Milestones

Milestones are a special and unique time for all of us where we can celebrate an achievement or a life changing event. They’re usually times that are a mix of excitement, anticipation and some anxiety. When it came to these events, pre corona, there were a lot of details to attend to and practicals to worry about.  I thought it was worth discussing how we are all dealing with milestones in this unique time.

 

Things are very different now - most of the milestones your kids will experience this season will have a very different forum.  Graduations will be virtual.  Bar and Bat Mitzvahs are more likely to be caravans of people passing by outside your door then coming together to celebrate.  The entire experience is different.

 

It is easy to focus on the have nots in these situations - everyone is talking about what they won't be having.  But there is a lot of HAVEs in this as well, and it would do all of us a lot of good to think about them and focus on creating them.

 

No, you won't have typical, traditional milestones.  We won't watch them walk across the stage and accept their diplomas.  We won't see them get up in synagogue to lain/chant their portion of the Torah reading.  And I think it is ok to let that disappointment be discussed and felt.  And then move on.  Dwelling on what we aren't doing during this time of global illness and chaos won't do much positive for anyone. Keep perspective.

 

Once you have accepted that this is going to be different - make it unique.  Find ways to celebrate the child and the occasion which they would never otherwise have.  Create a socially distant celebration.  Enough with the Zooming...I think we're all over that...but there are so many ways to make their moment memorable.

 

How?  Here are a few ideas I've seen around which might help get your creative juices flowing -

 

• Order them (or the family) custom shirts or other memorabilia and wear them around on the day of your celebration (or the week of it).
• Make them a surprise milestone box - your box can be full of quarantine joke items about their milestone (I am creating an adorable high school graduation box for my daughter) or it can be a treasure box type.  For my wedding (and I believe my siblings had this as well) - my father gave my husband and I are treasure box filled with items he had collected throughout my childhood (notes we wrote, coins from places we visited, pictures from special moments, etc).  To this day I have that box in my closet and I take it out when I really miss him.
• Decorate - your house has now become party central - make it feel like it.  Hang banners, streamers, make posters - whatever you would have thought to do for them at their event - do it at home!
• Feast - no get together (or get alone...what do we call it these days) is complete without a feast! Get baking or cooking or grilling - make it feel like a special day.
• Find a way to include those people that mean the most to them.  Whether this means getting everyone to make video clips and making them their own personal video, or getting people to drop by outside to congratulate them - find ways to make them feel like everyone remembers their moment

It also pays to discuss the milestone in a more serious way with them.  Talk about what will change now (if the milestone comes with changes) and share how you felt when it was your time.  The anticipation over the future is only worse now that they feel their future is kind of ruined by this global pandemic and they aren't sure what will happen next (if anything at all).  My guess is that they probably feel more anxious than we do about when the world will reopen and if things will ever return to normal.  Transitioning from one stage to another is scary enough without the uncertainty of the world being in flux. 

 

I hope everyone can embrace these milestones and appreciate them in a different way than they ever expected.  Personally, I have a feeling these milestones will be the most remembered ones in their lives in many ways.  Not many people can turn to their grandchildren one day and say "I (fill in the blank) during a pandemic."

 

Congratulations on all the milestones you will witness with your children during this time - we will be virtually celebrating with you!