Have we talked about the doctor ?

 Anyone ever struggle dealing with kids and doctors? I’m remembering the days of smalll kids and screaming fits when a shot came out. Middle schoolers and a total meltdown over a finger prick. 

Hard to remember how exactly I dealt with them in these situations before they were old enough to talk and reason with. I’m fairly certain that before they understood the word prize I held them down when I had to and once they got the gist I bribed my way through the small child stage. I’m sure a parenting expert could advise us about how to deal with that age group. Right now I’m more thinking through that age and stage when they’re old enough to get it and some things are just plain hard or painful but we have to get them through it anyways. 

My 11 year old has spent the last several years in and out of the doctor with a variety of illnesses. She is one of those kids who seems to pick up everything. I won’t go into detail about the medical pieces behind it all that we’ve discovered but I’m trying to think through how to help her deal with this adversity when she’s feeling rough or just can’t take dealing with doctors and illness anymore. It’s funny since I dealt with years worth of doctor visits with my oldest - from the time she was diagnosed until she aged out of the system and no longer needed me to accompany her - but I think her young child trauma from illness played a huge part in her anxiety at the doctors and the methods I used with her are definitely going to be different than the ones I’m employ now. They’re also very different types of kids and, let’s be honest, I’m a very different type of Mama now. 

I’ll preface this discussion with a few things - the first of which is that for the most part my daughter’s been super reasonable about most of the chaos. With two in patient stays, a colonoscopy before the age of 10, and more blood draws than I can count - she’s definitely had her fair share of stuff for an overall normal healthy child. Second, I like to write these things as much for me as for my kids - I pray I’m around for their parenting phases and that by the time someone is coming back to read my thoughts instead of coming to me with their questions of how I handle something it’s a great grandchild (if they even want my opinion by then) but you never know so always good to get it on paper when I can. 

With that - I want to brainstorm ideas about how to approach all things medical with our kids. 

1. I’ve always believed they should be in on the discussion. I know a lot of people disagree with me on this but from the time I had a baby with a brain tumor I’ve felt that the more she knew, in an age appropriate manner, the better it was.  Secrets were just another thing to manage during what is already a hard enough situation.  I obviously didn’t include my toddler in our powwow’s with the Dr but once she was old enough to understand what was happening we talked with the doctors together. Not only did she learn how to ask the questions needed to understand, it also helped get buy in when needed. I’ve been using that technique this time around as well. When the Dr suggests a treatment plan we talk about it all together. Let her ask her questions. Suggest reasonable modifications when appropriate.  Just yesterday we did several tests trying to troubleshoot yet another situation and after all the regular tests, the doctor suggested a finger prick for something which was on the outside of likely.  Instead of just agreeing, since I saw we were close to the end of our rope of cooperation, we discussed it and agreed to do that test later in the week if all the others came up negative. 

2. It’s ok for things to be hard. Acknowledging the pain, discomfort, upset is better than the shh, shh it’s ok method. When they’re babies, patting their back and telling them it’s ok is soothing - as they get older it’s another way we accidentally don’t let kids listen to themselves. Being sick stinks, sometimes you feel awful - it’s ok to acknowledge it and let them feel the yuck and feel heard. 

3. Google is your friend when used cautiously.  As long as you can choose a site that doesn’t scare the pants off your child, educate them about what they’re dealing with. It helps to know the process, it’s educational but also gives them an idea of what to expect, from length of illness to symptoms that are normal and when to tell you if something is off. Funny enough, we’re dealing with pneumonia this week and we just helped one of my older daughters, who is currently teaching high school physiology, make slides about the respiratory system so this time I had easy to find info on the issue. Major disclaimer for this - if your child is on the nervous side and creates symptoms - this is not for them. 

4. Pick your battles carefully. This is always a rule but really important when it comes to medical situations. Fluids are worth fighting about whereas getting normal food in less so during a short illness. You know your kid and your situation - just try not to fight with them about everything if they’re being unreasonable. Think about how unreasonable we can be when we feel awful!

5. Take care of yourself so you can take care of them. This means different things for each person - some need breaks from their kids to stay sane - lean on your partner or friends for this. Other people just need a shower and a book while sitting at their child’s side. 

I pray for good health and little need for this discussion, but always good to think through it while it’s not happening because trying to make good decisions and plan an approach on a few hours of sleep doesn’t usually work out that well!

Finding Balance

I was going through my blog and found an old draft from 2019 that I wrote but never finished. The recent post I wrote had such positive feedback it had me sitting and rereading old ones I enjoyed sharing. I hope this one finds the right readers who needed to hear this:

When I was in high school, my favorite topic to philosophize about was how to find the balance in life.  Things that seemed so complex to me at that age now seem really straight forward, but needless to say I spent a lot of time trying to figure this topic out.  Honestly, it is something I think we all struggle with in life, and in parenting which just mimics a lot about our own lives, daily.  When is a focus on a certain topic or habit good, too much, too little, obsessive? Finding and establishing lines is such a complex process and it isn't over after you figure it out - you need to constantly reassess.

I recently posted about creating positive health and body image with kids and I've worked so hard to find that balance, the line at which you are creating a positive health outlook for kids and yet not overly focusing on it to the point where they become obsessed or turned off.  Then, just two weeks after writing that piece, my own child tells me they think they're "fat" and need to watch what they eat.  I thought to myself, are you kidding, we literally discuss healthy choices all the time and how did he not get the message? Why was his line skewed? Then I realized that he doesn't only hear what I'm saying, he hears what siblings, friends, other adults - everyone around him - are all talking about and no matter how hard I try, the balance isn't necessarily going to be set by my own approach.

Same is true with any topic, we could just fill in the blank.  There is always some line we will need to tow where a few steps to the left or right means trouble.  When is it safe to let your kids walk alone and when will they defy you if you hold out too long and they disagree with your safety recommendations? When is it ok to let your teenager watch their food intake because they need to learn how to be healthier and when do you cross the line and open the door to an ED? I could think of a million iterations of the same idea.

The question I've been thinking about is - can we help kids self identify their line and learn to respect it and ask for help when they feel they've lost it?

As always, I don't presume to have a one size fits all answer.  I think, however, there are certain skills we can help kids acquire and once they have those skills it will come more naturally to them to find their lines.

