My daughter was zooming last week so I had the chance to overhear what was going on in her classes, always a nice bonus. One teacher posed a question to this group of 7 year olds: “what is tech?” One child’s answer had me in stitches. Tech, she explained, is stuff you use to make life better AND stuff that sometimes makes teachers very mad when they can’t figure it out.” Say it like it is, sister.
Kids speak truth. Sometimes their truth is a different version than the reality we perceive - but they always speak the truth. Some people have a really difficult time hearing that truth from their children. It can be perceived as chutzpah. It can touch a nerve and leave us feeling vulnerable. It can make you feel powerless and ineffective. It’s hard to listen to criticism from anyone, let alone our own children.
This might sound crazy - but I firmly believe our children are some of our best teachers. They experience the choices we make. They feel our angst. They see us for the people we are - with all our faults. They can actually make us better parents.
I’m not advocating for kids to become their parents parent. I’m not in any way saying they don’t have to be respectful and find a way to share this truth. Like anything, I believe there’s a time and place and way for them to share. But I think it’s most important for us to listen to the messages they are giving us.
Some of their critiques are a product of their age and stage and their perspective will shift as time goes on. But if they say something that strikes a chord - it hits home because we know it to be a weakness - I think we would do ourselves and them a favor to heed the messages.
When your child is little and catches you using a bad word - they call you out on it. Whatever the procedure is - soaped mouths or penny in jars - follow it. Showing you slip up but can be held accountable is a more valuable lesson than showing them you’re “perfect” all the time.
When they’re older and the truths get more difficult - they get upset because you directed your frustration at them when it clearly was not about them. When you hear them telling you that you’re absent while present (something far too many of us suffer from with all this tech in our lives), listen. Take it to heart.
Years ago I recall hearing a speaker discuss how much he had to learn from his kids to become the parent and person he was at that point - and how painful the process was. Change is hard but crucial. Listen to their truths, own up to the issues that are valid. Make the moments teachable and hopefully we’ll all grow as we go.
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