Vulnerability

 I was running in this slushy winter mix this morning and trying to distract myself from how soggy my feet were getting. I was listening to a podcast by Brene Brown as she interviewed Melinda Gates. It was fascinating. I try to get one or two takeaways from the things I listen to - and today I was not disappointed. She talked about how we “learn and unlearn and relearn” which I thought so adequately captured the way ones approach in life should be. What else can a growing, evolving person want other than to keep changing and processing and tweaking our approach in life. 

She also touched on something that put into words something I’ve felt for a while. Melinda Gates explained how when she first worked at Microsoft there was a guys culture and she didn’t like the person she saw herself becoming. She knew how to keep up with the guys but didn’t want to. She was going to quit two years in when she decided, in a last ditch attempt, to just be herself. She found that when she did that, people respected her. Her teams listened and worked better together. And she liked herself better. She explained that real success comes when we put ourselves on the line and become vulnerable to failure. 

When kids are young I don’t know how this applies. But as teenagers and young adults, it spoke deeply to me. Showing your teenager your vulnerability with their struggle takes a lot of courage. We are nervous about being perceived as weak. We want our children to think we always know what to do and how to do it. Showing them we are scared can be downright terrifying. But it also shows them strength. It can touch the depths of their heart and open them up. If we can never be scared or wrong, how can they show fear or admit mistakes?

There is a huge difference between sharing a fear you have and making it their fear.  A fine line between sharing and guilting.  If you take this approach, it must come from deep inside and with no strings attached. 

I honestly have the perfect example for this one but out of respect for my kids privacy I can’t share it. I challenge you to think of times in your children’s lives and struggles where showing them your own vulnerability could reach them. When all else fails, when you’ve tried every approach to an issue and have gotten nowhere - try being vulnerable and honest and see how it goes.