Run for your life

 I woke up on my birthday in San Diego and went for a run. The marina was a beautiful spot to start the morning. The trip was going well - winter break and a nice change of weather from the DC areas cold temperatures. My phone rang, my husband calling, quite unusual during a run. Had I checked my texts, he wanted to know. I hadn’t and he asked me to stop and take a look. And there were two plane tickets - a birthday gift. The dates and times working perfectly to accommodate two races I had my eyes on. “But I’m not sure I want to train for a marathon” - probably not my most gracious response to such a thoughtful gift. Don’t worry, he assured me, you can just go have an amazing trip and not run the races. He knew - and probably so did I - that I would train for and run the races. And so marathon training began. 

Every training block is a growth experience. You push your body hard, put in a lot of time, and learn a lot about what you’re made of and what you’re capable of. This training block was the first I did during the winter. I naively thought it would be easier than summer training in the sweltering heat and humidity that is Washington summer. Little did I think what it would be like to have to run hours in such cold temperatures you couldn’t feel your fingers. My nephew Meir, spending his fourth year learning in Israel, was parallel training with me. Our plan was to run a marathon together and have trained together, just 6,000 miles apart. We kept each other updated about status and progress. We planned our runs and methods. Sent WhatsApp messages mid 20 milers to share how we were faring and feeling. “Ten miles in, 20 degrees out, can’t feel my hands to type so hope this speech to text message makes sense” was a common one I sent. He’d run Saturday nights (ah to be 21 and run post shabbos food!) and hit the hills of Jerusalem while cranking out 18 to 20 miles. “Met a group of runners from Mir Yeshiva who are fast and just held on for 15 miles!”  The entire experience was amazing. 

Then, as often happens during a training block, I hit a “slight hiccup.”  My genetic lottery with cardiac history caught up with me and I was diagnosed with coronary artery disease. I was unsure whether I would be allowed to run my races. Thank G-d, after starting medication, becoming a mostly pescatarian and passing several medical tests I was given the go ahead. Marathon - here we come!

Twelve days before the race I flew to Israel to spend a week there. Race 1 was the Jerusalem 10k. Since I was tapering for a full marathon- I didn’t want to push it on distance or effort. It was a privilege to be part of the 40,000 people who gathered and ran to show the world that Am Yisroel Chai! We Jews are not going anywhere! It felt like an incredible celebration of our communal perseverance.  I spent the week visiting with my many relatives in Israel and volunteering for the war effort. I went on a trip to the south and bore witness to some of the atrocities committed on 10.7. I picked clementines at a farm that lost all their farmhands, packed packages for families that were displaced and barbecued for soldiers. It was wonderful and fulfilling. For the first time since October 7th, I felt I could do something to help. I even had the privilege of spending time with one of my running heroes, Beatie Deutsch!

After a wonderful week in Israel, peppered with taper runs with my nephew Meir along the light rail in Jerusalem and the beach in Tel Aviv, we headed to Amsterdam. With me were my husband Dan, my son Meir and my nephew Meir.  We tried to experience the wholesome parts of Amsterdam - saw their museum with national treasures such as Rembrandt’s night watch and Vermeer’s Milkmaid. We delved into Van Gogh. Saw Heineken beer being made. The boys biked the canals, we walked and saw their parks. We spent shabbos at Chabad. We were race ready!

Sunday morning Meir and I made our way by bus and tram to the start line. Along with several hundred runners we prepared to conquer 26.2 miles. 

As the race began, we decided to not only run the race but grow from it. We played a game where every mile we chose a memory to remember it by and a lesson to share. We tried to keep it up for the better part of the first 20 miles. After that, it was all heart and focus!

Some of the key lessons we shared from our running journeys:

1 - You can get used to anything. 

Meir shared that even if at first you try something and aren’t sure it’s for you - keep at it. You can and likely will end up liking it (especially if it’s good for you). 

2 - It’s the journey not the destination. 

