Outrage and grief

 I don’t know how this is possible but today I feel a new wave of outrage and grief washing over me. October 7th changed the world for every single Jew. There was the before and there is the after. Nothing will ever be the same for Jews of this generation. 

Today, nearly 11 months after this horrific massacre, we were dealt yet another blow as the bodies of 6 hostages were found. They survived the last 11 months only to be brutally murdered as their whereabouts were finally discovered. This level of cruelty is another rung in the ladder of impossibility that has been building since last year. 

So how do we deal with this? How do we tolerate another day of devastation? How do we find hope when the world just seems to keep beating us down?

I have no answers I just need to find a voice for the questions. I can’t stop thinking of Rachel Polin Goldberg - I’ve listened to her speeches, I’ve heard her hope and pray that her son would come home. I can’t imagine the depths of the despair she feels knowing how close they were to being reunited. 

My son came home to tell me he had heard the news and it felt so personal - he had met the mother of a different hostage who was among the 6. 

These are our people, our family. To the world there’s a raging political battle but to me these are human beings, sons and daughters, mothers and fathers. My heart breaks yet again. 

אני מאמין…

Expectations and reality

Every so often I just feel like writing something that is coherent and meaningful- most of the time I get these great ideas while I run and by the time I’m back and post core and stretch and shower the idea is a bit more fuzzy. 

Today as I wandered and backtracked and switched back (since I had no idea I kept take dead end routes) I listened to several podcasts (thank you three weeks no music) and they got me thinking.  

The host was talking about how we say we want something but then the reality of that things doesn’t necessarily match the idea we had. His topic was relationships - how some people say they want someone ambitious but then complain when the person isn’t available and around when they want. Others say they want someone nurturing but when they end up with someone who is not spontaneous and has to take care of everything and they are bored they’re confused.  

All of this got me thinking about expectations and reality.  We’ve talked about setting expectations before but this type of discussion is more about the reality of expectations. I find so often we live life with a vision of what should be, what our kids should do, what type of parents we should be, what type of spouse we should have. I’ve realized how much of life is lived in the realm of should’ve could’ve and not what actually is. 

Few people envisioned the life they live when they started out. It’s cliche to describe the trip and how you ended up in a different location but all too true. Maybe your kids are exactly as you imagined them, taking the route you planned. Maybe they are entirely different personalities than you expected with struggles you never imagined possible. Maybe your job is what you always dreamed of and maybe you’re just working for the paycheck. Maybe your relationship looks like you pictured it when you married, maybe it’s a totally different dynamic than you expected. So many people live their lives with the original ideas of things deeply entrenched into their perspective. Whether we realize it or not, we frame so many things by how we thought they would be versus how they turned out. What we think it should look like versus how it is. 

Sometimes I think about this when I’m stuck or struggling with something - be it kids, work, family. I have been trying to work on letting go of all these preconceived notions and expectations and looking at the reality and trying to work with that. It’s such a hard concept and harder even to put into practice but I think it is also freeing. 

Being humans I do think it’s unrealistic to say we’ll get rid of all expectations and just live in the reality but taking the time to understand what our expectations are and what they mean might be a small step towards letting go of some of them.  Being honest with ourselves about what they would look like in real life and, if they’re expectations of others, if it’s something we ourselves do or put into practice, could help towards this.

Is this parenting or life advice or the ramblings of a person who’s done a few too many solo runs, who knows? But it’s definitely an idea worth turning over. 

1. “Peace begins When expectation ends.” — Sri Chinmoy

You are the Pilot

My kids tell a joke that gets people every time.  It goes something like: "There is a bus and you're the bus driver. You start with 15 people on your bus. You pick up 5 people, drop off 3, pick up 6 more, drop off 2.  What color are the bus driver's eyes?"  Everyone gets so stymied - they are so busy doing the math that they forget to listen to the actual question.  Spoiler alert - the answer is whatever your eye color is, because YOU ARE THE BUS DRIVER.  

This joke reminds me a lot about life - and even more about parenting.  So often we get lost in the weeds and the details that we forget the punch line.  You are the bus driver.  You are steering this ship.  You are the pilot.  

I recently heard a podcast from Dr. Becky, an clinical psychologist who specializes in parenting issues.  She used this line, "you are the pilot," and it reminded me of something I think many parents forget all too often.  We've said a lot of this before but it bears repeating.  Parenting isn't a popularity contest, you don't have to please everyone and often you will not.  You need to pilot the plane - make decisions that are forward thinking, work for your family, and most importantly of all, do not bend to the whims of society, community, or even your own kids.

