I hope everyone is enjoying the summer schedule. I’ve been loving having my younger kids around without intense carpool or too much schedule. We are planning a family trip (notice I don’t refer to it as a vacation) and it has me thinking about approaches to family trips. I really thought this was a topic we covered but I looked back and couldn’t find it so sorry if it’s a repeat.
Last week I had the privilege of spending the week at the beach with my mom and sister, a niece and two of my kids. It was a very different type of beach trip than past years because we were a small group. Everything felt so easy and relaxing it was incredible. One thing I noticed as we were on the beach surrounded by many different families of various sizes and ages was the level of stress I felt from so many of the parents. I remember those years of going away with small children and I know it can be stressful so I’m putting that as a disclaimer here . Kids can definitely be challenging on trips even when you have the best of attitudes.
One thing that did occur to me which I’ve thought about in the past is how our expectations of vacation really affect the outcomes of our enjoyment. So many people have this notion that we are all going together and we need to spend every minute together and every kid has to like every activity. Step back, adjust your expectations, and realize that as much as everyone wants a vacation they are also going to be people on the vacation. Their personalities do not change just because they are away from home.
It is OK to do some activities separate. It is OK if someone is not feeling it. It’s Ok if someone is in a negative mood to let them be separate or stay back. If they are too young to be alone then as much as you might not want to, it is OK to have one parent stay back without feeling like it’s a punishment (for parent or child). Maybe that kid just needs downtime. Maybe they need some one on one time and don’t do so great with constant group activity.
I know in an ideal world everybody goes on a trip and everyone feels so grateful for the opportunity that they can see past the little things. Try to remember we do not live in an ideal world. We can only make the best of whatever each day gives us.
One strategy I find works very well for a good number of family vacations/trips is to have a list of possible things to do without having a set itinerary for each day. That way you can gauge what feels right. If voting on it doesn’t work for your family, then just choose yourself each day depending on the mood of the group. If your family has a large span of ages, like mine, take certain days where you can break into two groups and let each group have an age-appropriate activity.
Other strategies include having on days and off days. If you’re taking the type of vacation that includes a lot of hiking or movement then planning for a lower impact type day in the middle can give everyone a chance to reset. If you’re at the teen stage, you can have a lazy morning and take some time to yourself to exercise or relax while everyone sleeps in and plan an afternoon activity. If you have small children, who still nap, maybe two shorter activities that allow for some rest time in the middle. The key is to stay flexible because rigidity with expectations is usually what leads to disappointment and frustration.
Bear in mind that even if you’re a strict disciplinarian- everyone can slip up and there is such a thing as vacation mode for discipline. That doesn’t mean tolerating bad behavior- it means letting the small things slide for those days. You will definitely have other opportunities to address those behaviors.
Last trick that works well is the age old take a deep breath strategy . Most things are way less upsetting after you breathe for about five minutes max. Even one breath usually can help you change your mind about how to respond. Kids remember a lot about family trips. Try to keep the memories positive
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