The marathon (or anything you’re working towards) is just the celebration of what you’ve worked so hard to achieve. 

3 - You never regret doing something hard. 

I don’t think there’s a time where you go out and work hard on something and regret putting in the time and effort. Even if it’s hard to take that first step towards it, you’ll be glad you did. This brought back a memory of my hardest run during this training block. Temperatures were in the teens and I was ready to give up (I had even forgotten gloves) when I met Greg, a friend of mine, and despite the misery outside he was smiling. I asked how he did it and he said — I think to myself - wouldn’t it be nice to end this day with a 90 minute run - and I know the only way to do that is to get out there. 

4 - focus on the mile you are in.

Sometimes we need to focus on the forest, other time take it tree by tree. It can get overwhelming thinking about the full extent of what you need to do - so keep to the mile or the step you’re in and you’ll get there eventually.

5 - Conquer the morning win the day. 

Who doesn’t feel like a million bucks when by 9 am you’ve already accomplished more than most people have in a day?! 

6 - you can get through anything. 

This reminded me of a song I heard a lot during my training - sometimes it all gets a little too much but you’ve gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up. Even if the current thing is trying, you know you’re made of strong stuff and you can get through it. You just need to take it one mile at a time. Acknowledging the hard but knowing you can get through it. 

7 - Hobbies can get you anywhere. 

If we weren’t both such avid runners, would we ever have planned a trip to a European country together to sightsee? I told Meir he is in fact one of over 35 nieces and nephews I have - I try not to have favorites 😂 

8 - Don’t make a decision on a hill. 

Life can be hard but never make a big decision during the hard times. Wait until some of the emotion passes, some of the struggle seems achievable, and then decide your next best move. During a hard time, things often look black and white. The nuance usually comes once you have a little time and space to process. 

9 - Never judge people

Runners come in all types, sizes shapes and forms- just reminded us that you can never judge someone. We saw one boy in particular whose foot was turned completely - and he ran an entire marathon!

10 - It’s only a race against yourself. 

You don’t need to be better than anyone else - you just need to be your best self. 

11 - Look how far you’ve come. 

Sometimes it’s important not only to look forward to see what’s left - but to reflect back and see how far you’ve made it until now. 

12 - You’re never truly alone. 

Whether it’s during a solo run or a time where you feel alone - you always have more support than you realize. Lean on your family, friends and community- they’re there for you. 

13 - Light at the end of the tunnel. 

It’s always there, even if it’s around a bend and you can’t quite see it yet. 

14 - Don’t just run, grow

In everything you do in life - don’t just do the activity - grow from it. Pause. Figure out what you can take with you forward. 

15 - Consistency is key. 

Chazarah, chazarah! Keep doing things, steady, build things brick by brick. 

16 - Nothing worth doing ever came easy. 

If you worked hard to get there, you’ll usually take pride in the accomplishment!

Good things take time.

17 - Be in the moment 

Pause. Click. Don’t let life pass you by. 

18 - nothing and no one should stand in the way of your goals (definitely not your aunt who is 24 years older and might not have the same energy at this point in the race)!

Our brains got a bit fuzzy at this point and we were working off my friend Kenny’s rule “First ten with head. Second ten with legs. Last 10K with heart.”  So we switched off at this point and tried to pick up some speed.

Key memories from the race:

1 - Start line - so much energy. Jumping warmup!

2 - British guy - one man decided to run in a British flag costume. As a joke Meir said to him “so are you from Ireland?” and with a total straight face the guy said “No north of England.”  Was that British humor or did he miss the joke ??

3 - soccer players - in the neighborhood fields we passed there were kids playing the favorite European sport. 

4 - canal - this mile felt like running through a postcard. 

5 - bridge - the Amsterdam terrain is so flat we joked that the bridges were the hills of this marathon. 

6 - flowers - fields full of them. No tulips yet but spring was in the air. 

7 - runners - a different wave - possibly the 10k runners - were passing us fast in the opposite direction. We cheered each other on. 