The most essential skill any parent can give their child is learning how to listen to themselves.  To trust their instinct.  To be open and understanding of their own personhood.  This, of course, has limits - they aren't fully developed cognitively until a certain point so I wouldn't let them trust themselves to drive a car before they've learned to or cross streets when they feel ready - but this is more about listening to your inner self and not quashing your feelings.  How many times have we told our kids, as they're crying and in pain, "you're ok."  Or when they are worried about something we say "there's nothing to worry about!"  Without realizing it, I think we inadvertently ignore our kids feelings and try and supplant our own feelings onto theirs.  We know there's nothing to worry about or that it will only hurt for two minutes and they'll be back to playing - so we try and push that onto them.  Instead, we could try to acknowledge their feelings and then guide them to the next step.  Subconsciously, we are giving them a very different message.  You are allowing them to acknowledge and trust their own feelings while still helping guide their responses to those feelings.  It is subtle but over time, I think very important.  Kids who can learn to listen to the signals they are getting from their bodies and minds are going to eventually learn to respect and trust themselves and their lines.

Take a kid who finds themselves anxious or shy in the presence of new faces or situations.  Some parents try to push them into it and assume they'll just learn to adjust eventually.  Others let them completely stay away from these situations and assume they'll eventually grow out of it and learn to cope.  But some take a more middle of the road approach.  They help the kid put a name or word to their feelings (scared, nervous...) and they talk before these situations about how to approach them.  What are things you can do when you feel that way? How can we make these situations easier.  This gives them the skills to approach a situation and hear what their body/mind is telling them and coach it through.  It puts them in touch with their inner voice.  Once they understand that voice, they can help guide themselves through different situations. 

Ok, I know what you may be thinking - it isn't that easy.  And it isn't.  And what about those kids whose inner voice is forever telling them to do crazy things - do we teach them to listen to that one too? Of course this has limits and exceptions.  But yes, in a way, we do teach them to listen - and curb it.  The same way you can teach the anxious child to overcome their anxiety, you can teach the wild and reckless child to hear the inner voice and curb it to a reasonable degree.

How, then, once they can put words to their feelings and listen to themselves, can we help them use these skills to learn how to set the lines? I think that the more in touch we can get our kids with their feelings, the more they can see when something isn't in balance.  They will always need our guidance, that is why they are the kids and we are the adults.  But as they mature and grow toward adulthood - they gain some of our knowledge and some of their own experience and it helps them re-balance those inner voice and recreate the lines they need to redraw.

Lets try and look at this from our own perspective.  How do we find that balance?  Have you ever watched someone who was the YES person, no matter what and at some point they just melted down or lost it.  The mom who is forever scrambling to do every extra curricular for the kids, volunteers for PTA, makes meals for people when they have new babies, and somehow also works full time?  I use moms because I think women tend to martyr themselves and have a harder time finding this balance than men do (I don't see myself as sexist, I am actually a staunch feminist, but I still notice women have more of this tendency than men do...sorry).  Well, the mom in our example has no balance, she just wants to be everything to everyone.  And I've noticed with moms like that how they somehow drop off the map for a while cuz they realize by being everything to everyone they were actually not really much good to anyone (least of all themselves).  So instead of doing this, most of us actually find some sort of balance - we volunteer a certain amount (or not at all if it is too hard on the rest of the pieces), we say yes to some but not all after school activities, we find a way to attempt to take on a reasonable amount without overloading to the point of breaking.  This is us, as parents, finding our own balance. 

Our kids can and need to do the same in their own lives.  Whether it is with friend time, food issues, schoolwork, extracurricular activities, we can help guide them through the same steps we would take to assess the situations and listen to themselves to find this balance.  And, especially when they are younger, we need to find the balance for them and include them in the process so they can see how and why we did it.  If they want to do after school sports but they are struggling to complete their homework each night, we say no, but with an explanation to help them understand how to do it for themselves the next time.

Modeling this process towards finding balance should hopefully lead to them mimicking the process and steps and eventually hopefully finding a balance of their own - one they will constantly be recalibrating. 

Post script - when a topic comes to me it seems to be coming from all angles. As I was running with a few friends last week one showed up with a stroller and another with his dog - we refer to him as the stallion - I commented to one of us in the group that the stroller will keep our pace more doable when she said but the dog will push us faster - and there was my balance playing out right in front of our eyes. We did go way faster than I expected but it was reasonable fast - love that balance. 

My Own Form of Feminism - Unity in our Community

I woke up to a dark and rainy world today.  Normally, a day like this would be hard to face - find the energy to get out of bed, get out there and run in the rain, be productive and get to work.  But today was different because last night was different.  Last night, I went to an event in our community organized by women, for women, about women.  It was inspiring and left me uplifted.

When people call me a feminist, I agree wholeheartedly.  As a teenager, my son used to use it as some sort of taunt but I would always respond that I am a feminist and I'm proud.  I even made him read Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In to try and make him understand my perspective.  I'd hardly call myself the bra burning type, more of a woman who is so incredibly proud of women and feel they are invincible.  Women are moms, entrepreneurs, community leaders, athletes, you name it - they can do it.  

Last night's event, sponsored by the Mikvah Emunah Society's Robin Niman Mikvah Educational Fund, was in memory of an incredible woman named Robin Niman, who passed away several years ago after an eight year battle with metastatic breast cancer.  She was a powerhouse of a woman, mom to seven, a force in our community.  She pioneered the concept of women liaising with the communal leadership in our community.  I met Robin at some point after she moved here, the year is hard to pinpoint, it was definitely long after I was a newlywed and long before I became a mother in law.  Sometime in that blur that spans toddlers to teenagers.  She was a lifeboat in a time in my life where I felt I was sinking.  Robin ran an organization in our community called the Mikvah.  For those not familiar, a Mikvah is a ritual bath.  Jewish women have a detailed set of laws that relate to family purity and it can be overwhelming at times.   I won't get into the details of what is entailed but to put it mildly, it can be difficult to navigate.  At a time when my body was in a most uncooperative state, where trying to keep these laws was becoming more and more difficult, Robin was a savior.  Robin became my bridge to the Rabbinic leadership that I didn't want to deal with on matters so intimate and personal.  I know I speak not only for myself but for so many women in my community and probably the world over who dealt with Robin when I say she saved me when it came to this mitzvah.  The night was a fitting tribute to a woman who was larger than life in my eyes.

The evening began with the moderator speaking about Robin.  She recapped some of the talking points from Robin's funeral and shiva - I can't do justice to her eloquent description - but she described Robin's ability to do everything she wanted to accomplish, despite incredible odds.  She talked about her can do attitude, her commitment to women and community, her going above and beyond in every situation.  

