The Basket Method

The second part of my method started with discussions with my mother. Whenever an issue arose and I would discuss it with my mom she’d say “is that really in the A basket?” So began the basket concept (thank you Mom!) - one I use frequently in dealing with all issues with my kids (and others) in my life. It’s a two part process.

Part 1 - make sure any issues that arise go into the correct “basket”.  There are 3 baskets (categories) that things can be sorted into. Basket A - the really important things. In my A basket I put items like safety, respect, self control to name a few. In my B basket - the significant but not ‘make or break it’ items. In my B basket I put things like school issues, housekeeping matters, friend issues. In my C basket - insignificant items. In my C basket I put things like annoying word usage, silly habits.

Part 2 - dealing with the basket issues. My A basket has the most important issues - they are non negotiable and have set repercussions. One has to set these guidelines up with the kids with discussions to begin with so expectations are clear. We often do this without thinking what we are doing as we set examples and have talks with our kids as they are growing and changing. The discussions end, however, in the repercussion stage. After the fact, once a mistake has been made, there is no discussion just a repercussion.

The clearest examples of these are usually simple - I'll start with straight forward ones.  As our discussions continue we'll try to apply this to the real life situations we encounter constantly.  Toddler age safety - Your small child is getting to walk instead of a being in a stroller and you've told them they can walk without a hand on the sidewalk as long as they don't run towards the street -- and they run toward the street.  They compromised safety so now they have to hold a hand even on the sidewalk.  No discussion just repercussion.  As kids get bigger the same concept applies, it just doesn't always seem as clear cut.  Now the child is old enough to cross streets alone and you've made it clear that they can either cross at a corner on small streets or with a cross walk on larger ones.  One afternoon they're going to their friend around the corner and you see them run right across the middle of a street.  They lose their walk alone privilege until they can display proper safety. No discussion just repercussion.  Obviously these are very clear cut examples where we aren't going to be flexible when it comes to a child's safety.  Each person has their own A basket issues and we have to decide what items are non-negotiable in our families and our lives.  It is the critical basket.  When these issues arise there are always consequences - no matter how inconvenient a time they are for us (or our other kids).  For those of you reading who have small children - I personally think it is a great time and opportunity to think through the A basket.  I often find people think something is critical and must be dealt with immediately but if they take a step back they find things aren't as urgent as they may seem.

When taken together with the big picture theory - baskets can really help you identify how and when to deal with issues - especially ones you're struggling with for a particular child.

In order to make this digestible and also not too time consuming I think we'll stop here for today and discuss the B basket in my next post.