8 - windmill - another picturesque moment where we saw a real Dutch windmill 

9 - graffiti in the tunnel - seeing all different parts of Amsterdam 

10 - baby with white hair - it was so bright white it was definitely Nordic. Reminded me of my nephew Meir who I was running with and Batsheva (my daughter) who’s the same age. They looked like twins as babies. 

11 - track - a loop around the local track with loads of spectators. We joked it was speed work time. 

12 - runner from silver spring - and what are the chances we meet someone who’s even heard of silver spring, Maryland in the middle of Amsterdam- let alone someone whose father lives there!

13 - houses on the water - aside from houseboats, we saw houses on the water whose porches were in the canal

14 - river - another unreal expanse to run along. Postcard!

15 - sheep - casually had herds next to us. 

16 - airport - we hadn’t realized how far we’d go until we saw signs for the airport!

17 - bike pacer - one woman had a friend ride alongside her the entire race - talk about being supportive!

18 - “Rochel” - because the language can pronounce the “ch” someone cheered me on and said my name right!

19 - cherry blossoms - an entire grove in full bloom

20 - Meir Schwartz realizing we paced so perfectly his legs still had loads to give - I told him to refer to lesson 18 and go for it in the last 10k!

21 - Shetland ponies - reminded me of the Iceland ponies. 

22 - cows - so much wildlife on the rural parts of this route 

23 - trying to pick up speed for the last 5k. Meir succeeded amazingly at this. Cut his miles by 1-2 minutes per mile. My legs were somewhat in protest when I tried 😅

24 - getting so close you can feel it in your bones. 

25 - encouraging runners who were stopping to walk that we were so close!

26 - Finish line - just gunning it as fast as the legs would take me once I could see the finish line. 

Meir set a personal best with a 4:08. I was a bit more hesitant to enter the pain cave and decided to keep steady. I finished my 4th marathon in 4:22. I’m beyond grateful to have been able to cross the finish line again. ❤️ 💪 🦵! Honored and privileged to be part of this experience. 

WHY

 In 2021, I started to consider the idea of training for a marathon for the first time. When I tossed it out on a track run one morning, my friend Shlomo immediately said “before you even think about it, you have to know your WHY.”  I didn't even hesitate and said "of course I know my why.  I'm a mom who has been so busy caring for everyone else for so many years, it's time to focus on me."  I thought it was a funny question for a mom. Running is the only ME time I was getting - it seemed a no brainer to take on more of that. Bless my ignorance! You want more ME time - train for a 5k, 10k, even a half. You definitely don’t need a marathon to get ME time. Get your nails done or take a quiet walk.  But I was naive and thought I got it. We were coming off COVID, I was coming off several years of parenting multiple teens, my husband launching his own company, and a host of other things that together had made for some very stressful years. I thought I knew my WHY. 

As that first training cycle progressed - I learned a lot about marathon training. I learned even more about myself.  Marathon long runs take more than time and effort - they take determination, persistence and a whole lot of self confidence you thought you had until you hit mile X and everything comes crashing down on you.  There’s so much more mental work than I ever imagined.  To put it mildly, there’s a lot of soul-searching by mile 17… You have to keep at it even when you’re tired, sore, unmotivated.  You realize a whole new meaning to the idea that nothing worthwhile comes without hard work, blood, sweat and tears.  I learned so much that first go-round.  My first race didn’t turn out as planned (read my post on it here)  but I learned more and more about the WHY and I thought I got it.  I worked on mental fortitude, believing in myself and still I knew I had so much more to learn.  

I ran an off the books marathon ((read about it here) without the race trimmings and medals to show myself I could. It was perfect, time and effort.  I thought I might be done...but of course I signed up for another official marathon the next year.  I battled injury and made it through the race (post here) and felt on top of the world.  I really thought I got what the WHY meant.  

