Pressure

Scroll through any social media feed these days and you see one person after another urging you to make memories with your kids during these crazy times, accomplish great things, make this a time to remember more than a world in the grip of a terrible disease with sickness and death all around. I don’t know about anyone else but people, enough already!

One podcast I listened to on a recent run had one woman saying that if she “accomplished” not killing anyone in her house this would be a successful time in her mind - and I could seriously relate.

Yes, we are all doing our best here but we don’t need this added pressure to do something great - be real - we are stuck at home 24/7 with few outlets or social interactions. Most parents are spending their days juggling online work, online school and keeping a passable house while putting food on the table nonstop. And loads of people are facing serious financial challenges doing it. These are crazy times.

All of this got me thinking about pressure. There is so much pressure in life - for us and our kids - we don’t always take a step back to appreciate it. There’s pressure to keep up a certain standard of living, to send our children to certain schools, to be at our best at all times to be role models to the kids, to be patient and supportive partners - the list goes on and on. Our kids face tremendous pressure in their lives as well. At every stage there’s school and peer pressure. There’s choices and challenges for them to make and navigate. And I started to mull over how to best handle the pressure without letting it make your choices for you. Without letting it define you.

I think it’s essential to remember what the source of pressure really is in order to understand how to mitigate it. The only pressure that really exists is one which we put on ourselves. That is a bitter pill to swallow since most people believe that the external pressure is not a choice. I believe it is always a choice. You get to decide what your priorities are and execute on those. You do not have to conform to anyone else’s belief about how to live your best life. It sounds like someone’s instagram quote of the day but it is really the truth if you can take a step back and be honest with yourself.

If you truly believe and accept that you are the only person who determines what level of importance items take on in your life - and believe and embrace it deep down not just with meaningless words or platitudes- then pressure takes on a completely different meaning. You can decide what to “pressure” yourself about. You can help your children navigate the “pressure” all around. You can transform the pressure into motivation to be your better self.

Redefine pressure. 

So do we have external pressures? They exist but we can define how much importance we give them.  Help your children (and yourself) by discussing them. Put them into perspective and decide which are pressures you want to impose upon yourself and which are not worth your time. Back it up with actions. If they hear you saying that it doesn’t matter if someone else did X and then you insist on doing it also - they get crossed signals.

I decided long ago not to be a part of the fashion pressure in the world. It didn’t hold enough importance to me to feel the need to waste money season after season to buy the latest and greatest clothes. When I need new clothes, I get them. But I don’t care if my dress is “so last year.”  I don’t force my teens to keep to that standard - but I also don’t give in to their constant shopping pressure. They get to buy the things they need and then if they want additional things (I’m sure everyone has that teen who just must have the latest and greatest shoe trend) then they have to buy it themselves. It is self imposed pressure and it’s ok if they decide to make it a priority but I don’t have to endorse it by funding it.

I put huge pressures on myself as a mom to be everything for everyone at home - and usually it blows up in my face as I wear myself down and am not very useful to anyone. It’s a work in progress. I’m constantly redefining what pressures I want in my world. And I struggle against the external pressures to put them in perspective. But if we aren’t aware of it we can’t change it.

In a recent discussion with a friend, she was sort of negating an effort she made in her running (“I just did 2 miles it wasn’t a real run”) and I reminded her that every time you put one foot in front of the other it is a run. I think that’s critical here - we need to stop allowing the pressure of what everyone else is doing to define our achievements and frame our pressures. Her running two miles is no less vital than someone else’s ten - she got herself out, moved and made exercise a priority. And not being at your pinnacle doesn’t mean you didn’t accomplish.

We are our worst enemy or our own best friend - just decide which side you want to be on and pressure yourself to be the best you.

As for Corona, the good memories will be there if you don’t force them. And having a bad day here or there or melting down once in a while won’t take them away. Neither will putting your foot down about not bouncing a ball in the house or kvetching that the kids aren’t helping enough. Just don’t make those the main discussions - let them be side talk. Relax and try to stay sane. NO PRESSURE...ha!