All too often, I hear things from other parents - many of these may sound familiar to you:

• I had no choice
• My kids pressured me  
• Everyone else is doing X

There are too many iterations of this idea to list.  The conversation came up recently on a class chat, discussing what age to get phones and trying the collective idea of having the entire group wait to lessen the pressure and normalize not having devices so early.  So many parents were literally scared to agree because they feared pressure from their children and didn't want to commit to the idea.

So this is your reminder - you are the parent.  You get to make the decisions.  Sometimes those decisions are hard and will not be popular.  Stick to your guns.  You can and should do what you feel is right for your kids.  Even if they don't like it, even if other parents aren't doing it, even, even, even.  Think back to your pre-kids self who may have been more fearless, more determined, a bit less weary and didn't necessarily care what other people thought (I'm definitely talking to myself here).  Bring that version back and I guarantee you'll find yourself a stronger, more confident and much happier parent.

Piloting requires forethought, planning, charting your route, flexibility in the moment to reroute when needed, and the ability to weather any storm.  

"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it."

-Henry Ford

Run for your life

 I woke up on my birthday in San Diego and went for a run. The marina was a beautiful spot to start the morning. The trip was going well - winter break and a nice change of weather from the DC areas cold temperatures. My phone rang, my husband calling, quite unusual during a run. Had I checked my texts, he wanted to know. I hadn’t and he asked me to stop and take a look. And there were two plane tickets - a birthday gift. The dates and times working perfectly to accommodate two races I had my eyes on. “But I’m not sure I want to train for a marathon” - probably not my most gracious response to such a thoughtful gift. Don’t worry, he assured me, you can just go have an amazing trip and not run the races. He knew - and probably so did I - that I would train for and run the races. And so marathon training began. 

Every training block is a growth experience. You push your body hard, put in a lot of time, and learn a lot about what you’re made of and what you’re capable of. This training block was the first I did during the winter. I naively thought it would be easier than summer training in the sweltering heat and humidity that is Washington summer. Little did I think what it would be like to have to run hours in such cold temperatures you couldn’t feel your fingers. My nephew Meir, spending his fourth year learning in Israel, was parallel training with me. Our plan was to run a marathon together and have trained together, just 6,000 miles apart. We kept each other updated about status and progress. We planned our runs and methods. Sent WhatsApp messages mid 20 milers to share how we were faring and feeling. “Ten miles in, 20 degrees out, can’t feel my hands to type so hope this speech to text message makes sense” was a common one I sent. He’d run Saturday nights (ah to be 21 and run post shabbos food!) and hit the hills of Jerusalem while cranking out 18 to 20 miles. “Met a group of runners from Mir Yeshiva who are fast and just held on for 15 miles!”  The entire experience was amazing. 

Then, as often happens during a training block, I hit a “slight hiccup.”  My genetic lottery with cardiac history caught up with me and I was diagnosed with coronary artery disease. I was unsure whether I would be allowed to run my races. Thank G-d, after starting medication, becoming a mostly pescatarian and passing several medical tests I was given the go ahead. Marathon - here we come!

Twelve days before the race I flew to Israel to spend a week there. Race 1 was the Jerusalem 10k. Since I was tapering for a full marathon- I didn’t want to push it on distance or effort. It was a privilege to be part of the 40,000 people who gathered and ran to show the world that Am Yisroel Chai! We Jews are not going anywhere! It felt like an incredible celebration of our communal perseverance.  I spent the week visiting with my many relatives in Israel and volunteering for the war effort. I went on a trip to the south and bore witness to some of the atrocities committed on 10.7. I picked clementines at a farm that lost all their farmhands, packed packages for families that were displaced and barbecued for soldiers. It was wonderful and fulfilling. For the first time since October 7th, I felt I could do something to help. I even had the privilege of spending time with one of my running heroes, Beatie Deutsch!

After a wonderful week in Israel, peppered with taper runs with my nephew Meir along the light rail in Jerusalem and the beach in Tel Aviv, we headed to Amsterdam. With me were my husband Dan, my son Meir and my nephew Meir.  We tried to experience the wholesome parts of Amsterdam - saw their museum with national treasures such as Rembrandt’s night watch and Vermeer’s Milkmaid. We delved into Van Gogh. Saw Heineken beer being made. The boys biked the canals, we walked and saw their parks. We spent shabbos at Chabad. We were race ready!

