Sports

What I’m about to do feels almost heretical. I know to many sports is like a religion - and, as with religion, people feel incredibly strongly about their opinions. And my view of it may very well be diametrically opposed to someone else’s. So that’s my caveat before I begin. Hoping not to offend.

I grew up in a house where I recall no role for formalized sports. Yes, I have two incredible brothers, but don’t remember either ever playing on a team or watching professional sports. My father never seemed interested. We did plenty of exercise- my parents ran daily and I recall one of my brothers being skilled at Martial Arts - but official sports, never. The first time I can remember ever being exposed to sport fan-dom was when our close friends son got married. A die-hard Redskins fan, my mom and her friends decided to make his post wedding celebration in the theme of the team. Down to maroon tablecloths and a signed helmet. And when my brother in law from Chicago joined the family, we definitely heard mention of the Bulls and the White Sox and possibly some other teams. To put it mildly, formalized sports was not on my radar.

When it comes to school sports, I think we have to remember the key word - SCHOOL.  School is a place to learn - for the skilled educators to shape and model our children.  Sports coaches and the school's attitude towards sports should be no different.  I do believe in healthy competition, to a degree, but overall, I think sports has a lot to teach our children about how to understand themselves and their peers and the world around them.

When my children switched into their current school, one of the many things I had heard was there was great opportunity to be had in the extracurricular arena. Among other offerings, there were many sports teams they could be part of. I found this intriguing, as an avid runner and someone who values physical activity and all the benefits, mental and health related, this was an exciting opportunity and I encouraged my children to be part of it. Boy was I in for a surprise.  I expected them to practice and get to move on a regular basis, but I was not prepared for the games.  I was definitely not prepared for the concept of "benching" a child.  For those of you unfamiliar (yes, I'm sure I'm not the only one who didn't know this existed) there are players who, for whatever reason their coach decides, sit on the bench for an entire season.  They are sometimes played in games, for a minute or two. But for all intense purposes, they sit and watch as spectators as the other kids get playing time.  You would think they would have had to do something really awful for this predicament, but they actually don't.  What I've witnessed, both in my kids teams but also on many other teams, is that coaches choose their "favorites" before the season even starts and those kids just get played.  Sometimes, those are the highly skilled kids, but not always.  We've all witnessed favoritism and its never a pretty sight, but it is especially awful to watch in this arena where it is so public.  Aside from the obvious issues, I truly think coaches are missing significant opportunities.

Sports is an amazing way to build skills.  Not only do you learn the skills of the game itself, you learn everything from dexterity to coordination, but it is an incredible opportunity to build interpersonal skills and teamwork.  It is practically a social skills group.  Kids can learn to identify their own strengths and weaknesses and build on them.  They can learn how to identify other people's strengths and play to them.  They learn to share and that teamwork is the key to success, it isn't about the ones who score the points but about the assists and the "play".  They can learn how to be graceful winners and graceful losers.  They learn commitment and focus.  The child who lacks confidence can find a way to shine in a totally different way on the field or the court.  There are so many things to be gained above just the pursuit of trophies and banners. 

Yes, every school wants to win, but at what cost? And, you can win but not crush.  Have you ever sat at a game where the team was winning by such a large margin, there was no coming back for the opposing team, yet the strongest players (the "starters") were still in? I have, and it is more than mildly ridiculous.  Once they "have it in the bag," every child should be out there, getting time on the court.  There is no reason to teach kids to be crushers, teach them to be graceful and maybe a bit merciful.  And when you're talking about lower and middle school teams, play all the players - I'm not advocating equal playing minutes for every kid - but be reasonable.  You have to give them a chance to play if you want them to improve.  Many of the kids in these age groups haven't spent time in the game, and if they don't put them out at that point, they never will. 

I've discussed this with the headmaster at our school and been told that when kids are just allowed to play without "earning it," they will become entitled.  Tell me, exactly, how a ten year old who shows up to every practice "earns" their playing time? Or a high school boy who is capable but hasn't been shown the same favoritism? Yes, I believe the kids should show up, learn the discipline, show dedication and commitment - I'm not advocating for putting every kid in for the same amount of time.  But I am advocating for the sports to be more about character building and less about favoritism.  More focus on building people who care, who see everyone, who work together and play together.  Lets encourage the kids who want to move but aren't necessarily graceful athletes to continue to play.  Lets make it about building champion humans!