Well more time has passed than I expected since my last post - between post op recovery and everyone finishing school and the summer routine beginning, trips before we can’t travel for the rest of the summer…let’s just say it’s been busy.
In my head I’ve written many topics but never got pen to paper. One thing that’s come up in a lot of discussions lately has been sharing information. I posed a question to my kids to see what they thought. Should parents share information with other parents about their children’s issues (mental or physical health or behavioral issues) if those children could be affected ? The responses varied - there were definitely points on both sides of the issue.
To me the problem is not clear cut. On the one hand, a child with a behavioral or mental health issue which can pose a risk to other kids can be dangerous. Parents have the right to protect their children and to choose if they should be with that child and how. On the other hand, people certainly have a right to their privacy. Not everyone wants their personal struggles shared.
I think there is a basic rule that should be followed about sharing information. If there is any type of danger that is possible, I think it is crucial to share the information with those people who it is applicable to. If, for example, your child tends to get physical when he/she is angry, I think a heads up to the parents of the closest playmates makes sense. Let them equip their children with the best information or strategy of how to deescalate. If your child is going away for the summer and has any type of health issues, especially eating related which people tend to prefer to keep confidential, share the information with the camp nurse and counselor. Your child is entitled to privacy, of course, but not when it puts them or someone else at risk.
Deciding to share information can make you feel vulnerable or can cause the child anxiety - don’t feel you must share with everyone. It can also be freeing - secrets are an additional burden to carry on top of what you are already managing. Choose wisely who you share with and when. Most people will be surprisingly supportive. You will need a thicker skin because you will definitely meet some who are not or who just don’t get it or act pitying. Remember they probably have their own issues they’re grappling with which you don’t know about.
I think an older child is entitled to be informed when information is going to be shared but I don’t think it should be their decision until they are old enough to be responsible for their own health decisions.
In general, try to bear in mind that most of the issues your children struggle with are more common than you think and most people you deal with will be kind and responsive. When choosing whether or not to share information, think how you’d feel if something happened which was preventable with the right information. In the end, I think I come out on the side of sharing conscientiously and carefully.
