Inch by Inch

Two interviews I heard this week made me want to write.  I've felt a lot lately that there's too much repetition in what I'm discussing - like parenting basically boils down to two main things:

1. Actions speak louder than words

2. Every kid is unique so there are no one size fits all solutions

And while its true that it kind of does boil down to those two basic ideas - its also true that there's a lot of nuance.  So I'm hoping the ability to discuss the different situations we face and the predicaments we find ourselves in helps us to channel those two things in the best way possible.

In one interview, a man was discussing his personal religious transformation and he said "it was less step by step and more inch by inch."  I loved this quote.  It crystalized a lot of how I see parenting.  So often we are mired in the details of everyday life, in the small battles and struggles, we fail to notice the micro changes going on around us.  Then one day, we wake up and we're dealing with an entirely different person.  All those tiny changes somehow add up and shape our kids into the people they are becoming.  When you're in the midst of a hard stage, it is really helpful to remember this.

It also reminded me that even when we don't noticeably see the effects of all the work we are putting into something, even something as small as an inch is a gain.  Human nature causes people to be their harshest judges, sometimes I think it is worth remembering that every inch we gain is an inch achieved. 

I heard Michelle Obama interviewing her mother about how she brought them up and  she said parenting was just natural - you did what seemed right.  Nowadays, she said, there's just too much talking and discussion and everyone telling you what to do but people aren't coming out any better.  I think some of what she said is true, we do talk too much.  Our kids aren't scared of us (which I think is a good thing) but sometimes they also lack a basic respect for their parents and adults.  It is generational.  But I still think the more we talk, the more we get things out in the open, the more we treat them like the cognitive, aware beings that they are, the better the chances of them being emotionally open and available and thoughtful as they get older.

So while I agree, there's no parenting technique which just works for every kid across the board, there are some basic ideas and concepts that, when applied, really do help us make the best, strategic decisions to help guide our children.

I feel somewhat like I'm rambling without a concrete to-do here, but its more of a thought provoking ramble than a call to action...