Following this beautiful tribute was a panel discussion where the wives of 8 Rabbis from our community were each posed a question that they addressed.  It was so nice to see the collaboration, comradery and friendship on display.  Again, I will recap what I can reconstruct from memory but please give me poetic license since I didn't even take notes during the event itself.  The order might be switched but the general sentiments are there to the best of my personal take-aways.  The questions for the panel centered around balancing a life with families, community and personal wellbeing.

Rebbetzin Atara Rosenbaum was asked how it is that the same people seem to be the heads of PTA, chairs of volunteer organizations etc while others struggle to find time to volunteer at all.  Her answer, in my humble opinion, was brilliant.  She talked about how as Americans we often think we need to spearhead every idea, do something amazing and be leaders - but being a follower is ok as well.  Not only ok, but essential.  For every event that happens, many worker bees are needed.  She reminisced about how as a kid her mom had them stuffing envelopes for the local school fundraisers, even awarding them precious weekday watching time as a bonus for doing the work.  She also reminded people that leaders are needed, and the way you know that your job is to lead is when you have a real passion for a project and a drive to do it.  How different life stages call for different types of communal engagement.  With a house full of toddlers or teens you might not be able to get out but when you're at a different stage, you may find it more possible.  And she talked about how communal engagement and kindness comes in many forms, small acts that no one ever knows about make the world go round.  She shared a story about Robin where she helped a disabled woman complete her ritual immersion by jumping in (literally) when she struggled.  She reminded every woman in that room that you can give even when you think you're maxed out.

Rebbetzin Rivky Frank addressed the question of disciplining toddlers.  She transformed the question into how to approach relationships at any stage.  She had clearly done research, which showed in her sharing a practical approach she learned from a book she read on behavior.  The CLR (pronounced CLEAR) method, where you comment on behavior (instead of criticize) - find the time when the child (or any age person) is behaving the way you would want and mention it.  The toddler who is rough with his sibling, in a moment of gentleness, strokes the baby's face.  Praise the behavior, then L for Label it - you are kind, you are gentle.  Think of the vision you want for this child (or person) years from now - then create a self fulfilling prophecy by labeling it.  R for reward, which we all need at times.  A practical life tip that everyone, not only toddler rearing mothers, can gain from.

Rebbetzin Chaya Wolvovsky was asked how one deals with the unexpected events that inevitably present themselves in our lives.  The perfectly planned day that gets ruined by something unexpected.  She was spot on when she said don't plan so much because it usually doesn't work out.  But then she took her unique Chassidic upbringing and was able to share a story of two brothers who traveled as peasants, though they were both quite learned.  Once they were with a crowd who ended up in prison and when the time came for Mincha (afternoon prayers) one brother began his preparations to pray.  The other brother stopped him and reminded him that they couldn't pray in this place because there was a bucket (the bathroom for the prisoners) in the room and that wasn't allowed by Jewish law.  When his brother began to cry, he reminded him that G-d put them in this situation and therefore must have not wanted them to pray.  Instead, they began to dance and celebrate G-d.  The warden, on hearing the rucus, came and asked what the cause was.  One of the prisoners basically answered we don't know what this is but it has something to do with the bucket.  Upon hearing that, the warden removed the bucket and they were able to pray.  She reminded everyone that G-d may present situations to us but we have control over how we react to them.  And amazingly, He often makes it possible for us to accomplish great things.  And also, there's usually a bucket like that in all our lives.

Rebbetzin Rachie Reingold was asked something related to feelings of guilt at not being able to be all we think we should be.  She talked about how our list of things we think we are struggling with or failing at is usually far longer than the list of our strengths.  That sometimes we need to adjust our perspective and realize how many things we actually have going for ourselves.  She related how the Jewish people were at the 49th level of impurity and yet G-d still decided to redeem them from Egypt.  Clearly, we all have things we fall short on and it's ok, we should just keep working on improvement and keeping the connection to G-d.  She told a story of a test that her students took where the marks fell far below expectations.  She wanted to frame it in a way that would be positive, so she told them a parable.  It used to be you needed a map to direct yourself (before Waze and even before GPS).  No matter where you were, if you could find your location on the map you could direct yourself.  She said that sometimes you fall far from your destination on the map but all you need to do is make a route and plan how to get where you want to be.  The poor marks on the test were their location on the map, now they knew what they didn't know and where they needed to get.

Rebbetzin Yaffa Lopiansky was asked how to deal with the commandment to honor one's parents when parents can be extremely challenging.  She told an anecdote from her childhood where an entertainer told the story of the giving of the Torah.  G-d brought it to many nations and each rejected it for a different reason.  When it came to America, the people asked what was in this Torah and G-d responded, "honor your parents," to which the Americans basically said we have Mother's Day and that's enough.  She gave practical advice - saying even when a parent is a difficult person you need to respect them and to do that, you should try and find one thing they are very good at.  Focus on that one thing and respect that, it will help.  She told a story she heard at someone's shiva where the in-laws were not interested in the new son-in-law and didn't treat him well.  When those same in-laws were elderly and infirm, the son-in-law took care of them.  When his son asked him why, he simply responded that whatever the issues they had with him were their problem, but his responsibility was to honor them and he knew they were great people, it was a them problem not a him problem.

Rebbetzin Dvora Bulman, who side note is a friend from growing up, pretty cool seeing her on that side of the table - spoke about boundaries with personal life and communal responsibilities.  She spoke about finding the balance in prioritizing communal needs and family needs and values.  She emphasized her view that as the wife of a Rabbi, she felt her first priority was the wellbeing of her own husband (so he could serve the community better) and her children.  Her husband worked as a Rabbi in an out of town (even more out of town than Silver Spring) community for many years and they had to find ways to educate their children and send them away while still keeping them close to the family unit.  This included finding ways to fly them home on off weekends despite the cost involved.

