Masks

Everywhere we go these days we’re surrounded by people in masks.  Sometimes as I’m running through the park passing them I wonder who they are beneath those masks - I even write little storylines in my head of what they might be like by the way they smile or grimace as they pass me (eyes can show you a lot, and yes running solo can get boring I miss my running buddies a lot).

I wondered when I titled this post if people thought I was going to discuss Corona and the benefits of wearing masks or maybe the hierarchy (as my husband calls it) of the mask wearers versus the non mask wearers in the outdoor spaces. But I’m certainly not qualified to tell you when and where and how to apply these haphazard set of rules we’ve been given during this chaotic time. The masks brought to mind something which I think about often and decided was worth discussing.

Every one of us is constantly wearing many masks - juggling our various roles - parent, spouse, employee or employer, community member - you name it. It’s a common myth that women multitask better than men but studies show no one actually multitasks well - women just tend to take on more than men (sorry any males reading this, I read it in a science journal). Whatever the case is, my point is that we wear masks all the time - putting on whatever persona is needed to fill the role we are trying to fill at the given time. But all of this mask wearing around me makes me think of who I am beneath the mask?

When all the layers come off - when we have finished meeting every need of every person In our lives, who are we? Do any of us make the time to ask this question? There’s a pop song that asks “without you who am I?”

 Sometimes I sit back and I try and figure out the answers - what are my own dreams? Goals? What is going on inside independent of everyone else. This is such a hard thing to focus on in the chaos of family life but no less important than everything else.

I’ve written before about making time for yourself but this is different than finding time to pamper yourself or carve out quiet space - this is taking the time to think deeply about who you are and what you want. It’s counterintuitive because we think that being in a relationship or being the parents means thinking about everyone else before ourselves- but if we lose who we are and our entire existence becomes wrapped up in our roles - we lose a piece of ourselves in that. And sometimes we wake up too that late in the game and end up feeling very empty. You don’t want to look in the mirror one day and wonder who that person staring back really is.

And if you don’t like what you see - or parts of what you see - it’s never too late to change that. We’re dynamic flexible learning creatures.

And I wonder if we ever truly take the time to unmask ourselves.  Is there some space where we can be our raw selves, free of judgement, where we feel comfortable enough to take the mask off? Are we afraid to explore that piece, with all the successes and failures, pride and shame, completely raw for someone (or just ourselves) to see?

So...who are you without the mask?