Sunday morning Meir and I made our way by bus and tram to the start line. Along with several hundred runners we prepared to conquer 26.2 miles. 

As the race began, we decided to not only run the race but grow from it. We played a game where every mile we chose a memory to remember it by and a lesson to share. We tried to keep it up for the better part of the first 20 miles. After that, it was all heart and focus!

Some of the key lessons we shared from our running journeys:

1 - You can get used to anything. 

Meir shared that even if at first you try something and aren’t sure it’s for you - keep at it. You can and likely will end up liking it (especially if it’s good for you). 

2 - It’s the journey not the destination. 

The marathon (or anything you’re working towards) is just the celebration of what you’ve worked so hard to achieve. 

3 - You never regret doing something hard. 

I don’t think there’s a time where you go out and work hard on something and regret putting in the time and effort. Even if it’s hard to take that first step towards it, you’ll be glad you did. This brought back a memory of my hardest run during this training block. Temperatures were in the teens and I was ready to give up (I had even forgotten gloves) when I met Greg, a friend of mine, and despite the misery outside he was smiling. I asked how he did it and he said — I think to myself - wouldn’t it be nice to end this day with a 90 minute run - and I know the only way to do that is to get out there. 

4 - focus on the mile you are in.

Sometimes we need to focus on the forest, other time take it tree by tree. It can get overwhelming thinking about the full extent of what you need to do - so keep to the mile or the step you’re in and you’ll get there eventually.

5 - Conquer the morning win the day. 

Who doesn’t feel like a million bucks when by 9 am you’ve already accomplished more than most people have in a day?! 

6 - you can get through anything. 

This reminded me of a song I heard a lot during my training - sometimes it all gets a little too much but you’ve gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up. Even if the current thing is trying, you know you’re made of strong stuff and you can get through it. You just need to take it one mile at a time. Acknowledging the hard but knowing you can get through it. 

7 - Hobbies can get you anywhere. 

If we weren’t both such avid runners, would we ever have planned a trip to a European country together to sightsee? I told Meir he is in fact one of over 35 nieces and nephews I have - I try not to have favorites 😂 

8 - Don’t make a decision on a hill. 

Life can be hard but never make a big decision during the hard times. Wait until some of the emotion passes, some of the struggle seems achievable, and then decide your next best move. During a hard time, things often look black and white. The nuance usually comes once you have a little time and space to process. 

9 - Never judge people

Runners come in all types, sizes shapes and forms- just reminded us that you can never judge someone. We saw one boy in particular whose foot was turned completely - and he ran an entire marathon!

10 - It’s only a race against yourself. 

You don’t need to be better than anyone else - you just need to be your best self. 

11 - Look how far you’ve come. 

Sometimes it’s important not only to look forward to see what’s left - but to reflect back and see how far you’ve made it until now. 

12 - You’re never truly alone. 

Whether it’s during a solo run or a time where you feel alone - you always have more support than you realize. Lean on your family, friends and community- they’re there for you. 

13 - Light at the end of the tunnel. 

It’s always there, even if it’s around a bend and you can’t quite see it yet. 

14 - Don’t just run, grow

In everything you do in life - don’t just do the activity - grow from it. Pause. Figure out what you can take with you forward. 

15 - Consistency is key. 

Chazarah, chazarah! Keep doing things, steady, build things brick by brick. 

16 - Nothing worth doing ever came easy. 

If you worked hard to get there, you’ll usually take pride in the accomplishment!

Good things take time.

17 - Be in the moment 

Pause. Click. Don’t let life pass you by. 

18 - nothing and no one should stand in the way of your goals (definitely not your aunt who is 24 years older and might not have the same energy at this point in the race)!

Our brains got a bit fuzzy at this point and we were working off my friend Kenny’s rule “First ten with head. Second ten with legs. Last 10K with heart.”  So we switched off at this point and tried to pick up some speed.

Key memories from the race:

1 - Start line - so much energy. Jumping warmup!

2 - British guy - one man decided to run in a British flag costume. As a joke Meir said to him “so are you from Ireland?” and with a total straight face the guy said “No north of England.”  Was that British humor or did he miss the joke ??

3 - soccer players - in the neighborhood fields we passed there were kids playing the favorite European sport. 

4 - canal - this mile felt like running through a postcard. 

5 - bridge - the Amsterdam terrain is so flat we joked that the bridges were the hills of this marathon. 