Rebbetzin Elana Weinberg was asked how we can instill Jewish values in our children while still honoring their individuality.  She discussed how modeling behaviors is far more powerful than telling them what to do and how to behave.  When they see a parent stopping to pray despite their busy day they learn to make time for prayer.  She also shared the idea that sharing your struggles with your children is healthy, that they shouldn't think everything comes easy to you and you don't have a hard time with things.  She highlighted a Gemara about how some people need strong iron gates to keep them from doing things but we need the equivalent of a hedge of roses - a reminder about how to behave.  She talked about how rules actually provide a framework for our children to live and given full freedom, it is actually no freedom at all.  She used an example where a teacher can give an assignment that instructs the students to write about anything in Jewish History.  In the end, that is too open ended and withouth guidelines, most people drown in that type of directive.  If, however, you say write about a specific time period spanning certain years, you can narrow down what you want to write about much easier.  She compared that to the rules we live with - with no rules it is hard to function but within the framework of rules taught lovingly, we can foster children who feel free despite living in a society with rules.  She also discussed how sometimes, despite how much we want our children to do whatever they feel is right for them, our society does have rules and we have to put down guidelines and teach what is right and wrong.

I honestly don't remember the question posed to Rebbetzin Devorah Walter, but I remember her talking points.  She told a story about a woman who wrote an article about her cup of coffee.  She described making a hot cup of coffee and just as she sits down to drink it, she's called by the school and has to run to bring a forgotten lunch.  Then she sits down again to her probably lukewarm coffee when the repairman shows up to fix something.  Etc. Etc. until she finally gets to her now cold coffee to drink.  And then the woman says "Halevei that was my cup of coffee" - meaning I wish that was my life.  The author, struggling with fertility issues, always had her piping hot coffee to drink quietly each morning.  She reminded us that no matter what our struggles, to have sensitivity to everyone for we are all going through our own situation that, most of the time, no one else likely even knows about.  Not to minimize the struggles, but to put them in perspective.  I'm sure she discussed something else about struggles but that cup of coffee stayed with me.

Walking away from this incredible evening, where every seat was taken and there were not enough to go around, reminded me of how amazing the community I live in can be.  Sometimes we need a reminder, to pull ourselves out of our 4 cubits and realize what surrounds us.  That there are so many women, not all of them wives of Rabbis, but every woman in that room has something to give and share and we are all here to support and uplift each other.

Learn more about the Mikvah Emunah Society.

For those interested in donating (I was not asked to share this, but I felt it a worthy cause to spread the word about this), click here.

Outrage and grief

 I don’t know how this is possible but today I feel a new wave of outrage and grief washing over me. October 7th changed the world for every single Jew. There was the before and there is the after. Nothing will ever be the same for Jews of this generation. 

Today, nearly 11 months after this horrific massacre, we were dealt yet another blow as the bodies of 6 hostages were found. They survived the last 11 months only to be brutally murdered as their whereabouts were finally discovered. This level of cruelty is another rung in the ladder of impossibility that has been building since last year. 

So how do we deal with this? How do we tolerate another day of devastation? How do we find hope when the world just seems to keep beating us down?

I have no answers I just need to find a voice for the questions. I can’t stop thinking of Rachel Polin Goldberg - I’ve listened to her speeches, I’ve heard her hope and pray that her son would come home. I can’t imagine the depths of the despair she feels knowing how close they were to being reunited. 

My son came home to tell me he had heard the news and it felt so personal - he had met the mother of a different hostage who was among the 6. 

These are our people, our family. To the world there’s a raging political battle but to me these are human beings, sons and daughters, mothers and fathers. My heart breaks yet again. 

אני מאמין…

Expectations and reality

Every so often I just feel like writing something that is coherent and meaningful- most of the time I get these great ideas while I run and by the time I’m back and post core and stretch and shower the idea is a bit more fuzzy. 

Today as I wandered and backtracked and switched back (since I had no idea I kept take dead end routes) I listened to several podcasts (thank you three weeks no music) and they got me thinking.  

The host was talking about how we say we want something but then the reality of that things doesn’t necessarily match the idea we had. His topic was relationships - how some people say they want someone ambitious but then complain when the person isn’t available and around when they want. Others say they want someone nurturing but when they end up with someone who is not spontaneous and has to take care of everything and they are bored they’re confused.  

All of this got me thinking about expectations and reality.  We’ve talked about setting expectations before but this type of discussion is more about the reality of expectations. I find so often we live life with a vision of what should be, what our kids should do, what type of parents we should be, what type of spouse we should have. I’ve realized how much of life is lived in the realm of should’ve could’ve and not what actually is. 

Few people envisioned the life they live when they started out. It’s cliche to describe the trip and how you ended up in a different location but all too true. Maybe your kids are exactly as you imagined them, taking the route you planned. Maybe they are entirely different personalities than you expected with struggles you never imagined possible. Maybe your job is what you always dreamed of and maybe you’re just working for the paycheck. Maybe your relationship looks like you pictured it when you married, maybe it’s a totally different dynamic than you expected. So many people live their lives with the original ideas of things deeply entrenched into their perspective. Whether we realize it or not, we frame so many things by how we thought they would be versus how they turned out. What we think it should look like versus how it is. 

Sometimes I think about this when I’m stuck or struggling with something - be it kids, work, family. I have been trying to work on letting go of all these preconceived notions and expectations and looking at the reality and trying to work with that. It’s such a hard concept and harder even to put into practice but I think it is also freeing. 

Being humans I do think it’s unrealistic to say we’ll get rid of all expectations and just live in the reality but taking the time to understand what our expectations are and what they mean might be a small step towards letting go of some of them.  Being honest with ourselves about what they would look like in real life and, if they’re expectations of others, if it’s something we ourselves do or put into practice, could help towards this.

Is this parenting or life advice or the ramblings of a person who’s done a few too many solo runs, who knows? But it’s definitely an idea worth turning over. 

1. “Peace begins When expectation ends.” — Sri Chinmoy

You are the Pilot

My kids tell a joke that gets people every time.  It goes something like: "There is a bus and you're the bus driver. You start with 15 people on your bus. You pick up 5 people, drop off 3, pick up 6 more, drop off 2.  What color are the bus driver's eyes?"  Everyone gets so stymied - they are so busy doing the math that they forget to listen to the actual question.  Spoiler alert - the answer is whatever your eye color is, because YOU ARE THE BUS DRIVER.  

This joke reminds me a lot about life - and even more about parenting.  So often we get lost in the weeds and the details that we forget the punch line.  You are the bus driver.  You are steering this ship.  You are the pilot.  

I recently heard a podcast from Dr. Becky, an clinical psychologist who specializes in parenting issues.  She used this line, "you are the pilot," and it reminded me of something I think many parents forget all too often.  We've said a lot of this before but it bears repeating.  Parenting isn't a popularity contest, you don't have to please everyone and often you will not.  You need to pilot the plane - make decisions that are forward thinking, work for your family, and most importantly of all, do not bend to the whims of society, community, or even your own kids.