I took a year off of marathons and built up my base.  I ran and swam and strength trained. I married off another child and welcomed another grandchild into my life. The chaos was amazing but I felt I had to prove to myself I still had it in me. I thought I might need another goal.  I wanted to recreate my unofficial race in actual race conditions.  I went back and forth about whether to give it another go but then the world around me devolved into war and chaos. I put off the idea of signing up.  Then my husband surprised me with tickets to run a marathon abroad that he knew I was toying with (no pressure, we can just have a fun trip there...he said) and I the figured fourth time around I will have conquered the doubts - I know what I’m capable of.  My WHY has been so clear to me for so long -- I got this.  

Like giving birth, we get fuzzy on the details of things past but we remember the glory.  I am going through the process now, trying to grow from and enjoy the journey.  Set mental goals for myself.  I tell myself not to attach to outcomes, to just work step by step through the process. Some runs are euphoric, some are a slog.  I vacillate between anticipation and nerves. The WHY becomes hazy, I try and figure out what it is that’s driving me, that pushes me.  I think I have this luxury.  And then one day, everything changes.  

Pause.  Rewind 20+ years.  I lost my Dad when I was 23 to a heart attack.  Even before he died, heart health was a big ticket item in our house.  He knew he had coronary artery disease - we have some super Ashkenazi Jewish genes when it comes to cardiac health.  My Dad was a vegan, a runner and on top of it all.  His death came as a shock and the trauma from losing him is something I have worked through for years.  You're too young to lose a parent in your 20's - they're supposed to be there to see you grow up for real.  Since his passing, heart health has always been on my WHY list.  I've tried to live a healthy lifestyle, to eat well and exercise.  I thought I might be able to outrun the genetic pool (literally) or take after the other side ... and all of that seemed to be working.  Turns out that all of that was good work, but it didn't stop the gene pool from picking me.  I found out I have one of the genetic cardiac issues that run in the family.  Thankfully, G-d sent me a great Dr. who ran the right tests and found the problem and we're working on it - but my reality has changed.  Prevention mode over, fight mode on.

So back to the WHY.  

 So much truth stares us down and we just don’t make eye contact. The WHY isn’t one thing - it never is.  We are complex humans.  What drives us changes as we change.  What pushes us forward evolves as the world evolves.  If we are lucky, we grow and change.  We figure out our disparate parts and try to find a way to fit them together.

There are so many distinct parts of the WHY, none more true that the other.  There is no one WHY.  It is multifaceted.  I thought the WHY was all about me, but it turns out this changed my perspective.  In the end of the day, if I have to dig deep - the WHY was always THEM, not ME.  I have been working and shaping and creating the person I want to be for my children.  I want to refill the cup to give to them.  And their kids.  It is complicated yet fairly simple - I want to be around for them.  I want to be the best version of me and give the best that I can so that they have what they need to thrive.  It is probably what every mother wants deep down at the end of the day.  You might not need to run marathons to discover it...

I know I'll still have days when I forget the WHY, when I have a long run looming and I'm not sure I have what it takes - but I also know that I'll keep fighting every day - every mom has a dose of warrior running through her veins.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

So take a minute or two - think about what makes ... 

                       Whole Happy You

                       What Heals You

                       Discover your WHY. 

(This quote was in my weekly journal on the week I got the news.  Hello universe, I’m listening …)

A little too much

I’m writing this for anyone who might need to know it’s not just you. 

I heard a song recently and felt it was written for how I feel lately - 

“Though everyone said that she was so strong

What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on

But she knew that she would be okay

So she didn't let it get in her way
Sometimes, it all gets a little too much
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much”

Thanks Shawn Mendes for getting what it feels like to live through this war. For most people, the war has faded to background noise with a side of fear and dread about what the days news might bring. I don’t know about you, but for me, it is really hard to find meaning and purpose in the day to day lately.

We have to keep marching so we do - life keeps moving at its frenetic pace but more often than not I feel like I’m moving through the motions without any real motivation. Joy is something felt in rare snippets. It’s almost like watching the goings on from outside of myself. 