6 - flowers - fields full of them. No tulips yet but spring was in the air. 

7 - runners - a different wave - possibly the 10k runners - were passing us fast in the opposite direction. We cheered each other on. 

8 - windmill - another picturesque moment where we saw a real Dutch windmill 

9 - graffiti in the tunnel - seeing all different parts of Amsterdam 

10 - baby with white hair - it was so bright white it was definitely Nordic. Reminded me of my nephew Meir who I was running with and Batsheva (my daughter) who’s the same age. They looked like twins as babies. 

11 - track - a loop around the local track with loads of spectators. We joked it was speed work time. 

12 - runner from silver spring - and what are the chances we meet someone who’s even heard of silver spring, Maryland in the middle of Amsterdam- let alone someone whose father lives there!

13 - houses on the water - aside from houseboats, we saw houses on the water whose porches were in the canal

14 - river - another unreal expanse to run along. Postcard!

15 - sheep - casually had herds next to us. 

16 - airport - we hadn’t realized how far we’d go until we saw signs for the airport!

17 - bike pacer - one woman had a friend ride alongside her the entire race - talk about being supportive!

18 - “Rochel” - because the language can pronounce the “ch” someone cheered me on and said my name right!

19 - cherry blossoms - an entire grove in full bloom

20 - Meir Schwartz realizing we paced so perfectly his legs still had loads to give - I told him to refer to lesson 18 and go for it in the last 10k!

21 - Shetland ponies - reminded me of the Iceland ponies. 

22 - cows - so much wildlife on the rural parts of this route 

23 - trying to pick up speed for the last 5k. Meir succeeded amazingly at this. Cut his miles by 1-2 minutes per mile. My legs were somewhat in protest when I tried 😅

24 - getting so close you can feel it in your bones. 

25 - encouraging runners who were stopping to walk that we were so close!

26 - Finish line - just gunning it as fast as the legs would take me once I could see the finish line. 

Meir set a personal best with a 4:08. I was a bit more hesitant to enter the pain cave and decided to keep steady. I finished my 4th marathon in 4:22. I’m beyond grateful to have been able to cross the finish line again. ❤️ 💪 🦵! Honored and privileged to be part of this experience. 

WHY

 In 2021, I started to consider the idea of training for a marathon for the first time. When I tossed it out on a track run one morning, my friend Shlomo immediately said “before you even think about it, you have to know your WHY.”  I didn't even hesitate and said "of course I know my why.  I'm a mom who has been so busy caring for everyone else for so many years, it's time to focus on me."  I thought it was a funny question for a mom. Running is the only ME time I was getting - it seemed a no brainer to take on more of that. Bless my ignorance! You want more ME time - train for a 5k, 10k, even a half. You definitely don’t need a marathon to get ME time. Get your nails done or take a quiet walk.  But I was naive and thought I got it. We were coming off COVID, I was coming off several years of parenting multiple teens, my husband launching his own company, and a host of other things that together had made for some very stressful years. I thought I knew my WHY. 

As that first training cycle progressed - I learned a lot about marathon training. I learned even more about myself.  Marathon long runs take more than time and effort - they take determination, persistence and a whole lot of self confidence you thought you had until you hit mile X and everything comes crashing down on you.  There’s so much more mental work than I ever imagined.  To put it mildly, there’s a lot of soul-searching by mile 17… You have to keep at it even when you’re tired, sore, unmotivated.  You realize a whole new meaning to the idea that nothing worthwhile comes without hard work, blood, sweat and tears.  I learned so much that first go-round.  My first race didn’t turn out as planned (read my post on it here)  but I learned more and more about the WHY and I thought I got it.  I worked on mental fortitude, believing in myself and still I knew I had so much more to learn.  

I ran an off the books marathon ((read about it here) without the race trimmings and medals to show myself I could. It was perfect, time and effort.  I thought I might be done...but of course I signed up for another official marathon the next year.  I battled injury and made it through the race (post here) and felt on top of the world.  I really thought I got what the WHY meant.  

I took a year off of marathons and built up my base.  I ran and swam and strength trained. I married off another child and welcomed another grandchild into my life. The chaos was amazing but I felt I had to prove to myself I still had it in me. I thought I might need another goal.  I wanted to recreate my unofficial race in actual race conditions.  I went back and forth about whether to give it another go but then the world around me devolved into war and chaos. I put off the idea of signing up.  Then my husband surprised me with tickets to run a marathon abroad that he knew I was toying with (no pressure, we can just have a fun trip there...he said) and I the figured fourth time around I will have conquered the doubts - I know what I’m capable of.  My WHY has been so clear to me for so long -- I got this.  

