You are the Pilot

My kids tell a joke that gets people every time.  It goes something like: "There is a bus and you're the bus driver. You start with 15 people on your bus. You pick up 5 people, drop off 3, pick up 6 more, drop off 2.  What color are the bus driver's eyes?"  Everyone gets so stymied - they are so busy doing the math that they forget to listen to the actual question.  Spoiler alert - the answer is whatever your eye color is, because YOU ARE THE BUS DRIVER.  

This joke reminds me a lot about life - and even more about parenting.  So often we get lost in the weeds and the details that we forget the punch line.  You are the bus driver.  You are steering this ship.  You are the pilot.  

I recently heard a podcast from Dr. Becky, an clinical psychologist who specializes in parenting issues.  She used this line, "you are the pilot," and it reminded me of something I think many parents forget all too often.  We've said a lot of this before but it bears repeating.  Parenting isn't a popularity contest, you don't have to please everyone and often you will not.  You need to pilot the plane - make decisions that are forward thinking, work for your family, and most importantly of all, do not bend to the whims of society, community, or even your own kids.

All too often, I hear things from other parents - many of these may sound familiar to you:

• I had no choice
• My kids pressured me  
• Everyone else is doing X

There are too many iterations of this idea to list.  The conversation came up recently on a class chat, discussing what age to get phones and trying the collective idea of having the entire group wait to lessen the pressure and normalize not having devices so early.  So many parents were literally scared to agree because they feared pressure from their children and didn't want to commit to the idea.

So this is your reminder - you are the parent.  You get to make the decisions.  Sometimes those decisions are hard and will not be popular.  Stick to your guns.  You can and should do what you feel is right for your kids.  Even if they don't like it, even if other parents aren't doing it, even, even, even.  Think back to your pre-kids self who may have been more fearless, more determined, a bit less weary and didn't necessarily care what other people thought (I'm definitely talking to myself here).  Bring that version back and I guarantee you'll find yourself a stronger, more confident and much happier parent.

Piloting requires forethought, planning, charting your route, flexibility in the moment to reroute when needed, and the ability to weather any storm.  

"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it."

-Henry Ford