More than anything what keeps me going is knowing I have to keep going. That functioning is not a choice. That the things that are my routine don’t have to feel good or inspired - they have to get done. Knowing that this too will cycle through. There will be a time when there’s joy for our people, motivation and calm. Peace. It’s just not here yet. 

Outwardly, the kids have to see a smiling parent, a functional being who keeps moving even when times are tough. Fake it til you make it?

Doing my best to cherish the small moments, appreciate what is and not focus on what isn’t. Not think long term. 

One foot in front of the other. We’ll make it through. 

Anxieties of War

 I might be overstepping and making assumptions -but the way the world looks to me right now it seems that everyone is struggling with some level of anxiety.  As Jews, our world has been upended.  And while I am an American Jew who can't even begin to imagine or pretend to understand what the people in Israel are living through and the anxieties that might be plaguing them, I can speak to what my experience here is like and hope that together we can help each other through this.

I don't know about anyone else but I need to write this for me - I haven't had much time or energy to write in the last few months.  Life gets busy.  I think everyone is overall doing the best they can (even pre war) to live life and I am not always sure people need more advice, especially unsolicited.  So back to the blog I came to try and organize my jumbled thoughts into something cohesive that I can use to make sense of a world which has lost all sense to me.

I have gone through so many stages of thought in the past few weeks it is hard to keep track.  It started with flat out denial - while it was still holiday, I could somehow assume that people were exaggerating the "rumors" they heard.  There had been a bad terrorist attack or something but war, no that wasn't possible.

As the reports were verified and the phones were turned back on, denial turned to shock.  The enormity of what happened was slowly coming out and I don't think I could process the sheer numbers.  It seemed like something out of a horror movie, not something that our people could be living through.  Eventually, shock turned to grief and sadness.  Hope creeps in and out.  Stories of miracles trickled in.  Unprecedented unity took center stage.

But then the world, as it tends to do, turned on its axis and some people started to change the narrative.  Their voices, too loud, told the world a different story.  And so began a second war - a cyber war. 

Over three weeks have passed.  The world has both stood still and kept moving.  

Many are struggling to figure out how to be right now.  

How do we continue our "normal" lives while our people are being attacked? 

How do we feel any sense of purpose in what we usually find satisfaction with while we know there are wives holding down the forts at home while their husbands are at war? 

How do we keep breathing when we know babies are being held hostage by monsters? 

How do we function and not let the anxiety and the pain overwhelm us?

Tensions are running so high and everyone needs to find the balance that works for them to keep going during such trying times.  I can share some thoughts of what has been working for me and hope that someone somewhere is able to get through this time a little easier.

• Step away from the (fill in the blank) ____________ (TV, News, Instagram, Internet)  
• I'm assuming anyone reading this isn't an advisor to the Israeli war cabinet.  For the rest of us average citizens - it won't help you to check the news multiple times a day.  It will only intensify the feelings of what you are experiencing.  Many people have warned against not watching the traumatic footage - but even the good stories and the constant updates get draining and overwhelming.  Take breaks, make a time every day to check on what is happening - whether at a war room site where they consolidate the information or simply with a timer and a hard stop time.  You will breathe easier and realize that you get just about the same amount of information this way without the added anxiety.
• Find something meaningful to you to do
• There are so many initiatives going on so no shortage of options here.  Whether you want to make cards and packages for soldiers, send messages to wives who are home alone, spiritually "adopt a hostage" (this is my personal one which we have found meaningful), take on learning or praying or good deeds - the list goes on and on.  There are more ways to fight than being on the battlefront - fighting in spirit goes a long way to calming and helping us feel less helpless.
• Talk to your kids - take their pulse on the subject
• A lot of our kids are hearing and seeing so much about this war that they don't know how to process or shut out.  Make sure to keep the conversations open and be ok with them just wanting to turn it all off and be kids.
• Be Kind to Others ...and yourself
• Seems random to be on this list - but its hard to know how someone else is processing facts and events.  They might sound harsh or judge-y - just give everyone a little more leeway.  It might be a day they're not coping well.  They probably don't realize how harsh they're coming across.  Try to give everyone a tiny bit of extra kindness.  You'll feel better and you'll likely avoid unnecessary arguments.  And while we're on the topic - allow yourself a bad day here and there.  We can't be positive all the time and that's ok.  Just don't wallow too long.
• Don't engage
• If you have haters in your life - whether it be at work, online, or just generally people you meet - don't engage.  They're likely just ignorant.  Most don't want to know the truth - if they did they'd be able to see through the lies and realize what they're saying is ridiculous.  Post whatever truths you want on your social media or wherever, but don't engage with the negative feedback loop.  