Like giving birth, we get fuzzy on the details of things past but we remember the glory.  I am going through the process now, trying to grow from and enjoy the journey.  Set mental goals for myself.  I tell myself not to attach to outcomes, to just work step by step through the process. Some runs are euphoric, some are a slog.  I vacillate between anticipation and nerves. The WHY becomes hazy, I try and figure out what it is that’s driving me, that pushes me.  I think I have this luxury.  And then one day, everything changes.  

Pause.  Rewind 20+ years.  I lost my Dad when I was 23 to a heart attack.  Even before he died, heart health was a big ticket item in our house.  He knew he had coronary artery disease - we have some super Ashkenazi Jewish genes when it comes to cardiac health.  My Dad was a vegan, a runner and on top of it all.  His death came as a shock and the trauma from losing him is something I have worked through for years.  You're too young to lose a parent in your 20's - they're supposed to be there to see you grow up for real.  Since his passing, heart health has always been on my WHY list.  I've tried to live a healthy lifestyle, to eat well and exercise.  I thought I might be able to outrun the genetic pool (literally) or take after the other side ... and all of that seemed to be working.  Turns out that all of that was good work, but it didn't stop the gene pool from picking me.  I found out I have one of the genetic cardiac issues that run in the family.  Thankfully, G-d sent me a great Dr. who ran the right tests and found the problem and we're working on it - but my reality has changed.  Prevention mode over, fight mode on.

So back to the WHY.  

 So much truth stares us down and we just don’t make eye contact. The WHY isn’t one thing - it never is.  We are complex humans.  What drives us changes as we change.  What pushes us forward evolves as the world evolves.  If we are lucky, we grow and change.  We figure out our disparate parts and try to find a way to fit them together.

There are so many distinct parts of the WHY, none more true that the other.  There is no one WHY.  It is multifaceted.  I thought the WHY was all about me, but it turns out this changed my perspective.  In the end of the day, if I have to dig deep - the WHY was always THEM, not ME.  I have been working and shaping and creating the person I want to be for my children.  I want to refill the cup to give to them.  And their kids.  It is complicated yet fairly simple - I want to be around for them.  I want to be the best version of me and give the best that I can so that they have what they need to thrive.  It is probably what every mother wants deep down at the end of the day.  You might not need to run marathons to discover it...

I know I'll still have days when I forget the WHY, when I have a long run looming and I'm not sure I have what it takes - but I also know that I'll keep fighting every day - every mom has a dose of warrior running through her veins.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

So take a minute or two - think about what makes ... 

                       Whole Happy You

                       What Heals You

                       Discover your WHY. 

(This quote was in my weekly journal on the week I got the news.  Hello universe, I’m listening …)

A little too much

I’m writing this for anyone who might need to know it’s not just you. 

I heard a song recently and felt it was written for how I feel lately - 

“Though everyone said that she was so strong

What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on

But she knew that she would be okay

So she didn't let it get in her way
Sometimes, it all gets a little too much
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much”

Thanks Shawn Mendes for getting what it feels like to live through this war. For most people, the war has faded to background noise with a side of fear and dread about what the days news might bring. I don’t know about you, but for me, it is really hard to find meaning and purpose in the day to day lately.

We have to keep marching so we do - life keeps moving at its frenetic pace but more often than not I feel like I’m moving through the motions without any real motivation. Joy is something felt in rare snippets. It’s almost like watching the goings on from outside of myself. 

More than anything what keeps me going is knowing I have to keep going. That functioning is not a choice. That the things that are my routine don’t have to feel good or inspired - they have to get done. Knowing that this too will cycle through. There will be a time when there’s joy for our people, motivation and calm. Peace. It’s just not here yet. 

Outwardly, the kids have to see a smiling parent, a functional being who keeps moving even when times are tough. Fake it til you make it?

Doing my best to cherish the small moments, appreciate what is and not focus on what isn’t. Not think long term. 

One foot in front of the other. We’ll make it through. 

Anxieties of War

 I might be overstepping and making assumptions -but the way the world looks to me right now it seems that everyone is struggling with some level of anxiety.  As Jews, our world has been upended.  And while I am an American Jew who can't even begin to imagine or pretend to understand what the people in Israel are living through and the anxieties that might be plaguing them, I can speak to what my experience here is like and hope that together we can help each other through this.

