New Year ... New Rules?

So a new year just began this week for those who observe the Jewish calendar and it got me thinking about New Years resolutions and changing things up. Mostly I have been thinking of how to find that reset button for bad patterns or habits we have allowed to fester in our house. And how, exactly, one goes about resetting the rules once kids are already into a routine?

Take, for example, our good old standby - electronics. Let’s assume you introduced electronics to your children without a solid framework for how to limit their access. Before you know it, your child is totally addicted to this awful device and your once interactive child is withdrawn and glued to their device every possible second. You’re sitting there trying to figure out how to restart - devise a thought out plan and approach to limiting their access. Every attempt you’ve made has fallen flat - they keep going back to the fact that you didn’t have that rule before so it’s not fair for you to change the rules in the midst of the game.

On the one hand, it’s true that change is hard and seems unfair to a child who was used to things being a certain way. On the other hand, we can’t all get it right the first time around. Sometimes change, while hard, is necessary.

Back to New Years resolutions- every year many people all around the globe take a step back and evaluate their lives. They try and pick some area they have performed to less than perfection and resolve to do things differently. Why can’t we do the same with our kids and our parenting? I say we can. And we should. Yes - change is hard. Mostly, we will suffer when we make a change more than anyone else - because we have to stick with it despite the resistance, the tantrums, the upset. But change is worthwhile. And, as the adults, we are in control. We must take that control and embrace it.

In order to effectively change anything in life - it’s important to remember 4 key things:
1. Focus - Rome wasn’t built in a day - it was built one structure at a time. Pick one thing to change and focus on that item alone.
2. Be consistent- if you’re all gung ho about your new rule but drop it within a week it’ll be hard for kids to take you seriously. Do whatever it takes to remind yourself to stick with the resolve
3. Don’t back down! Kids will resist changes, especially ones they deem to be “unfair” - don’t worry about what they think, it’s not a popularity contest. Remember you’re doing what you know is best for them!
4. Partner! Whoever your coparent May be - get them onboard so you have a uniform approach. Kids will look for every crack in the armor!

Going back to our example, resetting the rules for electronics is a hard process. Clear rules have to be established, usually devices have to be physically removed (possibly by force) for times when they are not to be used. Children, especially teens, will likely rage when these rules are put into place. But the good news is that if you stick to the rules and follow through, change is possible. And with those changes will usually come growth.  At my house, we’re going through this process now and I’m going to do my best to reread this daily until the storm passes and our new course is forged!