Back to School Transitions

We’re at that time of year where some parents are counting the seconds until the kids go back to school and routine and others are dreading the return to schedule and the loss of freedom. As parents we all have different views of summer break and everyone is entitled to their take on the off time. Personally I’m in the category of people who will miss the long days and minimal schedule that summer has to offer. When I was home with my kids, summer was my favorite time of year where we would Mommy Camp our days and I didn’t have to think about things like carpool and homework. Just about the only downside to summers for me was the house mess that came along with the freedom.

Kids approach the start of school with an equal amount of mixed feelings. I think the back to school excitement usually wanes with the advancing of grades - let’s be honest it’s much more exciting to go into first grade than it is to start 7th.  Learning is still exciting and adventurous at that point. But whether you have a 5 year old or a 15 year old, many kids struggle with the transition. Add to this the number of kids who struggle with issues related to executive functioning and the difficulties of transitions are amplified.

All of which brings me to my discussion for today - just a few short thoughts on how to help parents make the transition back to school easier for themselves.  I know this discussion should include tips for kids transition as well but I find that posts that are too long may lose some people so I will attempt either a second go-round this week or to make that next weeks topic.

I think today we’ll start with parents. I can’t keep track of the things we’ve discussed in the various topics we’ve covered since I started writing this blog so if this is a repeat please accept my apologies. My least favorite tasks related to school are lunches and homework. I used to feel that every day was a challenge when the kids came home I’d be doing the homework, getting dinner made and served and then having to figure out what to put in their lunches for the next day. It was a little bit like being on a task treadmill from the minute they walked in until they were tucked into bed. I missed getting QT with the kids that wasn’t task oriented. To help alleviate some of the pressure we started a lunches system that actually changed my life!  I credit this system to my sister who thought of it for her family and we adopted it. On Sunday’s we packed the weeks lunches. Yes, this required a bit of fridge space and maneuvering and it is definitely not a solution for everyone but even if you can’t adopt the totality of it, there are pieces that can help. The way I did it was I bagged all the snacks, veggies, fruits, etc and the kids then assembled their lunches (5 lined up) with my help as the quality control check. Each child picked a main, 2 snacks, a fruit and veggie for each lunch. People whose kids are more particular about mains or who need fresh sandwiches could do the lunches without the mains and just stick the main in the night before or that morning (most of my kids used to take yogurts as mains so it was easy but now my youngest daughter can’t do dairy and she seems to choose veggies and chummus or a sandwich and happily lets me make those Sunday so I just got lucky). Whichever way you may choose to adopt this - I think the idea is to look at the things in our daily life which most frustrate us and see if there’s a way to change those things because sometimes when we are so dragged down by the details we forget that not all aggravations are necessary ones and usually there is a better solution out there if we are willing to try.

Homework is another area that I find frustrating. As someone who spent a few years in the teaching arena, I have my own opinions about the usefulness of homework. While I actually believe you need homework in areas like math - I’m not convinced most of the rest of it has educational benefits for most kids. Especially if your child is in a dual curriculum with a long day - I mostly believe kids should be allowed to be kids when they get home and should spend whatever is left of their afternoons outside absorbing the fresh air and playing. But homework is a reality and most parents have to decide the best approach to it. Different strokes for different folks here. I think some kids need to get it out of the way when they walk in the door and others need time before they attack it. Every parent should feel out their child’s personality in order to figure out the best way to get this task done with the least amount of fighting or pushing. One thing I can say universally- your child’s teacher did not mean for you to sit down and do the homework with them. Be available for guidance and clarifications but that’s all. Sitting with them, critiquing and “helping” really teaches them that they themselves do t have the skills for the task at hand. Be in touch with your child’s teachers in an open and honest way if you see them struggling to master the material or if they’re spending excessive time on it. Yes, inevitably some will have old school attitudes and may not be helpful - but hopefully by 2019 most will be more interested in a good healthy partnership with you, the parent, to create educational success for your child. And don’t wait until you and your child are at the end of your rope to have the talk. I can’t tell you how many times I went to teachers when we had spent. If he after night in tears and my kid was beyond themselves trying to figure out what the assignment was or how to get it all done just to have a listening and caring ear on the other end tell me that wasn’t at all what was intended for the assignment and how they wish I had called sooner.

To sum it up - transitions are hard for us parents as well - we need to find tools and tricks to help ease the adjustment and to make this time less stressful. Most of us have very busy houses and lives and each time we add something it can be that piece that tips the scales for us. If we step back and attempt to break these times and tasks into their pieces and find some solutions for them I hope it can make it an easier and less stressful time for ourselves and our families.