All too often, I hear things from other parents - many of these may sound familiar to you:

• I had no choice
• My kids pressured me  
• Everyone else is doing X

There are too many iterations of this idea to list.  The conversation came up recently on a class chat, discussing what age to get phones and trying the collective idea of having the entire group wait to lessen the pressure and normalize not having devices so early.  So many parents were literally scared to agree because they feared pressure from their children and didn't want to commit to the idea.

So this is your reminder - you are the parent.  You get to make the decisions.  Sometimes those decisions are hard and will not be popular.  Stick to your guns.  You can and should do what you feel is right for your kids.  Even if they don't like it, even if other parents aren't doing it, even, even, even.  Think back to your pre-kids self who may have been more fearless, more determined, a bit less weary and didn't necessarily care what other people thought (I'm definitely talking to myself here).  Bring that version back and I guarantee you'll find yourself a stronger, more confident and much happier parent.

Piloting requires forethought, planning, charting your route, flexibility in the moment to reroute when needed, and the ability to weather any storm.  

"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it."

-Henry Ford

Run for your life

 I woke up on my birthday in San Diego and went for a run. The marina was a beautiful spot to start the morning. The trip was going well - winter break and a nice change of weather from the DC areas cold temperatures. My phone rang, my husband calling, quite unusual during a run. Had I checked my texts, he wanted to know. I hadn’t and he asked me to stop and take a look. And there were two plane tickets - a birthday gift. The dates and times working perfectly to accommodate two races I had my eyes on. “But I’m not sure I want to train for a marathon” - probably not my most gracious response to such a thoughtful gift. Don’t worry, he assured me, you can just go have an amazing trip and not run the races. He knew - and probably so did I - that I would train for and run the races. And so marathon training began. 

Every training block is a growth experience. You push your body hard, put in a lot of time, and learn a lot about what you’re made of and what you’re capable of. This training block was the first I did during the winter. I naively thought it would be easier than summer training in the sweltering heat and humidity that is Washington summer. Little did I think what it would be like to have to run hours in such cold temperatures you couldn’t feel your fingers. My nephew Meir, spending his fourth year learning in Israel, was parallel training with me. Our plan was to run a marathon together and have trained together, just 6,000 miles apart. We kept each other updated about status and progress. We planned our runs and methods. Sent WhatsApp messages mid 20 milers to share how we were faring and feeling. “Ten miles in, 20 degrees out, can’t feel my hands to type so hope this speech to text message makes sense” was a common one I sent. He’d run Saturday nights (ah to be 21 and run post shabbos food!) and hit the hills of Jerusalem while cranking out 18 to 20 miles. “Met a group of runners from Mir Yeshiva who are fast and just held on for 15 miles!”  The entire experience was amazing. 

Then, as often happens during a training block, I hit a “slight hiccup.”  My genetic lottery with cardiac history caught up with me and I was diagnosed with coronary artery disease. I was unsure whether I would be allowed to run my races. Thank G-d, after starting medication, becoming a mostly pescatarian and passing several medical tests I was given the go ahead. Marathon - here we come!

Twelve days before the race I flew to Israel to spend a week there. Race 1 was the Jerusalem 10k. Since I was tapering for a full marathon- I didn’t want to push it on distance or effort. It was a privilege to be part of the 40,000 people who gathered and ran to show the world that Am Yisroel Chai! We Jews are not going anywhere! It felt like an incredible celebration of our communal perseverance.  I spent the week visiting with my many relatives in Israel and volunteering for the war effort. I went on a trip to the south and bore witness to some of the atrocities committed on 10.7. I picked clementines at a farm that lost all their farmhands, packed packages for families that were displaced and barbecued for soldiers. It was wonderful and fulfilling. For the first time since October 7th, I felt I could do something to help. I even had the privilege of spending time with one of my running heroes, Beatie Deutsch!

After a wonderful week in Israel, peppered with taper runs with my nephew Meir along the light rail in Jerusalem and the beach in Tel Aviv, we headed to Amsterdam. With me were my husband Dan, my son Meir and my nephew Meir.  We tried to experience the wholesome parts of Amsterdam - saw their museum with national treasures such as Rembrandt’s night watch and Vermeer’s Milkmaid. We delved into Van Gogh. Saw Heineken beer being made. The boys biked the canals, we walked and saw their parks. We spent shabbos at Chabad. We were race ready!

Sunday morning Meir and I made our way by bus and tram to the start line. Along with several hundred runners we prepared to conquer 26.2 miles. 

As the race began, we decided to not only run the race but grow from it. We played a game where every mile we chose a memory to remember it by and a lesson to share. We tried to keep it up for the better part of the first 20 miles. After that, it was all heart and focus!

Some of the key lessons we shared from our running journeys:

1 - You can get used to anything. 

Meir shared that even if at first you try something and aren’t sure it’s for you - keep at it. You can and likely will end up liking it (especially if it’s good for you). 

2 - It’s the journey not the destination. 

The marathon (or anything you’re working towards) is just the celebration of what you’ve worked so hard to achieve. 

3 - You never regret doing something hard. 

I don’t think there’s a time where you go out and work hard on something and regret putting in the time and effort. Even if it’s hard to take that first step towards it, you’ll be glad you did. This brought back a memory of my hardest run during this training block. Temperatures were in the teens and I was ready to give up (I had even forgotten gloves) when I met Greg, a friend of mine, and despite the misery outside he was smiling. I asked how he did it and he said — I think to myself - wouldn’t it be nice to end this day with a 90 minute run - and I know the only way to do that is to get out there. 

4 - focus on the mile you are in.

Sometimes we need to focus on the forest, other time take it tree by tree. It can get overwhelming thinking about the full extent of what you need to do - so keep to the mile or the step you’re in and you’ll get there eventually.

5 - Conquer the morning win the day. 

Who doesn’t feel like a million bucks when by 9 am you’ve already accomplished more than most people have in a day?! 

6 - you can get through anything. 

This reminded me of a song I heard a lot during my training - sometimes it all gets a little too much but you’ve gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up. Even if the current thing is trying, you know you’re made of strong stuff and you can get through it. You just need to take it one mile at a time. Acknowledging the hard but knowing you can get through it. 

7 - Hobbies can get you anywhere. 