I don't know about anyone else but I need to write this for me - I haven't had much time or energy to write in the last few months.  Life gets busy.  I think everyone is overall doing the best they can (even pre war) to live life and I am not always sure people need more advice, especially unsolicited.  So back to the blog I came to try and organize my jumbled thoughts into something cohesive that I can use to make sense of a world which has lost all sense to me.

I have gone through so many stages of thought in the past few weeks it is hard to keep track.  It started with flat out denial - while it was still holiday, I could somehow assume that people were exaggerating the "rumors" they heard.  There had been a bad terrorist attack or something but war, no that wasn't possible.

As the reports were verified and the phones were turned back on, denial turned to shock.  The enormity of what happened was slowly coming out and I don't think I could process the sheer numbers.  It seemed like something out of a horror movie, not something that our people could be living through.  Eventually, shock turned to grief and sadness.  Hope creeps in and out.  Stories of miracles trickled in.  Unprecedented unity took center stage.

But then the world, as it tends to do, turned on its axis and some people started to change the narrative.  Their voices, too loud, told the world a different story.  And so began a second war - a cyber war. 

Over three weeks have passed.  The world has both stood still and kept moving.  

Many are struggling to figure out how to be right now.  

How do we continue our "normal" lives while our people are being attacked? 

How do we feel any sense of purpose in what we usually find satisfaction with while we know there are wives holding down the forts at home while their husbands are at war? 

How do we keep breathing when we know babies are being held hostage by monsters? 

How do we function and not let the anxiety and the pain overwhelm us?

Tensions are running so high and everyone needs to find the balance that works for them to keep going during such trying times.  I can share some thoughts of what has been working for me and hope that someone somewhere is able to get through this time a little easier.

• Step away from the (fill in the blank) ____________ (TV, News, Instagram, Internet)  
• I'm assuming anyone reading this isn't an advisor to the Israeli war cabinet.  For the rest of us average citizens - it won't help you to check the news multiple times a day.  It will only intensify the feelings of what you are experiencing.  Many people have warned against not watching the traumatic footage - but even the good stories and the constant updates get draining and overwhelming.  Take breaks, make a time every day to check on what is happening - whether at a war room site where they consolidate the information or simply with a timer and a hard stop time.  You will breathe easier and realize that you get just about the same amount of information this way without the added anxiety.
• Find something meaningful to you to do
• There are so many initiatives going on so no shortage of options here.  Whether you want to make cards and packages for soldiers, send messages to wives who are home alone, spiritually "adopt a hostage" (this is my personal one which we have found meaningful), take on learning or praying or good deeds - the list goes on and on.  There are more ways to fight than being on the battlefront - fighting in spirit goes a long way to calming and helping us feel less helpless.
• Talk to your kids - take their pulse on the subject
• A lot of our kids are hearing and seeing so much about this war that they don't know how to process or shut out.  Make sure to keep the conversations open and be ok with them just wanting to turn it all off and be kids.
• Be Kind to Others ...and yourself
• Seems random to be on this list - but its hard to know how someone else is processing facts and events.  They might sound harsh or judge-y - just give everyone a little more leeway.  It might be a day they're not coping well.  They probably don't realize how harsh they're coming across.  Try to give everyone a tiny bit of extra kindness.  You'll feel better and you'll likely avoid unnecessary arguments.  And while we're on the topic - allow yourself a bad day here and there.  We can't be positive all the time and that's ok.  Just don't wallow too long.
• Don't engage
• If you have haters in your life - whether it be at work, online, or just generally people you meet - don't engage.  They're likely just ignorant.  Most don't want to know the truth - if they did they'd be able to see through the lies and realize what they're saying is ridiculous.  Post whatever truths you want on your social media or wherever, but don't engage with the negative feedback loop.  

There are times when we know we will never go back to the people we were before.  This is one of those times.  The world has changed.  We have seen the bad and the ugly.  We have seen antisemitism and hatred at levels we never imagined possible.  We have seen never again and it is terrifying.  But we have also seen Jewish unity in a way I don't think we knew was still possible.  We have seen true heroes.  We have learned new definitions of selflessness and sacrafice.  We are an eternal people who have been here before- we are not victims, we are survivors.   So like so many before us, we will pick up the pieces, we will find a way forward and forge a new path.