There are times when we know we will never go back to the people we were before.  This is one of those times.  The world has changed.  We have seen the bad and the ugly.  We have seen antisemitism and hatred at levels we never imagined possible.  We have seen never again and it is terrifying.  But we have also seen Jewish unity in a way I don't think we knew was still possible.  We have seen true heroes.  We have learned new definitions of selflessness and sacrafice.  We are an eternal people who have been here before- we are not victims, we are survivors.   So like so many before us, we will pick up the pieces, we will find a way forward and forge a new path.  

It’s been a minute

 Life is full of ups and downs, busy seasons, organized chaos and some not so organized... This year has truly felt like one of those packed seasons. My husband has been traveling almost constantly for his businesses, one of my kids has been sick a lot and turning into somewhat of a medical puzzle, work is very full time, and life is just busy. I’ve written far less than I had planned. But today I want to talk about finding those moments of calm in the chaos. 

Every once in a while, despite the busy stuff of life, we need to find a space of calm. Sometimes it is harder to find than others. The space looks different for everyone- we’ve definitely talked about self care and making time for you in the past.  Today is less about the bigger picture self care and more about the moments of calm. The deep breath you may need to steady yourself in a crazy situation. The time-out you give yourself when your toddler or teen is out of control and you need to figure a better way to handle it. The hour you take off to hit your reset button. 

Yesterday was rainy and gloomy. My kids were feeling a bit stir crazy having a rainy Sunday with a bit of emptiness since my husbands traveling yet again. I couldn’t get out to exercise in the morning between various driving and the rain. It felt like a day that was going to be very long. Then I realized we needed to do something for them and then something for me. We went to Target, assembled some art supplies and watched a few YouTube videos to learn a technique and spent the next few hours as painters. When all was done and cleaned up, the kids told me I was free to get a run in. It was my moment. I didn’t think twice - just grabbed my shoes and was out the door. 

Whenever there’s a discussion about self care - as much as I’m pro the idea - I remember the times in my life when there was not time or a way for me to get real time in to care for myself. Whether you’ve got a lot of small kids and can’t routinely get out the door or you’re just too busy between work and kids - or you’re solo on a regular basis. It’s not always possible to have consistent me time. 

I often get asked about how to get into shape. My first piece of advice is always to take on small manageable things. If you start off by saying you’ll exercise for an hour every day, you’ll likely last a month if you are lucky. Often taking on too much is the best way to do nothing at all. Start small, build a foundation and brick by brick you’ll build strong walls. 

So don’t worry about not having enough time for self care. And don’t let that stop you from taking your moments and making the most of them. After all, a 10 minute Power Nap is still a nap. You’ll rarely regret giving yourself a minute. Eventually, the moments will build and you’ll have carved out space and time that helps you get through the chaos and find the calm amidst it. 

Staycation? Home bound?

