Housekeeping and Cleanliness

Ok now here’s when things start to get real for me. Everyone has their THING- the issue that impedes their ability to  function like a normal human. For me we have hit that topic. I’m completely ok with mess as the day goes along - but walking in to a disaster makes all my rational parenting skills dissolve and all I feel is frustration. I’m sure there are other people who get affected by physical mess this way - and I’m sure there are those among us who simply don’t care and can sort it out without losing it. Whichever category you fall into - dealing with kids and housekeeping and having a strategy for it can help a lot. For most people housekeeping is a B basket issue. I try to remind myself that in this way I should strive to be like most people. This is one that reminds me that it is not an urgent issue and should be handled when the time is right - not in panic mode.

Like so much of what we discuss - modeling and planning how to address housekeeping issues not only helps in the short run (you never want to feel like your kids maid) but will help them build much needed skills for the long run as well. That being said - be realistic. Whatever you teach them and however amazing you can score on this topic - as the parent you will always be doing the lions share of the housework. No matter how much they help, running a house and raising a family creates loads and loads of messes and - to be fair - we chose our family and (most likely) how many kids we have (give or take a few surprises for some people) and it’s not realistic to expect the kids to pick up most of the slack. But what can they do and how can we best show them how to be active participants in the house in a meaningful way?

First, involve them. It sounds simple but sometimes it is so much  faster and easier to do things ourselves when the kids are little (or big, truthfully, as teenagers don’t often respond on the first attempt or the tenth) that we simply take care of them. That is a no-no in my book, within reason of course. If you start your kids young feeling responsible for their surroundings, I believe you instill in them a feeling of responsibility.  It doesn’t have to be huge tasks at the beginning but even clearing their dishes when they finish, involving them in the washing up, getting them a little broom - whatever it takes to make them feel part of the cleanup routine. When they’re getting ready to go into the bath - they put their stuff in the hamper. They spread their bed covers in the morning. Small things that take a little extra patience on our end can payoff big time in the long run.

Now, if you’re coming into this at a different point in your parenting - all is not lost if you didn’t start this way. Parenting means having the ability to change directions and introduce new things. Starting a new routine with older kids is hard but not impossible. Especially if you can be honest and open with your kids in a non emotional way about an issue that is happening at home. Recently I’ve been overwhelmed by the sheer amount of cleanup and I realized I had totally succumbed to this mistake - not setting clear standards for what people should be contributing to in the housework and just taking care of it once everyone was settled for the  night- and I was exhausted. After several failed attempts at soliciting help - I wrote my kids a little letter (on the family WhatsApp, yes, the new age way to do it) and I asked them to be cognizant of the fact that after a full day of work I don’t really want to spend hours cleaning up at night and miss out on time with the younger kids so if everyone  pitched in and we cleaned the kitchen all at once we could probably cut the time significantly. It didn’t work overnight but with consistency and reminders it is getting so much better. The key is not to wait until it’s at breaking point and you’re ready to snap to address it - it’s never too late and nothing is impossible. I tell my kids we have a reset button in each of us and sometimes it’s time to push it.

Another truth here - sometimes we need a repercussion no discussion tactic here. If you’ve tried the positive routes and are not making progress - then comes time for the talk. I recently started a policy - if your stuff is out when I find it - it goes to the lost  and found. In my house, that was inconveniently located on the back porch. Weather was not a factor in this one. No one really wanted to be stuck going outside to find their shoes or backpacks that they had left strewn all over. It didn’t take too long for this policy to help with the messes that were being left for me.

There is so much that can be said for the topic of housekeeping so I’ll stop at this point for now and pick it back up at a future date with more on this topic.