Trapped with Teens ... Help!

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has had my rough days with teenage attitude trapping me in a house where we’re all already trapped. There are days when they keep a lid on it and we’re all grateful and there are days they’re cheery and full of energy. And then there are days when they’re full on psycho teenagers. And to be honest, I think that’s kind of the new normal. For those of you with smaller kids, replace psycho with meltdown and it all feels the same.

Sometimes it helps to put things into perspective.

Kids are very social creatures. Even the most social adult doesn’t compare to the lifestyle of being a kid. You spend most of your waking hours with your friends - you’re in school together all day and then often participate in after school sports, hang out with friends, do community service together. Even as adults who enjoy a nice social life, the realities of being an adult don’t allow for that level of socialization. So while we are struggling with this lockdown (and the struggle is real), I believe they’re having a much rougher time.

I completely understand that they create avenues to socialize (endless hours of FaceTime and Hangouts)... Yes, some of them are taking “social distance” walks or porch visits ...  but I don’t believe it has the same effect. And even though they’re not toddlers anymore, most people struggle with transitions.

None of which makes it easier to be on the receiving end of their frustration.

For me, on the days when I can handle it and keep a level head, a few tactics have helped me. Most of these we have discussed in the past but reminders can’t hurt.

• Don’t engage.  They’re bored and waiting for you to take the bait.  Don’t give them the satisfaction of engaging in an argument that is useless and likely to end in anger or tears.
• Keep it brief - you don’t need to ignore them but a short and simple answer to whatever the issue is enough.  “No we aren’t making cookies now, I just cleaned the kitchen” - it doesn’t need to be a negotiation or long winded discussion.
• Walk away - if they can’t respect the answers you’re giving and they feel the need to keep pushing, just walk away.  You may not be able to get away, but we all have a bedroom or an office.  Feel free to lock your door!

The simplest way to shorten a teenage episode is to disengage. It’s way easier said than done but usually with a little time they come to realize they’re not being exactly fair. And if they don’t it is way easier to discuss after the heat of the moment passes. 

Remember, in most places it’s still ok to walk outside (even in the rain, we don’t melt) - a little fresh air and a break does anyone good. Take care of yourself, be healthy, stay safe and sane.