A little too much

I’m writing this for anyone who might need to know it’s not just you. 

I heard a song recently and felt it was written for how I feel lately - 

“Though everyone said that she was so strong

What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on

But she knew that she would be okay

So she didn't let it get in her way
Sometimes, it all gets a little too much
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much”

Thanks Shawn Mendes for getting what it feels like to live through this war. For most people, the war has faded to background noise with a side of fear and dread about what the days news might bring. I don’t know about you, but for me, it is really hard to find meaning and purpose in the day to day lately.

We have to keep marching so we do - life keeps moving at its frenetic pace but more often than not I feel like I’m moving through the motions without any real motivation. Joy is something felt in rare snippets. It’s almost like watching the goings on from outside of myself. 

More than anything what keeps me going is knowing I have to keep going. That functioning is not a choice. That the things that are my routine don’t have to feel good or inspired - they have to get done. Knowing that this too will cycle through. There will be a time when there’s joy for our people, motivation and calm. Peace. It’s just not here yet. 

Outwardly, the kids have to see a smiling parent, a functional being who keeps moving even when times are tough. Fake it til you make it?

Doing my best to cherish the small moments, appreciate what is and not focus on what isn’t. Not think long term. 

One foot in front of the other. We’ll make it through.