If we weren’t both such avid runners, would we ever have planned a trip to a European country together to sightsee? I told Meir he is in fact one of over 35 nieces and nephews I have - I try not to have favorites 😂 

8 - Don’t make a decision on a hill. 

Life can be hard but never make a big decision during the hard times. Wait until some of the emotion passes, some of the struggle seems achievable, and then decide your next best move. During a hard time, things often look black and white. The nuance usually comes once you have a little time and space to process. 

9 - Never judge people

Runners come in all types, sizes shapes and forms- just reminded us that you can never judge someone. We saw one boy in particular whose foot was turned completely - and he ran an entire marathon!

10 - It’s only a race against yourself. 

You don’t need to be better than anyone else - you just need to be your best self. 

11 - Look how far you’ve come. 

Sometimes it’s important not only to look forward to see what’s left - but to reflect back and see how far you’ve made it until now. 

12 - You’re never truly alone. 

Whether it’s during a solo run or a time where you feel alone - you always have more support than you realize. Lean on your family, friends and community- they’re there for you. 

13 - Light at the end of the tunnel. 

It’s always there, even if it’s around a bend and you can’t quite see it yet. 

14 - Don’t just run, grow

In everything you do in life - don’t just do the activity - grow from it. Pause. Figure out what you can take with you forward. 

15 - Consistency is key. 

Chazarah, chazarah! Keep doing things, steady, build things brick by brick. 

16 - Nothing worth doing ever came easy. 

If you worked hard to get there, you’ll usually take pride in the accomplishment!

Good things take time.

17 - Be in the moment 

Pause. Click. Don’t let life pass you by. 

18 - nothing and no one should stand in the way of your goals (definitely not your aunt who is 24 years older and might not have the same energy at this point in the race)!

Our brains got a bit fuzzy at this point and we were working off my friend Kenny’s rule “First ten with head. Second ten with legs. Last 10K with heart.”  So we switched off at this point and tried to pick up some speed.

Key memories from the race:

1 - Start line - so much energy. Jumping warmup!

2 - British guy - one man decided to run in a British flag costume. As a joke Meir said to him “so are you from Ireland?” and with a total straight face the guy said “No north of England.”  Was that British humor or did he miss the joke ??

3 - soccer players - in the neighborhood fields we passed there were kids playing the favorite European sport. 

4 - canal - this mile felt like running through a postcard. 

5 - bridge - the Amsterdam terrain is so flat we joked that the bridges were the hills of this marathon. 

6 - flowers - fields full of them. No tulips yet but spring was in the air. 

7 - runners - a different wave - possibly the 10k runners - were passing us fast in the opposite direction. We cheered each other on. 

8 - windmill - another picturesque moment where we saw a real Dutch windmill 

9 - graffiti in the tunnel - seeing all different parts of Amsterdam 

10 - baby with white hair - it was so bright white it was definitely Nordic. Reminded me of my nephew Meir who I was running with and Batsheva (my daughter) who’s the same age. They looked like twins as babies. 

11 - track - a loop around the local track with loads of spectators. We joked it was speed work time. 

12 - runner from silver spring - and what are the chances we meet someone who’s even heard of silver spring, Maryland in the middle of Amsterdam- let alone someone whose father lives there!

13 - houses on the water - aside from houseboats, we saw houses on the water whose porches were in the canal

14 - river - another unreal expanse to run along. Postcard!

15 - sheep - casually had herds next to us. 

16 - airport - we hadn’t realized how far we’d go until we saw signs for the airport!

17 - bike pacer - one woman had a friend ride alongside her the entire race - talk about being supportive!

18 - “Rochel” - because the language can pronounce the “ch” someone cheered me on and said my name right!

19 - cherry blossoms - an entire grove in full bloom

20 - Meir Schwartz realizing we paced so perfectly his legs still had loads to give - I told him to refer to lesson 18 and go for it in the last 10k!

21 - Shetland ponies - reminded me of the Iceland ponies. 

22 - cows - so much wildlife on the rural parts of this route 

23 - trying to pick up speed for the last 5k. Meir succeeded amazingly at this. Cut his miles by 1-2 minutes per mile. My legs were somewhat in protest when I tried 😅

24 - getting so close you can feel it in your bones. 

25 - encouraging runners who were stopping to walk that we were so close!

26 - Finish line - just gunning it as fast as the legs would take me once I could see the finish line. 

Meir set a personal best with a 4:08. I was a bit more hesitant to enter the pain cave and decided to keep steady. I finished my 4th marathon in 4:22. I’m beyond grateful to have been able to cross the finish line again. ❤️ 💪 🦵! Honored and privileged to be part of this experience. 

WHY

 In 2021, I started to consider the idea of training for a marathon for the first time. When I tossed it out on a track run one morning, my friend Shlomo immediately said “before you even think about it, you have to know your WHY.”  I didn't even hesitate and said "of course I know my why.  I'm a mom who has been so busy caring for everyone else for so many years, it's time to focus on me."  I thought it was a funny question for a mom. Running is the only ME time I was getting - it seemed a no brainer to take on more of that. Bless my ignorance! You want more ME time - train for a 5k, 10k, even a half. You definitely don’t need a marathon to get ME time. Get your nails done or take a quiet walk.  But I was naive and thought I got it. We were coming off COVID, I was coming off several years of parenting multiple teens, my husband launching his own company, and a host of other things that together had made for some very stressful years. I thought I knew my WHY. 

As that first training cycle progressed - I learned a lot about marathon training. I learned even more about myself.  Marathon long runs take more than time and effort - they take determination, persistence and a whole lot of self confidence you thought you had until you hit mile X and everything comes crashing down on you.  There’s so much more mental work than I ever imagined.  To put it mildly, there’s a lot of soul-searching by mile 17… You have to keep at it even when you’re tired, sore, unmotivated.  You realize a whole new meaning to the idea that nothing worthwhile comes without hard work, blood, sweat and tears.  I learned so much that first go-round.  My first race didn’t turn out as planned (read my post on it here)  but I learned more and more about the WHY and I thought I got it.  I worked on mental fortitude, believing in myself and still I knew I had so much more to learn.  

I ran an off the books marathon ((read about it here) without the race trimmings and medals to show myself I could. It was perfect, time and effort.  I thought I might be done...but of course I signed up for another official marathon the next year.  I battled injury and made it through the race (post here) and felt on top of the world.  I really thought I got what the WHY meant.  

