Anyone ever struggle dealing with kids and doctors? I’m remembering the days of smalll kids and screaming fits when a shot came out. Middle schoolers and a total meltdown over a finger prick.
Hard to remember how exactly I dealt with them in these situations before they were old enough to talk and reason with. I’m fairly certain that before they understood the word prize I held them down when I had to and once they got the gist I bribed my way through the small child stage. I’m sure a parenting expert could advise us about how to deal with that age group. Right now I’m more thinking through that age and stage when they’re old enough to get it and some things are just plain hard or painful but we have to get them through it anyways.
My 11 year old has spent the last several years in and out of the doctor with a variety of illnesses. She is one of those kids who seems to pick up everything. I won’t go into detail about the medical pieces behind it all that we’ve discovered but I’m trying to think through how to help her deal with this adversity when she’s feeling rough or just can’t take dealing with doctors and illness anymore. It’s funny since I dealt with years worth of doctor visits with my oldest - from the time she was diagnosed until she aged out of the system and no longer needed me to accompany her - but I think her young child trauma from illness played a huge part in her anxiety at the doctors and the methods I used with her are definitely going to be different than the ones I’m employ now. They’re also very different types of kids and, let’s be honest, I’m a very different type of Mama now.
I’ll preface this discussion with a few things - the first of which is that for the most part my daughter’s been super reasonable about most of the chaos. With two in patient stays, a colonoscopy before the age of 10, and more blood draws than I can count - she’s definitely had her fair share of stuff for an overall normal healthy child. Second, I like to write these things as much for me as for my kids - I pray I’m around for their parenting phases and that by the time someone is coming back to read my thoughts instead of coming to me with their questions of how I handle something it’s a great grandchild (if they even want my opinion by then) but you never know so always good to get it on paper when I can.
With that - I want to brainstorm ideas about how to approach all things medical with our kids.
1. I’ve always believed they should be in on the discussion. I know a lot of people disagree with me on this but from the time I had a baby with a brain tumor I’ve felt that the more she knew, in an age appropriate manner, the better it was. Secrets were just another thing to manage during what is already a hard enough situation. I obviously didn’t include my toddler in our powwow’s with the Dr but once she was old enough to understand what was happening we talked with the doctors together. Not only did she learn how to ask the questions needed to understand, it also helped get buy in when needed. I’ve been using that technique this time around as well. When the Dr suggests a treatment plan we talk about it all together. Let her ask her questions. Suggest reasonable modifications when appropriate. Just yesterday we did several tests trying to troubleshoot yet another situation and after all the regular tests, the doctor suggested a finger prick for something which was on the outside of likely. Instead of just agreeing, since I saw we were close to the end of our rope of cooperation, we discussed it and agreed to do that test later in the week if all the others came up negative.
2. It’s ok for things to be hard. Acknowledging the pain, discomfort, upset is better than the shh, shh it’s ok method. When they’re babies, patting their back and telling them it’s ok is soothing - as they get older it’s another way we accidentally don’t let kids listen to themselves. Being sick stinks, sometimes you feel awful - it’s ok to acknowledge it and let them feel the yuck and feel heard.
3. Google is your friend when used cautiously. As long as you can choose a site that doesn’t scare the pants off your child, educate them about what they’re dealing with. It helps to know the process, it’s educational but also gives them an idea of what to expect, from length of illness to symptoms that are normal and when to tell you if something is off. Funny enough, we’re dealing with pneumonia this week and we just helped one of my older daughters, who is currently teaching high school physiology, make slides about the respiratory system so this time I had easy to find info on the issue. Major disclaimer for this - if your child is on the nervous side and creates symptoms - this is not for them.
4. Pick your battles carefully. This is always a rule but really important when it comes to medical situations. Fluids are worth fighting about whereas getting normal food in less so during a short illness. You know your kid and your situation - just try not to fight with them about everything if they’re being unreasonable. Think about how unreasonable we can be when we feel awful!
5. Take care of yourself so you can take care of them. This means different things for each person - some need breaks from their kids to stay sane - lean on your partner or friends for this. Other people just need a shower and a book while sitting at their child’s side.
I pray for good health and little need for this discussion, but always good to think through it while it’s not happening because trying to make good decisions and plan an approach on a few hours of sleep doesn’t usually work out that well!
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