 A friend asked me to create a post about what to do when you’re at home with kids - whether it’s a staycation, a random Sunday or your kids are home sick and you don’t want them on screens all day. Here are some activity ideas which my daughter came up with to keep them busy:

• Make your own frendship bracelets- you only need tape, strings, and scissors

• Pot holder weaving - you can find great kits at craft stores. We use this one ( look on the bottom for pictures)

• Do Coloring pages- you can go online and print them or you can draw your own

• Build a lego city

• Pretend to be at the spa - have fun with hair and makeup, nails, etc

• Do relay races inside or out

• Make up your own board game with cardboard boxes or poster board

• Make a play store with packaged or plastic foods - you can also make a cashier

• Decorate a calendar for this month

• Make a pillow fort

• Write a silly story

• Write letters to your friends and family

• Make something with  beads

• Read a story 

• Do an arts and crafts project

• scooter/bike/go on a walk outside

• Play hide and seek in your house - there are a lot of fun hiding places you can find in your house. In closets, behind the shades, etc.

• Do a baking/cooking project - do a recipe you’ve never tried before

• Do a treasure hunt inside with cool items from your house

• Play dress up

• Make a maze with tape on the floor and have toy cars go through it

• Make a race with cars

• Have a tea party - a lot of little girls like to do this ( I used to also)

• Play the floor is lava - put pillows and other soft items down on the floor and JUMP!

• Turn a room into a different world - your playroom can become the ocean, a mountain top, plenty of places to explore. You can even let them research places in a book of maps and let them create one of the places.

Friendship and Support

 Dear Kids,

Today I want to write you a letter that brings back over 20 years of memories and illustrates so much of what I want you to have when it comes to friendships and support.  

It started with a message I got on WhatsApp - letting me know that a friend's son (who had been diagnosed shortly after Yehudis was) got engaged.  I'm flooded with memories of what we went through during those years.  

Here's a short recap of how it all started.  I heard through the communal grapevine that a family in a city not far from ours was dealing with a brain tumor diagnosis.  These were the days before WhatsApp, social media or any of that stuff.  I wasn't sure if reaching out to them was an invasion of their privacy but I felt that they knew who I was (old camp connection) and I had gotten reach outs from another frum family in Israel when we started and it had helped me so it was worth a try.  I left a message on this woman's voicemail letting her know that I had heard about their diagnosis, I was here as a resource if she wanted or needed the support, and that she did not have to call me back if she didn't want to.  I figured that was my best shot at trying to help.  I got a call back, and it began a friendship which has stayed strong for over 20 years.  When we were in the thick of treatment and the aftermath, we wrote daily "missives" to each other.  Email was our form of communication.  Our letters could fill a book.  We shared our journeys and carried one another through the hardships.  To say I've cried many tears of joy since the news came last night would be fairly accurate.

So why does this constitute a blog post for you guys? I think what my friend and I have is a great way to see the need for a support system.  Our stories are extreme.  I pray you never deal with what we dealt with.  But life has so many ups and downs.  Raising your children takes an inordinate amount of strength.  Growing and evolving as a human being takes work and thought.  You will, G-d willing, have your spouses to support you.  But don't discount the role of building a great support network.  I'm always saying it takes a village, and it does, but within your village you will need one or two key people.  For fear of revealing my love of Grey's Anatomy, I quote Christina - "You’re my person. You will always be my person.”

Those people will change depending on the situation - you won't necessarily have one friend who you go to for every thing. You need a few, but a small few.  Support looks different for different people, but please remember you don't need to go at this life alone.  You have your family, but you always need friends.  You don't need a million likes on a social media post, we're not talking Facebook friends - I'm talking about the real kind, who you can share the deepest struggles with and never feel judged.  People who understand you and understand what you are about and what you are going through.

If I could only teach you two things about friendship - it would be to be a loyal friend to someone and to let someone in. I think the second is the hardest thing of all.  

You might have an occasion where you let someone in and they let you down.  Try not to be too harsh on them - they are human.  But also remember that friendships do change and evolve and if you can't keep them in your inner circle, that's ok.  Different friendships are for different times.

If you're lucky enough, as I have been, to have more than one friend in your life that you can say is your person, you will have a very rich life indeed.