I took a year off of marathons and built up my base.  I ran and swam and strength trained. I married off another child and welcomed another grandchild into my life. The chaos was amazing but I felt I had to prove to myself I still had it in me. I thought I might need another goal.  I wanted to recreate my unofficial race in actual race conditions.  I went back and forth about whether to give it another go but then the world around me devolved into war and chaos. I put off the idea of signing up.  Then my husband surprised me with tickets to run a marathon abroad that he knew I was toying with (no pressure, we can just have a fun trip there...he said) and I the figured fourth time around I will have conquered the doubts - I know what I’m capable of.  My WHY has been so clear to me for so long -- I got this.  

Like giving birth, we get fuzzy on the details of things past but we remember the glory.  I am going through the process now, trying to grow from and enjoy the journey.  Set mental goals for myself.  I tell myself not to attach to outcomes, to just work step by step through the process. Some runs are euphoric, some are a slog.  I vacillate between anticipation and nerves. The WHY becomes hazy, I try and figure out what it is that’s driving me, that pushes me.  I think I have this luxury.  And then one day, everything changes.  

Pause.  Rewind 20+ years.  I lost my Dad when I was 23 to a heart attack.  Even before he died, heart health was a big ticket item in our house.  He knew he had coronary artery disease - we have some super Ashkenazi Jewish genes when it comes to cardiac health.  My Dad was a vegan, a runner and on top of it all.  His death came as a shock and the trauma from losing him is something I have worked through for years.  You're too young to lose a parent in your 20's - they're supposed to be there to see you grow up for real.  Since his passing, heart health has always been on my WHY list.  I've tried to live a healthy lifestyle, to eat well and exercise.  I thought I might be able to outrun the genetic pool (literally) or take after the other side ... and all of that seemed to be working.  Turns out that all of that was good work, but it didn't stop the gene pool from picking me.  I found out I have one of the genetic cardiac issues that run in the family.  Thankfully, G-d sent me a great Dr. who ran the right tests and found the problem and we're working on it - but my reality has changed.  Prevention mode over, fight mode on.

So back to the WHY.  

 So much truth stares us down and we just don’t make eye contact. The WHY isn’t one thing - it never is.  We are complex humans.  What drives us changes as we change.  What pushes us forward evolves as the world evolves.  If we are lucky, we grow and change.  We figure out our disparate parts and try to find a way to fit them together.

There are so many distinct parts of the WHY, none more true that the other.  There is no one WHY.  It is multifaceted.  I thought the WHY was all about me, but it turns out this changed my perspective.  In the end of the day, if I have to dig deep - the WHY was always THEM, not ME.  I have been working and shaping and creating the person I want to be for my children.  I want to refill the cup to give to them.  And their kids.  It is complicated yet fairly simple - I want to be around for them.  I want to be the best version of me and give the best that I can so that they have what they need to thrive.  It is probably what every mother wants deep down at the end of the day.  You might not need to run marathons to discover it...

I know I'll still have days when I forget the WHY, when I have a long run looming and I'm not sure I have what it takes - but I also know that I'll keep fighting every day - every mom has a dose of warrior running through her veins.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

So take a minute or two - think about what makes ... 

                       Whole Happy You

                       What Heals You

                       Discover your WHY. 

(This quote was in my weekly journal on the week I got the news.  Hello universe, I’m listening …)

A little too much

I’m writing this for anyone who might need to know it’s not just you. 

I heard a song recently and felt it was written for how I feel lately - 

“Though everyone said that she was so strong

What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on

But she knew that she would be okay

So she didn't let it get in her way
Sometimes, it all gets a little too much
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much”

Thanks Shawn Mendes for getting what it feels like to live through this war. For most people, the war has faded to background noise with a side of fear and dread about what the days news might bring. I don’t know about you, but for me, it is really hard to find meaning and purpose in the day to day lately.

We have to keep marching so we do - life keeps moving at its frenetic pace but more often than not I feel like I’m moving through the motions without any real motivation. Joy is something felt in rare snippets. It’s almost like watching the goings on from outside of myself. 

More than anything what keeps me going is knowing I have to keep going. That functioning is not a choice. That the things that are my routine don’t have to feel good or inspired - they have to get done. Knowing that this too will cycle through. There will be a time when there’s joy for our people, motivation and calm. Peace. It’s just not here yet. 

Outwardly, the kids have to see a smiling parent, a functional being who keeps moving even when times are tough. Fake it til you make it?

Doing my best to cherish the small moments, appreciate what is and not focus on what isn’t. Not think long term. 

One foot in front of the other. We’ll make it through. 

Anxieties of War

 I might be overstepping and making assumptions -but the way the world looks to me right now it seems that everyone is struggling with some level of anxiety.  As Jews, our world has been upended.  And while I am an American Jew who can't even begin to imagine or pretend to understand what the people in Israel are living through and the anxieties that might be plaguing them, I can speak to what my experience here is like and hope that together we can help each other through this.

I don't know about anyone else but I need to write this for me - I haven't had much time or energy to write in the last few months.  Life gets busy.  I think everyone is overall doing the best they can (even pre war) to live life and I am not always sure people need more advice, especially unsolicited.  So back to the blog I came to try and organize my jumbled thoughts into something cohesive that I can use to make sense of a world which has lost all sense to me.

I have gone through so many stages of thought in the past few weeks it is hard to keep track.  It started with flat out denial - while it was still holiday, I could somehow assume that people were exaggerating the "rumors" they heard.  There had been a bad terrorist attack or something but war, no that wasn't possible.

As the reports were verified and the phones were turned back on, denial turned to shock.  The enormity of what happened was slowly coming out and I don't think I could process the sheer numbers.  It seemed like something out of a horror movie, not something that our people could be living through.  Eventually, shock turned to grief and sadness.  Hope creeps in and out.  Stories of miracles trickled in.  Unprecedented unity took center stage.

But then the world, as it tends to do, turned on its axis and some people started to change the narrative.  Their voices, too loud, told the world a different story.  And so began a second war - a cyber war. 

Over three weeks have passed.  The world has both stood still and kept moving.  

Many are struggling to figure out how to be right now.  

How do we continue our "normal" lives while our people are being attacked? 

How do we feel any sense of purpose in what we usually find satisfaction with while we know there are wives holding down the forts at home while their husbands are at war? 

How do we keep breathing when we know babies are being held hostage by monsters? 

How do we function and not let the anxiety and the pain overwhelm us?

Tensions are running so high and everyone needs to find the balance that works for them to keep going during such trying times.  I can share some thoughts of what has been working for me and hope that someone somewhere is able to get through this time a little easier.

