Last week we discussed how to ease our transition into the start of the school year. This week I wanted to toss out a few ideas of how to make this time smoother for the kids themselves. The first thing I notice when my kids go back to school is the instant negativity towards homework (especially for the more advanced years of school when it’s no longer cool to have homework) and how any teacher that impinges on their precious free time at home after school immediately turns into Enemy #1. Another thing I notice for some kids is the struggle with organization. This may manifest itself in so many ways - messy lockers, what seem to be black hole backpacks and disorganized thought processes when they have to sit down and buckle down.
I think the first thing to stress to ourselves when our kids are in school is that this is their experience and not ours. It’s not a contest of whether they achieve certain grades or turn in homework with every answer correct. It’s about learning and the process of learning. So try to keep this in mind when they are doing their homework - answer their questions but do your best to encourage the process - give them leading answers, if that makes sense. Don't outright tell them what it is - try and help them come to the answers themselves. Yes, this takes far more time but in the end they will learn two skills - 1. whatever the teacher was teaching them 2. that THEY CAN DO IT and to trust their thought process.
As far as the homework itself goes - try and work with your child to figure out the best way to make it the least painful experience. Not every child can come home from a long day of school, grab a bite and dive right in. Yet putting it off seems so difficult - how can you get them to sit back down after playing and chilling to actually get the assignments done? I've found with my kids that some of them figure this out on their own, naturally being academic or organized enough to get the work done, while others really struggled. Mostly, I've taken the approach that their is no "set" time for homework for the household - although that is a lot more work on my part - but I've tried to figure out over the years what works best for each kid. If they are the type, I say buckle down, get it over with and then have your evening to yourself. But if they are the type who just needs time to zone out, we set a specific time for the homework (usually for these type of kids, after dinner because it is also unfair to everyone to have to wait for them once they couldn't conform with the house schedule) and let them sit themselves down, with a reminder if needed, to approach it in their own good time. This is especially crucial to work on as they get towards middle and high school where the days at school get longer and the homework builds up to sometimes an unbearable workload - they have to learn how to pace themselves and not just assume they can get it done fast because it becomes harder and harder to do.
A good thing to remember - if they seemed overwhelmed even under the best conditions - talk to the teacher. Most teachers didn't send the homework to make the kids miserable. If it is taking an inordinate amount of time - they probably either misunderstood the assignment or are struggling in class with the material. Most teachers are very nice and reasonable human beings who will work with you to pinpoint the issue and will adjust the assignments, if needed. If the kids are in older grades, try and have them self advocate before you dive in - but if it isn't working and they don't know how to approach it or the teacher doesn't seem to be responsive, get involved. Meet with the teacher and them together, if they're older and can't do it solo, so they learn how to work through the issues.
As far as organization goes - I'm a huge proponent of setting up systems for success. One of my children has a massive executive dysfunction. For those not familiar, this, in layman's terms, basically means the center for organization in her brain doesn't work properly and the neuro-pathways that should exist to connect how to organize specific things were (in her case) destroyed by invasive treatments. For some kids, they were born this way and just don't have the ability to do many tasks that involve organization. Transitions also prove difficult for kids with executive dysfunction (and lots of other kids who don't do well with change). One of the best things that a neuro-psychologist taught me when she was in grade school was that you can actually rebuild these pathways through modeling. A very useful tool to do this is by making checklists. Checklists break down tasks into their smaller pieces and help kids learn the steps needed to get the job done. Applying this to the transition to school - I used to make checklists til they were growing out of my ears. What to do to get out the door in the morning (teeth brushed? backpack? lunch in the bag? etc), after school checklist (homework complete? in backpack? check online hw assignments? does anything need to be brought to school tomorrow?). List away, my friends, most kids love to check off items and this helps any child, not just ones who struggle with organization, learn how to break their tasks up and get in order. Using this approach to schoolwork itself can also help - its useful for writing essays (breaking the general into its parts and learning how to tie them together), chunking assignments, etc. We can discuss this in another post.
Another system we created that was a lifesaver as school became more complex and there were closer to 6 or 8 classes instead of the two parts to the day of elementary school was using the colors of the rainbow to organize the day. Starting with first period, every class had a color, in rainbow order - notebook, binder, folder. Inside the locker, I installed mini shelves and had the day set up in order so she could transition from class to class easily. I can proudly tell you that she is actually in college now and sets up her own systems - a real testament to the ability to rebuild these pathways in the brain!
I think the key to all of this is to help set kids up for success - school is not a happy place for all kids, our education system doesn't necessarily understand each child's unique mind and how to work with it, but we, as parents, can try and figure out the pieces to the school experience and work with how to help our kids best gain from it and flourish.
Happy school year all!
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