it is.
Sometimes I think about this when I’m stuck or struggling with something - be it kids, work, family. I have been trying to work on letting go of all these preconceived notions and expectations and looking at the reality and trying to work with that. It’s such a hard concept and harder even to put into practice but I think it is also freeing.
Being humans I do think it’s unrealistic to say we’ll get rid of all expectations and just live in the reality but taking the time to understand what our expectations are and what they mean might be a small step towards letting go of some of them. Being honest with ourselves about what they would look like in real life and, if they’re expectations of others, if it’s something we ourselves do or put into practice, could help towards this.
Is this parenting or life advice or the ramblings of a person who’s done a few too many solo runs, who knows? But it’s definitely an idea worth turning over.
