This morning I was running and there was an intense fog. You could barely see 50 feet in front of you. As I progressed thru my run it seemed to be getting worse - til I took off my glasses and realized that the fog had fogged them up as well. Once I got them cleared, it was still foggy but not nearly as bad as I thought.
Sometimes we see things in our surroundings and we really think they look one way but once we clear up the fogginess on our own perspective, we realize how much clearer they are.
If you read my last post, you’ll know I’m on a bit of a kick about mental health. I think sometimes this world reminds us that we have to be a part of it, shape it and change it. I was recently talking to a friend and saying how I want to make an impression on this world. I don’t want my life to somehow just be another blip on the radar. And so much of me wonders how I could make any difference- not in the lives of my own family - but in my community, the greater Jewish community, the world. And somehow I had a bit of an epiphany- if so many of my life experiences have all been tied up in health related issues- and I’m no doctor so I’m not curing cancer - maybe I can work on changing our attitudes towards illness. Physical and mental. And maybe to start that change I have to address one of the biggest barriers we have to it.
All too often, we pity people going through things. We don’t mean to. We don’t think we are. We don’t realize it. But we do it.
Think of the looks we give someone when we’re talking about it. Oh, her kid is suffering from an eating disorder. Oh, that poor family their child has cancer. Believe it or not, they’re not so different. And they’re not reasons to pity people. We can sympathize- their pain is hard to live with. Their experience is difficult. But they don’t need or want pity. You pity someone who is living on the streets and homeless. You don’t pity someone who is dealing with a difficult health situation. You sympathize or empathize (depending where you’re coming from). You want them to know you feel for them.
When my oldest was sick and in treatment, I hated those pitying stares at the grocery story. Despised when people asked how she was while trying to put on a brave face but did a poor job hiding how bad they felt for me
This attitude comes thru to our kids. They can feel when we pity someone. They see the hushed discussions. They feel the mood. They can see it written all over our faces
Change it. Discuss things with them without the pity. Check yourself. We all do it. We all need to change it. It’s hard to rearrange your face but it’s essential.
There will always be fog. These things are going to be part of our world and our experience. We need the discussions to be happening. We have such a long way to go to change the way we deal with health issues in our community. But before we can start any of that we have to change this. But we can lift the fog, little by little, and change our approach to the entire topic.
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