• Step away from the (fill in the blank) ____________ (TV, News, Instagram, Internet)  
• I'm assuming anyone reading this isn't an advisor to the Israeli war cabinet.  For the rest of us average citizens - it won't help you to check the news multiple times a day.  It will only intensify the feelings of what you are experiencing.  Many people have warned against not watching the traumatic footage - but even the good stories and the constant updates get draining and overwhelming.  Take breaks, make a time every day to check on what is happening - whether at a war room site where they consolidate the information or simply with a timer and a hard stop time.  You will breathe easier and realize that you get just about the same amount of information this way without the added anxiety.
• Find something meaningful to you to do
• There are so many initiatives going on so no shortage of options here.  Whether you want to make cards and packages for soldiers, send messages to wives who are home alone, spiritually "adopt a hostage" (this is my personal one which we have found meaningful), take on learning or praying or good deeds - the list goes on and on.  There are more ways to fight than being on the battlefront - fighting in spirit goes a long way to calming and helping us feel less helpless.
• Talk to your kids - take their pulse on the subject
• A lot of our kids are hearing and seeing so much about this war that they don't know how to process or shut out.  Make sure to keep the conversations open and be ok with them just wanting to turn it all off and be kids.
• Be Kind to Others ...and yourself
• Seems random to be on this list - but its hard to know how someone else is processing facts and events.  They might sound harsh or judge-y - just give everyone a little more leeway.  It might be a day they're not coping well.  They probably don't realize how harsh they're coming across.  Try to give everyone a tiny bit of extra kindness.  You'll feel better and you'll likely avoid unnecessary arguments.  And while we're on the topic - allow yourself a bad day here and there.  We can't be positive all the time and that's ok.  Just don't wallow too long.
• Don't engage
• If you have haters in your life - whether it be at work, online, or just generally people you meet - don't engage.  They're likely just ignorant.  Most don't want to know the truth - if they did they'd be able to see through the lies and realize what they're saying is ridiculous.  Post whatever truths you want on your social media or wherever, but don't engage with the negative feedback loop.  

There are times when we know we will never go back to the people we were before.  This is one of those times.  The world has changed.  We have seen the bad and the ugly.  We have seen antisemitism and hatred at levels we never imagined possible.  We have seen never again and it is terrifying.  But we have also seen Jewish unity in a way I don't think we knew was still possible.  We have seen true heroes.  We have learned new definitions of selflessness and sacrafice.  We are an eternal people who have been here before- we are not victims, we are survivors.   So like so many before us, we will pick up the pieces, we will find a way forward and forge a new path.  

It’s been a minute

 Life is full of ups and downs, busy seasons, organized chaos and some not so organized... This year has truly felt like one of those packed seasons. My husband has been traveling almost constantly for his businesses, one of my kids has been sick a lot and turning into somewhat of a medical puzzle, work is very full time, and life is just busy. I’ve written far less than I had planned. But today I want to talk about finding those moments of calm in the chaos. 

Every once in a while, despite the busy stuff of life, we need to find a space of calm. Sometimes it is harder to find than others. The space looks different for everyone- we’ve definitely talked about self care and making time for you in the past.  Today is less about the bigger picture self care and more about the moments of calm. The deep breath you may need to steady yourself in a crazy situation. The time-out you give yourself when your toddler or teen is out of control and you need to figure a better way to handle it. The hour you take off to hit your reset button. 

Yesterday was rainy and gloomy. My kids were feeling a bit stir crazy having a rainy Sunday with a bit of emptiness since my husbands traveling yet again. I couldn’t get out to exercise in the morning between various driving and the rain. It felt like a day that was going to be very long. Then I realized we needed to do something for them and then something for me. We went to Target, assembled some art supplies and watched a few YouTube videos to learn a technique and spent the next few hours as painters. When all was done and cleaned up, the kids told me I was free to get a run in. It was my moment. I didn’t think twice - just grabbed my shoes and was out the door. 

Whenever there’s a discussion about self care - as much as I’m pro the idea - I remember the times in my life when there was not time or a way for me to get real time in to care for myself. Whether you’ve got a lot of small kids and can’t routinely get out the door or you’re just too busy between work and kids - or you’re solo on a regular basis. It’s not always possible to have consistent me time. 

I often get asked about how to get into shape. My first piece of advice is always to take on small manageable things. If you start off by saying you’ll exercise for an hour every day, you’ll likely last a month if you are lucky. Often taking on too much is the best way to do nothing at all. Start small, build a foundation and brick by brick you’ll build strong walls. 

So don’t worry about not having enough time for self care. And don’t let that stop you from taking your moments and making the most of them. After all, a 10 minute Power Nap is still a nap. You’ll rarely regret giving yourself a minute. Eventually, the moments will build and you’ll have carved out space and time that helps you get through the chaos and find the calm amidst it. 

Staycation? Home bound?

 A friend asked me to create a post about what to do when you’re at home with kids - whether it’s a staycation, a random Sunday or your kids are home sick and you don’t want them on screens all day. Here are some activity ideas which my daughter came up with to keep them busy:

• Make your own frendship bracelets- you only need tape, strings, and scissors

• Pot holder weaving - you can find great kits at craft stores. We use this one ( look on the bottom for pictures)

• Do Coloring pages- you can go online and print them or you can draw your own

• Build a lego city

• Pretend to be at the spa - have fun with hair and makeup, nails, etc

• Do relay races inside or out

• Make up your own board game with cardboard boxes or poster board

• Make a play store with packaged or plastic foods - you can also make a cashier

• Decorate a calendar for this month

• Make a pillow fort

• Write a silly story

• Write letters to your friends and family

• Make something with  beads

• Read a story 

• Do an arts and crafts project

• scooter/bike/go on a walk outside

• Play hide and seek in your house - there are a lot of fun hiding places you can find in your house. In closets, behind the shades, etc.

• Do a baking/cooking project - do a recipe you’ve never tried before

• Do a treasure hunt inside with cool items from your house

• Play dress up

• Make a maze with tape on the floor and have toy cars go through it

• Make a race with cars

• Have a tea party - a lot of little girls like to do this ( I used to also)

• Play the floor is lava - put pillows and other soft items down on the floor and JUMP!

• Turn a room into a different world - your playroom can become the ocean, a mountain top, plenty of places to explore. You can even let them research places in a book of maps and let them create one of the places.