Can You Be Both?

Since I really write this to think through my approach and struggles, I decided today's post, though only tangentially about parenting, would be ok.


I recently had a conversation that really left me thinking about myself in a way that is almost uncomfortable but all too necessary.  The question posed to me was why I need to always be focused on improvement.  It seems like a strange question on the one hand - self improvement is supposed to be something we strive for - but when I thought about it, it was a really good question.  Self improvement means that we are actually looking at ourselves critically and deciding what we need to change.  Change means we don't like something the way it is.  In truth, I realized that the constant self reflection actually, in some ways, makes you someone who is dissatisfied with yourself. 


Yes, this is a strange conundrum.  We want to be people who strive for greatness, with a growth mindset - so how can we be both happy with who we are and where we are and also strive for improvement?


My favorite concept in High School was always BALANCE, it was something I thought about and pondered a lot.  I may have even written some poems about it...I know...this is getting embarrassing.  I think balance is such an important concept in our lives in everything we do.  I think it is possible to balance being a person who strives for growth while still being happy with who you are and where you are. 


The first thing I think we need to think about is how we see ourselves currently.  While being able to be critical about ourselves is an important skill, do we need to be negatively critical? Are we happy with ourselves overall? Do we find that we are frustrated on a regular basis by everyday occurrences?  Sometimes we are holding on to all types of anger or dissatisfaction and we don't even realize it, but it comes out in strange ways - like constantly second guessing ourselves or getting upset about inconsequential events.  When you stop to think about it, we all know someone who always seems to be all in a tizzy about every little issue.  If you answered yes to any of those questions, take some time and think about what it is that is really bothering you and try to figure out how to change that.  Once you do, you will likely stop seeing yourself as failing with your kids (or spouse or whatever) and needing a revamp and be able to think about improvement as step upwards while already standing in a pretty good place.


More than anything, what we have been focusing on is thoughtful parenting, the ability to be conscientious and react in appropriate ways that will shape our children's mindsets and thought patterns.  That will help them become thoughtful people, who make smart choices and react to situations in a thoughtful manner.  All too often, people get into patterns and habits in life that don't align with thoughtfulness - life can be very monotonous, aka it gets boring to do the same thing day in and day out and sometimes that causes us to turn our brains off - to go into autopilot. Habits are easy to form and really hard to break.  We get steeped in our lives and sometimes miss the big picture.  Having a place and a time to reflect on that and step back is an amazing opportunity.


One of the purposes of this blog is to help shut off the autopilot and regain the reins.  But that shouldn't be at the expense of seeing yourself and your parenting as something you need to overhaul, completely stop in your tracks or realize what huge mistakes you've made.  Mistakes are ok as long as they aren't repeated (too many times).  It is to help you make thoughtful, conscientious choices with yourselves and your children so you can feel fulfilled and propel your growth forward.