Taking Risks

Today I have more of a question for my readers than any actual advice. Sometimes I truly wonder how to approach an issue and my own fears and experiences shape my perspective in ways that might not always help my own children. 

I realize that just realizing this is a step in figuring it out. Yet it is definitely not enough to know you have some issue, you still  have to find a way around it. 

Here is the quandary - how do we decide how to allow our children to take risks which may be safer than we think from our parental eyes while still keeping them safe? How do we not allow our own fears to become their fears?

There are simple ones which we just need to conquer - if you’re terrified of dogs and tend to get anxious and make your children anxious in their presence - you must find a way to stay calm so you don’t transfer your fear to them. Dogs are not a true risk. Most dogs, especially ones with owners on a leash, are very safe. Practice breathing or dealing with your fear before it gets too far into your children’s psyche. 

Other risks are much larger and have potentially dangerous outcomes. I myself find that when my children go into the ocean, I’m worried about them going too deep and being pulled out. Of course, there are lifeguards and I am watching closely, but the ocean is quite a beast and it can be powerful. Add to this fear the fact that one of my kids required a lifeguard rescue when they were younger and you understand why it causes me anxiety. At the same time I love the ocean and the beach and want them to enjoy. And they go so far out - no joke. And I do not want them to be scared of it, just smart and cautious. 

So back to the question - how can I help them take calculated risks without sharing my fear with them?

Add to this the idea that I truly believe that when kids aren’t allowed to experiment, when we impose too many rules and restrictions, they tend to do riskier things. 

In our house we’ve never given the kids too many rules - no curfew, no specific guidelines to follow - just be safe and let us know where you are when. A lot of people have told me I’m naive and too trusting of my kids (both very probably true statements) and yet I’ve always wanted them to know I trust them so they feel they need to keep that trust. But I still worry I transfer my own risk adversity to them. 

Or, conversely, the fact that I’m more risk adverse will cause them to be risk takers. 

My husband has always been of the mind that we should let them take as much risk as possible in our presence so they can experience it with our guidance. He lets them taste the wine, go jet skiing or snowmobiling, do the more crazy stuff with them - to give them that sense of freedom but be able to guide them through it. 

Yet that still leaves me with the heart palpitations as they try each thing. 

So I end where I started - with the question of how to stay calm while they take their risks, have their experiences, and attempt not to have them go to either the fearful or fearless extreme in the process. 

I’d love comments and ideas!