Do You See What I See

All too often, our world view shapes the way we perceive situations and the people in them. Being a casual observer of ones own life is not a skill most people possess. A while ago we discussed taking advice and talked about how to accept advice from others (and model that for our kids to do in their own lives). Today I want to take a bit of a different angle - seeing this topic in a different light. 

Try to answer these two questions honestly - 

1. Are you the type of parent who can hear criticism of your parenting and accept it?

2. Are you the type of parent who can hear criticism about your child and be honest and open about it?

Yes, I said HONESTLY! Of course we would all like to say YES to both - but it’s not so easy to hear your own faults.  We often own our children’s faults to such a degree that we feel responsible for their shortcomings.  Embarrassed by their weaknesses…embarrassed by our own fallibility … possibly feel that people judge us and our parenting based on our children’s behaviors.   

The most important thing to remember is that we are all human.  If we were perfect, our job would be done here.  There is always room for growth and improvement. 

Another  important thing to bear in mind: your kids are individuals - you are no more responsible for their successes than their failures. You can steer, tweak and assist their development but you cannot control their choices.    

I was recently talking with my niece who is training for her first marathon. She’s reading a book about how to train and the mental game. She told me about this concept where if you are getting fatigued, you visualize getting to swap legs with someone. I loved the idea, even have been using it on some pretty tough runs when I’m about ready to give up. But it made me think - could we utilize this technique when hearing criticism about ourselves or our kids? Could we pretend we are someone else, listening (or better yet giving) this critique and how would we feel about the situation if that were the case?

Assume the advice is coming from a good place. Most people aren’t trying to personally attack your character - they’re trying to help you see what you can’t easily perceive. It’s always easier to see things from an outside POV.  

Be honest with them about your ability to hear It. It isn’t always a good time to be given advice. 

Don’t feel the need to respond. Sometimes just listening is enough. Think it through on your own terms and time.   

 The key here is to do our best to be casual observers of our lives and try to be able to step outside of the situation and hear what’s behind whatever message you’re getting.  We all want to improve, grow and becoming better people - and to do so sometimes we need to step out of our comfort zone and experience a bit of our own growing pains.